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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7662
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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hi. I am sooo glad you are here. Ive known ray for two years.

Resolved Question:

hi. I am sooo glad you are here. I've known ray for two years. I went out
with Shannon twice and once dancing. Shannon wants me to drop ray
so I can go overnight camping with him. I told Shannon I've been trying to set boundaries so ray wouldn't just stop by unannounced or call more than three times a day or stop by every, single day. ray will abide by my boundary for about two days then he is back into his habit of being a pest. I am 60 female.....don't know what to do. I guess I should have
told one man about the other? what should I do?
Submitted: 11 months ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 11 months ago.
Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Dear friend,

I believe that I can help.

It must be very distressing to have painted yourself into a corner and now find yourself in this dilemma.

You are neither married nor engaged to Ray, and he is continuously overstepping his bounds.

He has become a true nuisance and will not respect him.

You unconsciously find him inferior to Shannon because you twice spelled Shannon with a capital "S" and ray twice with a small "r".

Tell ray that you are going camping overnight with a friend and you will not be home, if you want to . Or just go and tell him nothing. You do NOT have to report to him.

If he asks you after the fact why you weren't home then tell him you went camping with a friend. I he asks who, tell him it was a friend named Shannon.

You are responsbile for some of ray's behavior because you do not enforce your own boundary rules.

Tell him henceforth no more calls will be accepted and limit them to twice a day. Hang up if he calls outside of his limit and don't allow him in if he visits outside of his limit.

You have to retrain him to respect you. If you are tired of him then lock him out of your phone and stop seeing him.

If you want to continue, set the standards and enforce them 100% of the time with no exceptions. He can be trained and you must train yourself to do this.

I wish you the strength and shall keep you in my prayers.

Warm regards,

Elliott, MAE, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7662
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
Elliott, LPCC, NCC and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 11 months ago.
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