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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7664
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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Hello, I will try my best to explain my odd situation. I met

Customer Question

Hello, I will try my best to explain my odd situation. I met my friend Jared in college and I met him when I was 19. I'm 21 now and he's 27. It started off as a normal friendship, He sought me out first and talked to me first. He kept flirting with me and asked me out for coffee. He'd do strange things such as staring at me even thou i sat behind him in class and get close to me. We got to know each other and I really liked him. he eventually kissed me first on a lunch date, but he didn't want anything serious.He said he was in no spot for it. I was a bit heartbroken but continued to see him. We did have sex and more then once. It was always at his apartment. At one point during our weird relationship, he said he didn't want to have sex anymore because he didn't want to complicate us but still wanted to see me. I got upset and didnt understand but I was willing to be friends. However it didn't last, we had sex again after 2 weeks of being friends. It seems that we can't control ourselves around each other but we can't let go of each other either. We have a strange chemistry around each other. I'm not sure what his stance is on me because he always gets quiet when I talk about other guys,or friends and can be a bit possessive. During sex he keeps telling me that I feel so good which I have no idea why. After sex he likes to cuddle with me and we just chat for awhile. He said I was smart, sweet, sarcastic and nice. That i have no reason to put myself down. He also told me that i need to get over my insecurity over my looks because i look fine to him. Which I told him I don't think so and he said I do and that's all that matters. He calls me Hun, dear and love. He said he loves my body and feels comfortable around me. Well today while I was working, I saw him hanging out with another girl. He was hugging her and kissing her and worst part is he parked right front of my work! and driving her car! I was so heartbroken because the other day I asked to spend time with him and he said "These days idk when we could". He didnt make time for me but he did for this girl. I was so heartbroken that words cannot describe the pain I felt because I really liked him and cared for him. I cried at work, I felt so hurt and betrayed and worthless. This girl was a bit chubby and looked older (sorry if that is rude but it has ruined my self esteem). I think he saw me but he didnt even acknowledge me. I dont know what to think or even say to him anymore, if I should talk to him ever. I decided to not ever text him but my friends think he might reach out to me. What should I do now? :( I feel like a complete mess and really heartbroken right now.
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 3 years ago.
Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Dear friend,

I believe I can help you.

I understand how devastated you are over your friend's blatant disregard for your feelings, and then dropping you for another woman who probably did not match up to you.

You sound like a great woman and a good catch.

There is no telling why he has changed his mind about you, but most likely he was seduced by this woman who stole hm away from you. Perhaps it was the novelty at first, but she mus be working hard to hold on to him, even letting him drive her car.

He sounds as if HE is very insecure and has low self-esteem and that might have played a role in his betrayal of you.

His behavior and commitment has not always been consistent and perhaps he has strayed before.

What can you do?

Move on with your life. It will take some time to mend a broken heart, but hearts are very resilient and heal quickly.

He may or may not reach out to you. You cannot base your life on that. Even if he did, he has shown himself to be a bad friend.

Divert yourself with activities, friends, exercise and don't try to make contact with him.

If he contacts you he needs a lot of explaining and apologizing to do, which you can allow or you can move on without him.

If you have self-esteem issues, I strongly urge you to get the following workbook which will help you, and another book that will inspire you and give you pleasure and positive hope.

These are the books:

The Self-Esteem Workbook by Glenn R. Schiraldi



and


Getting Past Your Breakup: How to Turn a Devastating Loss into the Best Thing That Ever Happened to You by Susan J. Elliott JD MEd

 

I believe that your choice not to contact him is the right one and will HELP you regain your self esteem and take control of the situation.

 

If I can be of further assistance on this question, please get back to me.

 

I shall keep you in my prayers.

 

Warm regards,

 

Elliott, MAE, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC

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