How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask TherapistMaryAnn Your Own Question

TherapistMaryAnn, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5762
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
TherapistMaryAnn is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

Last year my husband went to Vegas with friends. Upon his return

This answer was rated:

Last year my husband went to Vegas with friends. Upon his return he wanted to show me this girl who hit on a friend a night they went out. Said he danced with her and she was a very interesting person. A month later my husband had her number (which he got while in vegas said she took his phone which I'm not even allowed to look at) was FB friends and I found a message about him calling her beautiful. When questioned said he didn't know how to tell me but kept talking to this woman till I called him on it a third time. I am still torn by this and don't know what to do as the same sort of thing happened a few months after with another woman and he said it wouldn't. He even claimed I was on my phone to much. I began to create date nights and family date nights only to find out that during one of these night he was texting the one girl every time he went to the bathroom or told our child to the washroom. I am finding this very hard to believe it was innocent and don't know what to do. We are trying to make it work but he won't talk about it. Everytime he gets upset and tells me to let it go already. Please help me
Hello, I'd like to help you with your problem.

It sounds like your husband is choosing to put himself first and pursue other women even though he knows he is hurting you. Even though you have caught him and confronted him, he still refuses to stop. He is also blaming you by telling you to "let it go" instead of seeing that this is his doing and not yours.

At this point, it sounds like your husband is not dealing with his own hurtful behavior. He is either in denial that he is hurting you and your marriage, or he choose not to change because he wants to put himself first.

You can try talking to him again and let him know that you are hurt by what he is doing with these other women. Ask him how he might feel if you chose to seek out other men and contacted them. Then tell him that you both need to go to counseling together to work this out. If he refuses, go without him. You deserve the support and the chance to figure out how you want to proceed with your marriage.

You might also want to consider a controlled separation. Since your husband is refusing to stop cheating (any interest in another women while married is cheating, regardless if sex is involved), you might want to consider separating with the idea that you work on your marriage while apart. Here is a guide on how separating can help:

Should I Stay Or Go? : How Controlled Separation (CS) Can Save Your Marriage by Lee Raffel

Hopefully, your husband will be willing to see that you are serious about repairing the marriage and he will stop what he is doing.

I hope this has helped you,
TherapistMaryAnn and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

Related Relationship Questions