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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7662
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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CHER, I WOULD LIKE TO TALK TO U. ITS ME STEPHANIE FROM NAPLES.

Customer Question

CHER, I WOULD LIKE TO TALK TO U. ITS ME STEPHANIE FROM NAPLES. I WOULD LIKE TO TALK TO U ABOUT ASPBERGERS SYNDROM. MY FRIEND PERRY HAS IT AND I WANT TO UNDERSTAND IT MORE.
Submitted: 11 months ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 11 months ago.
Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Dear XXXXX,

I don't know of a Cher here anymore, which is perhaps why you are not receiving a reply.

I believe that I can help.

Aspies do enter relationships with others, but if you do you must understand that Perry will probably not have the same depth of emotional and romantic feelings as you because of the nature of this disorder.

It affects social, rather than intellectual development, and those people can have a love relationship which can have intensity when you are present with them, but the feeling may not stick with them once you are out of sight.

I would like to recomend a couple of books to you that will clarify a lot for you in simpe, straightforward terms written by people who know how to communicate effectively.

Product Details

Asperger Syndrome and Long-Term Relationships by Ashley Stanford

 

and

 

Product Details

22 Things a Woman Must Know: If She Loves a Man With Asperger's Syndrome by Rudy Simone

If you are interested in even more than you can try one other excellent book:

 

Product Details

Aspergers in Love: Couple Relationships and Family Affairs by Maxine Aston

 

Warm regards,

 

Elliott, MAEK LPCC, NCC, CCMHC

Customer: replied 11 months ago.

THANK U FOR GETTING BACK TO ME. I HAVE BEEN CLOSE TO HIM FOR 27 YEARS. I HAVE ALWAYS LOVED HIM. HE WAS ALWAYS DIFFERENT I JUST NOW FIGURED IT OUT. I WAS MARRIED FOR 2O YEARS WHEN MY MARRIAGE FAILED IS WHEN HE WANTED TO TRY A RELATIONSHIP WITH ME. I LIVE 2,000 MILES AWAY. IN THE PAST 6 MOS WE WOULD TALK OFF AND ON. HE WOULD ASK TO TRY SOMETHING WITH HIM THEN A COUPLE WEEKS ON THE PHONE HE WOULD SAY HE WASN'T FEELING IT AND SAY LETS BE FRIENDS. HE HAS DONE THIS 3 TIMES NOW. I VISITED HIM LAST WEEK LIKE HE ASKED ME TO DO. WE HAD A LOT OF FUN TOGETHER. BEFORE I LEFT I SAID, LETS JUST KEEP HAVING FUN. I WILL COME BACK IN 6 WEEKS AND WE CAN KEEP THIS GOING. HE WAS ON BOARD. I RETURN HOME AND THEN HE SAID, HE WASN'T FEELING IT. I KNOW HE ADORES ME AND FINDS ME VERY ATTRACTIVE. HE WAS IN A 14 YR RELATIONSHIP WHERE HE NEVER SAW HER BUT TWICE A YEAR. I NEVER PUSH HIM OR SAY I LOVE U. I KNOW HE CAN'T HANDLE STRESS. NOW, HE USE TO BE GOOD AT RETURNING MY TEXTS NOT THIS WEEK HE ISN'T. I'M NOT GIVING UP. WHAT DO I DO? KEEP GOING BACK AND FORTH TO PROVE I'M HERE FOR HIM. I'M SURE WITHIN 2 WEEKS I WILL GET A TEXT OR A CALL ASKING ME WHEN AM I COMING BACK? Y DO THIS? WANT ME THEN DON'T WANT ME?

Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 11 months ago.
Dear XXXXX,

Unfortunately, this is normal behavior for a man with Asperger's disorder. These individuals cannot feel the depth of emotions for others abstractly (when they are not there),and the feelings can diseapper soon after you are out of sight.

You can make endless voyages and you will not change his perceptions or emotional capabilities. This is not something that he can learn to feel. It is like you are swimming in a swift river, upstream against the current. You will not change the flow of the river by swimming harder.

He is upstream from you and you will always have to struggle to have a relationship with him that feels complete.

Perhaps it is time to consider a different direction for your life, one that is downstream and goes with the flow. You should be able to float to your goal and not be forever locked in an uphill/upstream struggle.

I wish you great wisdom and courage.

Warm regards,

Elliott, MAE, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC
Customer: replied 11 months ago.

ELLIOT, THEN Y DOES HE KEEP ASKING TO TRY SOMETHING WITH HIM? WHAT'S THE POINT. HE HAS A 3 YR OLD DAUGHTER WHO LOVES ME. I KNOW HE WANTS A LIFE PARTNER. I KNOW HE IS DIFFERENT. I JUST FIGURED IF I SPENT MORE TIME WITH HIM TO SHOW HIM I'M HERE TO HAVE FUN WITH HIM HE WOULD STAY ON BOARD.

Customer: replied 11 months ago.

