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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7662
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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Elliott.

Resolved Question:

Elliott, I would like to run something by you if you have a minute. 


I read the book Wizard of Oz and other narcissists and that's also a great book perhaps one of the best on the subject.


My question is about perception and assertiveness.  I am not confident and want to see if I handled this okay.    My son stopped by after college today and he said that I didn't need to call the doctor for my older son who missed an appointment due to a breakdown of his car because he's over the age of 18 and can handle it himself and that his psychiatrist doesn't want to hear from me.  I told him that I don't want to speak to the psychiatrist but just do not want to get charged for a visit that he had not attended due to a breakdown of his vehicle.  so my son kept repeating that the psychiatrist doesn't want to hear from me.  I told him I'd have done nothing wrong and was going to give an example if perhaps his father broke down and I called the Dr's office to tell them the same thing.  He wouldn't listen to me he cut me off and stormed out of the house.  then he said as he was leaving not to call him and apologize.  and he also said how am I going to pay for the course?.  I didn't even answer him how to pay for the course because he was treating me poorly.  and I told him I don't feel like I owe him an apology because he's not talking to me kindly.  I know that I am sensitive because of the environment that I live in but for him to cut me off and then storm out of the house to me felt abusive, and it was shocking.  Then he called me from the car and asked me how he was going to pay for this course and I told him I will call him back because I am too angry right now to speak.  then he called again and asked me regardless of our differences he needs to know how to pay for the course and I told him he could use his debit card and he said okay.  it feels like a replay of his father's behavior and I want to know if I handled it okay and whether my perceptions were accurate.  He has enough money in his account to pay for this course so I didn't feel like giving him credit card especially the way he just acted a second ago before he asked me for money


 ?  Normally he is not a kind of person who takes me for granted and he is very fair with money so it's not the money that's the issue its just the audacity of asking me for money right after he treated me poorly.  I know college just started and probably he is under stress however that behavior just felt no good in the pit of my stomach.  am I too sensitive and did I handle it well and are my perceptions accurate?  many thanks


 

Submitted: 10 months ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 10 months ago.
Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Hi Dawn,

I think that your were correct. The psychiatrist, of course, is not able to discuss your son's case with you, or perhaps even acknowledge that he is a patient, but as a courtesy to the psychiatrist you could have left the message that your son had a car breakdown and could not make it to the appointment. The office might not acknowledge your information because of privacy laws, but they will appreciate the courtesy of you telling them.

You son should be able to do this himself under ordinary conditions, but if was unable to then you showed courtesy to all by doing it.

I wish you well.

Warm regards,

Elliott
Customer: replied 10 months ago.

Thank you. I was asking more about his behavior and my reaction than whether or not I should have called the psychiatrist.

I wondered if I was too sensitive...if he was abusive and if I handled him in a correct manner

Customer: replied 10 months ago.

oh and yes my older son said I am old enough you didn't have to call for me and I just told him that I understand its just that I didn't want to get charged

Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 10 months ago.
Dear Dawn,

He was over-reactive to you. Chalk it up to his youth or to bad modeling of his father's behavior. Your best reaction to the way he reacted was to just let it pass. He was wrong and offenseive but responding in any way but letting it pass would just make the situation worse.

Of course you were offended and insulted. Sometimes you are faced with a situation where not responsding is the best response.

I wish you great blessings.

Elliott

PS - I got your additional note while I was about to send this reply

Next time, let him handle his own situations and learn the hard way. You have just leanred the hard way way about getting no thanks for your small kindnesses.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7662
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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