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Ask Rafael M.T.Therapist Your Own Question

Rafael M.T.Therapist
Rafael M.T.Therapist, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3191
Experience:  MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
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Hi All my life Iv fall in love with guys who made me feel

This answer was rated:

Hi
All my life I'v fall in love with guys who made me feel good and loved but every time I get hurt I try to run away from the pain buy jumping to another relationship and easily fall in love. I meet my current partner 4 years ago when we were both not happy with our partners and in the process of cheating my then boyfriend committed suicide due to his personal problems and seem like it was my fault but my current partner was supportive while he kept it a secret that he was engaged. When I found out we separated and we later decided to get back together. My partner has a child that I accepted and he decided to get engaged with me and we had a child. I recently found out that he has a child with his previous fiance and we were always fighting and he decided to go back to her, while he was stressed by the loss of his mom and he became an alcoholic and left me. He recently went to rehab and trying to live a positive live. But the anger is eating me up. I developed fear of being betrayed and hurt yet again and can't stop reminding him of wat he did, but we are still together even though we are both hurting
I don't know whether to leave or stay and hope for the better?

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I am very sorry to know about this very painful and frustrating situation.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I can see that in your lives has been grief, lack of trust, lack of honesty, abandonment and other serious issues undermining it for a long period of time. He is an alcoholic and that adds another serious problem affecting his personal and marital life for sure, and depending on how well he works on his rehabilitation, he would be able or not to take good care of his personal life, and from there of his children and your relationship.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Based on your story, on what these serious issues developed, I see you keep getting back together, which is good, since it shows you want to make it work, but at the same time, the core issues affecting your relationship seem to remain the same, now worsened by his addiction.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I use to tell my clients that the best way to decide in a situation like this, is to assess the pros and cons of the main choices you have, and before anything to be as objective as possible evaluating how healthy or destructive the relationship happens to be. If the impact this relationship is having in your mood, mental health and life is more destructive than healthy, ten the best choice would be to take some time and focus on working on yourself and your personal issues, those that have always led you to self-sabotage. In that way, once you feel stable enough, confident and clearer about what you need and want, then you could effectively choose what is good and what you do not want as part of your life.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Running away from pain is not a solution, but ending anything destructive is always necessary and wise. But what is almost always unhealthy is to get into new relationship without having given yourself the time to heal and procecss another relationship you just left.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Does it make sense?

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Hello, could you read my input?

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Apparently the chat technical issues are not allowing us to communicate. I will change to posting to make sure you can read and reply. Thanks for your patience.

Rafael M.T.Therapist and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Rafael M.T.Therapist says:3:59 PM

Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).

4:00 PM

I am very sorry to know about this very painful and frustrating situation.

4:03 PM

I can see that in your lives has been grief, lack of trust, lack of honesty, abandonment and other serious issues undermining it for a long period of time. He is an alcoholic and that adds another serious problem affecting his personal and marital life for sure, and depending on how well he works on his rehabilitation, he would be able or not to take good care of his personal life, and from there of his children and your relationship.

4:05 PM

Based on your story, on what these serious issues developed, I see you keep getting back together, which is good, since it shows you want to make it work, but at the same time, the core issues affecting your relationship seem to remain the same, now worsened by his addiction.

4:10 PM

I use to tell my clients that the best way to decide in a situation like this, is to assess the pros and cons of the main choices you have, and before anything to be as objective as possible evaluating how healthy or destructive the relationship happens to be. If the impact this relationship is having in your mood, mental health and life is more destructive than healthy, ten the best choice would be to take some time and focus on working on yourself and your personal issues, those that have always led you to self-sabotage. In that way, once you feel stable enough, confident and clearer about what you need and want, then you could effectively choose what is good and what you do not want as part of your life.

4:12 PM

Running away from pain is not a solution, but ending anything destructive is always necessary and wise. But what is almost always unhealthy is to get into new relationship without having given yourself the time to heal and process another relationship you just left.

4:14 PM

Does it make sense?

4:16 PM

Hello, could you read my input?

4:18 PM

Apparently the chat technical issues are not allowing us to communicate. I will change to posting to make sure you can read and reply. Thanks for your patience.

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