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Dr. Paige
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1365
Experience:  Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
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Dr.Page,I have another question for you.Yesterday my ex was

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Dr.Page,I have another question for you.Yesterday my ex was calling me,I did not pick the phone.He called our daughter and tolf her to get up on Saturday early so they could go to downtown because his coudin from another country came.My daughter said that it was very early for her to get up.My ex got upset and called me.I told him I did not like his tone of voice and him blaming me for her behavior.I tolf him O am hanging the phone and not listening tp his tantrum.5 minutes later he called to apologize
Did I do the right thing? Should I do anything alsr to make him see he needs to change?
Submitted: 11 months ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Josie-Mod replied 11 months ago.

Hi, I'm Josie and I am a moderator for this topic. I sent Dr. Paige, your requested professional, a message to follow up with you here, when she is back online.

If I can help further, please let me know. Thank you for your continued patience.

Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 11 months ago.
I would like to continue to help you, however of all the question threads you have asked me over the past month, you have only rated one of my answers out of many. I would like to know if there is anything I can do to make you feel as though you can rate all of the open threads you have left open with me?
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1365
Experience: Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
Dr. Paige and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 11 months ago.
Hello I aleady rated as excellent your service,can you please answer my last question.Thank you
Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 11 months ago.
Thank you. You did the right thing. You are not responsible for his behavior and you are not responsible for making him see that he needs to change. That is his responsibility and his alone. You need to be concerned with your life and moving on, as well as your daughter. His issues are his to deal with.
Customer: replied 11 months ago.
Today my ex called 4 times,on the phone,on the 5th time I picked the phone.He just called to ask how we are doing,asked if I saw pictures that our daughter took.He kept on talking until I told him I had to go.He asked why I was not answering phone.I told him I was busu and did not hear it.What is he trying to do?
Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 11 months ago.
He is bugging you to control you, as I have said all along. He wants control of your life. The more you talk with him, the more you allow him to do it.
Customer: replied 11 months ago.
When he calls,should I just ignore it or ash him to leave detailed message so I can know the reason?
Customer: replied 11 months ago.
When he calls,should I just ignore it or ask him to leave detailed message so I can know the reason?
Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 11 months ago.
I would ask him to leave a message and that you don't want to talk with him. He is borderline harassing you.
Customer: replied 11 months ago.
When he leaves a message and I find it important enough,I can call?I already told him about a month ago to leave a message,he is choosing not to.Should I remind him again?
Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 11 months ago.
yes
Customer: replied 11 months ago.
Hello.Yesterday my ex called several times but I did not pick the phone.Today he called in the morning I answered because it eas his tone day to dpend with our daughter.During lunch he callef me to ask if I needed anything because I told him I have a cold.I told hom I don't need anything.When he came,he offered to make me a tea,I said I can do it by myself.When he suuggested which medicine yo take,I told him stop controlling me,I know what to do.He could not inderstand why I was not picking phone yesterrday,I just ignored him. Does he truly care about me how I am feeling when I am sick? Does he genuily care or is it something alsr?
Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 11 months ago.
Hard to say. I think he is just trying to stay in your life in any way he can.
Customer: replied 11 months ago.
If I am going to limit my conversations and contact eith me even more will he realize anything? Might he change his behaviors or no?Will he get even more lonely?
Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 11 months ago.
There is no way to tell this. You can't tell for sure and neither can I. Everyone reacts differently.
Customer: replied 11 months ago.
But based on our previous conversations is there is some way to predict a direction or progression of things? What do you think?
Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 11 months ago.
He isn't progressing anywhere and he isn't changing at all. Until he stops contacting you endlessly, he isn't changing. Nothing is changing. He isn't understanding anything at all. There is no way to tell if he will or not. You said he runs hot and cold, so he has no pattern to his behavior right now. He is just doing the same thing. You won't know if he is going to change unless he is actually doing it.
Customer: replied 11 months ago.
My ex called in a morning several times,I did not pick the phone.When he called in the afternoon,I picked up the phone.He said that he was worried because I am sick and wanted to know how I was feeling.I told him I did not puck the phone because I was busy and next time he can just leave a voice mail.So,when I am available I will call him back.I wad wondering when his calls are health related like today,can I answer phone or he still needs to leave a message? Was my answer to him ok?
Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 11 months ago.
No he can leave a message.
Customer: replied 11 months ago.
Will him leaving a message help me be more in charge of situation or I am. not understanding it correctly?
Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 11 months ago.
Just don't answer his calls or return any messages unless it has to do with your daughter. Ignore him.
Customer: replied 11 months ago.
Ignoring him will help him understand anything or make him think?
Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 11 months ago.
It could do both or neither. Just as I have told you, you cannot predict his behavior. You cannot control his behavior. All you can do is control yours. You can do anything you want, but if you allow him to constantly harass you, this is no better than you marriage. Cut the ties and move on. Stop worrying about him and his behavior.
Customer: replied 11 months ago.
How much time should I give it to see if there any changes?
Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 11 months ago.
As long as it takes to have changes and if there aren't, then there aren't any.
Customer: replied 11 months ago.
If you were to put % on the succsess or his abilty to cange what would be likelyhood be?
Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 11 months ago.
Based on our conversation this past month probably about 20%. He hasn't even gotten to the stage of understanding yet. Once he does that, he CAN change but may not.
Customer: replied 11 months ago.
Today he called me 2 times and even left a message for the first time.My ex asked to call him to let him know how I am feeling. 3 hourd later I called him back and had 1min conversation. Is he really worried and wants to know how I am feeling,or is he just trying to stay in contant or there is something alse? Is it okey that I called him or no?
Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 11 months ago.
He just wants to stay in contact. You can do whatever you want to do with him. I'm not sure at this point what else you need or need guidance with. You are divorced and I have been telling you for the past month that you need to move on from him, but it is obvious that you want to hold on and wait for him to change. I'm thinking at this point that a different perspective might help you more,so I am going to opt out and give another expert a chance to weigh in and maybe have better advice for you than I do at this point.
Customer: replied 11 months ago.
You are right,I will definitely follow your advice and cut ties wirh him.I think I can do it now.Please continue helping me.Thank you
Customer: replied 11 months ago.
Can you please continue helping me? I will cut the ties with him.Please be patient with me.I know what to do now,I just need to be stronger and do it.
Expert:  Norman M. replied 11 months ago.

Dr Paige has opted out of answering your questions. The advice she gave you was all good sound advice, and I see from your last post that you are on the verge of acting on it.. Just do it.

This man is using you, manipulating you and playing with your feelings. You are worth more than that.

A lot of what you were asking Dr Paige to tell you was really asking her to make a guess, but even a really good psychologist like Dr Paige cannot predict someone’s actions, so in the end you have to decide. Be a plaything, or take control.

I know what I would do.!

Just do what deep down you know is best.

Regards,

Norman.

Customer: replied 11 months ago.
Hello.So,when he calls I should not pick up the phone ay all? Should I tell him why I am not answering?

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