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Ask Wendy MFT Your Own Question

Wendy MFT
Wendy MFT, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 16
Experience:  15 years experience counseling couples, families, and individuals.
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For, Wendy MFT........ Can we chat.

This answer was rated:

For, Wendy MFT........ Can we chat.

Wendy MFT : Hi there. I'd like to help you. What's your question today?
Customer:

Hello, I just have a quick question please. My fiancee and I have been living together for quite some time now. I work odd hours, as dose she, and it can create a bit of an issue of interrupting each others sleep. Me personally, it dose not bother me all that much, but she is like a monster, a green scaly gremlin. That lashes out with nasty and mean words. Often times she will not even remember what happened, so I know that she dose not mean it. It still hurts though and it makes me feel unwelcome in my own home and bed.

Wendy MFT : hmmmm....That sounds like a really tough situation. What have you tried to do so far to "fix" this situation?
Customer:

Not all that sure what can be done to alleviate the situation. I try to be very respectful and quite, but I am a large guy and kinda oafish. So I run into things, knock stuff over, and drop stuff causing all sorts of noise. Its never intentional, it just happens. As far as scheduling that is just life and has to be played out at time dictates with work and the like.

Wendy MFT : So what is it you'd like me to help you with?
Customer:

Well, because I love this woman, and I have allowed her access to my heart, her actions and words have a huge impact on me. So if she is speaking in such a manner and using such a tone, as to hurt my feeling and make me feel unwelcome is a problem in my opinion.

Customer:

Are you not the expert here.

Customer:

What can be done to help the situation.

Wendy MFT : So, it sounds like this is just really difficult for you, because you love her, and feel vulnerable. And even though you know she is not intentionally hurting you, it still bothers you a lot.
Wendy MFT : I assume you have tried talking to her about this. Have you considered separate bedrooms for the nights/days where you both are home? Is that an option for you?
Customer:

We have talked and not really come up with any options. As far as seperate bedrooms that would be cool with me as long as my bed room came with a young busty blonde.

Wendy MFT : I assume you are kidding about that last part.
Wendy MFT : :-) Or is she okay with that?
Customer:

She would be damn well ok with it if she is kicking me out of my room. And we could share.

Wendy MFT : Oh, okay. Well so if you had separate bedrooms, you would actually feel like she's kicking you out, versus a mutual decision? Why do you assume you would be the one kicked out of the bedroom?
Customer:

Because she loves the bed and the sheets, so I would want her to be happy.

Wendy MFT : That is really sweet. She sounds lucky to have you. Just a few other thoughts...
Wendy MFT : Has she tried earplugs or any kind of sleep aide to help her sleep?
Customer:

She has tried some ear plugs but they are unsuccessful, and she does not care to have them all night. I have tried to tell her to try custom ear plugs. Any thoughts on maybe using a gag on her.

Wendy MFT : Again, I am assuming you have a dry sense of humor....as I can tell you love her and would not really ever cause harm. Custom ear plugs sounds like a good idea. I have seen some do-it-yourself kits at an outdoor store; usually they are for hunters, etc. That's a great idea.
Wendy MFT : I think it's really good that you realize that she does not mean to hurt you. When we are asleep, or only half awake, we are not really aware and mindful of what we are doing most of the time. So it's good that you understand this on an intellectual level, even if it still hurts.
Customer:

Toast.

Wendy MFT : ????
Wendy MFT : Also I just wanted to say that this is an issue that many couples deal with, so you're not alone or "abnormal." it is very common and just something that each couple has to learn to deal with and navigate on their own.
Customer:

Yes well maybe I can get her to use custom ear plugs that will not cause discomfort. There is always the good ol' ball gag to.

Wendy MFT : I hope this has been helpful to you. If it has, please remember to rate me. I appreciate your feedback. While bonuses are not expected, they are always appreciated. Thanks so much!
Customer:

Thank you very much for your interaction, it was very helpful and delightful.

Wendy MFT and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you