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Ask TherapistMaryAnn Your Own Question
TherapistMaryAnn, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5802
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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Ive been talking to this gentleman for awhile and after half

Customer Question

I've been talking to this gentleman for awhile and after half a year things have not progressed past phone calls and a few dates. He has expressed interest in continuing to see me however without any longterm commitment. I feel its too early to discuss that topic but he keeps bringing it up that we are just friends and that I should not hope for more.

Upon further questioning he did admit to having other women that he was pursuing ahead of me however he is not intimate w them but he has been w me. I'm starting to feel the intimacy was a mistake because his feelings are for the most part withdrawn and he doesn't share much.

I think he's still feeling me out as to my trustworthiness before opening up but as far as hanging out in his territory it pretty much off limits. We always hang out closer to where I am vs. near his romping grounds.

My question is should I cut and run, remain friends, or just let him go.
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  TherapistMaryAnn replied 3 years ago.
Hello, and thank you for the request.

It sounds like this man has a number of issues. One, he is keeping you at arms length regardless of your feelings about it. That means he either has serious emotional issues (trust possibly) or he puts his own needs first in his relationships.

Two, he is dating other women at the same time he is with you. That shows that he does put his own needs first. He is not considering how any of these women feel, including you, about him dating others.

Three, he tells you not to expect more out of the relationship other than what he is willing to give, which is not much. He is not there for you, does not see your needs as important and he keeps you at arms length all while dating others.

All of these things are signs that this man is not ready for a mature relationship. His own issues seem to get in the way of a true committed relationship. He refuses to hear your side of things and continues to tell you his rules for the relationship without regard for your thoughts or feelings. It is probably a good idea to end the relationship and move on. And staying friends would probably get you the same type of treatment so it might be good to move on altogether and find someone who treats you as you deserve to be treated.

I hope this has helped you,
Expert:  TherapistMaryAnn replied 3 years ago.
I hope my answer was helpful to you. If you have any more questions, please let me know.


May I please request that if you find the service I provided helpful at all that you rate me with three or above? Your rating is the only way I am reimbursed for my answer. Thank you so much!
Expert:  TherapistMaryAnn replied 3 years ago.
I am sorry you were so unhappy with your answer. If there is anything I can do to get you the answer you are looking for, let me know.


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