Thank you for your question.
When two people start dating it is exciting it's new, it's fun.
You are getting to know the person ad you are trying to impress the person.
Once things progress and you begin to get into that comfortable phase you become more of yourself. You get relaxed in the relationship. Then life gets in the way of having full focus on the relationship. Things come up that you have to do and life just becomes busy. You have obligations and relationships then get into a routine.
Before you know it you end up doing the same things everyday. You go to work and come home and the relationship is no longer the same.
People some times find it easier to step away from the problems in the relationship and hang to with friends or they may even find an activity that they enjoy.
The reason for this is because they do not want to face the problems so they avoid them.
It is time for both of you to sit down and discuss making time for each other.
He wants to fix the marriage so hanging out with a co-worker is not the answer. He needs to spend time with you.
The co-worker is easy to talk with because he has no connection. He cares about you and wants to be with you and is willing to find that happiness again.
I know it is hard to trust and give him another chance. But you both have been together so long and been through many things in life and one thing I want you to look at is you both love each other and want to be together.
He does seem to have a pattern of when he gets into that routine that he steps away from the problem.
What he is doing is not focusing on the problem he is ignoring it and taking his mind off it with other things. He needs to face the problems and understand that things can be fixed with communication.
If he wants to go out and be adventurous, then have him plan something together for you both to do. Tell him forget the guilt and do something about it.
Explain that you want to be a part of his life. You want to share your lives together.
You both love each other and it seems too me that he could not live without you in his life. He wants to try to work at this marriage. But it is up too you if you want to fully commit to fixing this marriage.
I feel that you both have worked so much out in the past and you trusted him again. But you need to tell him how you feel and what you feel needs to be done in this marriage for you to feel like you can trust him again.
Even if you have to write it down in a letter on the things you feel he needs to work on and what you both need to work on.
It helps if the other person knows what they need to work on. Then they can begin to make those changes.
You both want to explain your wants and needs in the marriage so that each person fully understands what needs to change.
Thank you again for your question.
I want you to tell him to write it down.
He might have trouble expressing what his wants and needs are, if he writes them down he will be able to think about his thoughts
You could also write down how you feel and ask him to respond in a letter as well.
I want you both to plan your first date that you had.
This often helps in reminding people of the memories they once shared and why they fell in love.
It is nice to have a nice dinner and pull out old pictures and reminisce about the memories you both created over the years.
That is a great start that you have a date tonight. I want you to focus on memories tonight.
I feel that conversations about the relationship right now should be put on hold because you both need to establish a new connection with each other.
Think of it as meeting each other for the first time.
You both want to start over together building an even stronger marriage.
Tonight is the perfect night to start over together.
You welcome and if you have anymore questions you can address your questions to Deardebra. Thank you again.