I'M WILLING TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM KNOWING HE WILL NOT SHOW ME LOVE LIKE I DO HIM. I KNOW HE LOVES ME IN HIS WAY. THAT'S FINE, I LOVE HIM. I NEED ADVICE ON HOW TO KEEP HIM ON BOARD TO JUST HAVE FUN WITH ME? IS IT NORMAL TO AS PEOPLE TO HAVE A GREAT TIME WITH U THEN, NOT RETURN YOUR PHONE CALL? I DON'T WANT TO LOSE OUR FRIENDSHIP. WHAT DO I DO WHEN HE ASKS WHEN I'M COMING BACK? I NEED ADVICE ON WHAT I SHOULD DO TO BE WITH HIM. HE DOES LIKE BEING IN RELATIONSHIPS.

Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 11 months ago.
Dear XXXXX,

What you are asking is a book's worth of information. It cannot be answered in several paragraphs.

I have recommended three excellent books that will give you the guidance you need.

It is not normal for people to not return your phone call after having a great time - unless they have Asperger's Disorder. Then it is normal. If you want him to be more engaged with you then you must be with him all of the time. He is social, but not the way you or I are.

You must not expect him to be something he is not. You must try to realize that. Reading any or all of those books will reinforce this and you will understand deeply why you can and cannot expect.

Warm regards,

Elliott
Customer: replied 11 months ago.

THANK U FOR THE ADVICE. SO, Y KEEP ASKING ME TO TRY A RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM THEN SAY YOUR NOT FEELING IT? WHEN THINGS SEEMED GREAT WHEN I WAS THERE? I KNOW HE WANTED ME TO STAY LONGER I JUST COULDN'T. I DO LOVE HIM. ALL OF HIM.

Customer: replied 11 months ago.

I KNOW HIS TRUST LEVEL WITH PEOPLE IS LOW BECAUSE OF HIS EX-WIFE. I WOULD NEVER HURT HIM, I ALWAYS TELL HIM THAT. WHEN I GO BACK NEXT MONTH TO C HIM DO U HAVE ANY ADVICE? I PLAN ON JUST HAVING FUN WITH HIM. GAINING HIS TRUST. DO U THINK HE WILL STILL KEEP ASKING TO TRY SOMETHING THAN CHANGE HIS MIND? OR IF I SPEND MORE TIME WITH HIM HE WILL JUST STAY ON BOARD TO HAVE FUN.

Customer: replied 11 months ago.

R U THERE?

Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 11 months ago.
I have to answer questions as they come in so please be patient.

Dear XXXXX,

If you have a relationship with any man with Asperger's, you will get a similar reaction. He is not the same as you and I.

Having had a bad relationship probably did not make him the way he is. The way he is probably contributed to their breakup.

If you want to have a closer relatinship with him you need to be around him all of the time.

Asperger is a disorder that affects the ability to socialize.

If he was blind, holding fingers in front of his eyes would not help him to tell you how many you were holding. You cannot change him but you can develop a better relationship with him but you must be there to keep reinforcing it.

I see that you are a subscriber. I would appreciate some positive feedback for helping you. I get no credit when you don't give me a positive rating, and I am doing this for a living.

Thank you so much.

Warm regards,

Elliott
Customer: replied 11 months ago.

I WILL GIVE U AN EXCELLENT RATING. Y DOES HE KEEP CHANGING HIS MIND ABOUT ME? WANTS ME THAN DOESN'T IS THAT NORMAL FOR HIM? IF I WAS TO SHOW HIM I WOULD C HIM MORE FREQUENTLY LIKE EVERY 2 WEEKS WOULD THAT HELP? WILL IT ALWAYS BE LIKE THIS ME SHOWING UP HAVING A GOOD TIME THEN HIM SAYING I'M GOING TO GET A GIRLFRIEND? WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO? IF I HANG IN THERE WILL HE C I REALLY CARE ABOUT HIM.

Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 11 months ago.
It is out of sight out of mind for him. This is his nature. I know that you think that he should be able to do otherwise, and you are probably a lovely, sweet, kind, and attractive companion. He just cannot experience the same level of emotionality that is normal to you.

You have to accept that this is the way he is. Get the books and read them and you will see that this is not something you can change but only adapt to if you want to be with this man.

I wish you the wisdom to see the truth.

Warm regards,

Elliott
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7662
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
Elliott, LPCC, NCC and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 11 months ago.

I UNDERSTAND HE WILL NOT BE ANY DIFFERENT THAN WHO HE IS. THAT'S Y I LOVE HIM. I JUST WANT TO KNOW IF ITS NORMAL FOR HIM TO WANT ME ONE DAY THEN NOT THE NEXT. ID THAT NORMAL WITH AS PEOPLE? HOW DO I OVERCOME THAT? SPEND AS MUCH TIME AS WITH HIM AS POSSIBLE AND TELL HIM JUST LETS HAVE FUN. U DON'T HAVE TO FEEL ANYTHING. JUST HAVE FUN. IF I SPEND MORE TIME WITH HIM WILL HE GET I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE? HAVE ANY ADVICE ON HOW TO GET HIM BACK ON BOARD? WHEN I'M WITH HIM HE'S ON BOARD. WHEN THINGS GET SERIOUS HE SAYS HE'S GOING TO GET A GIRLFRIEND AND ENDS IT WITH ME. IS THIS NORMAL FOR THEM?

Customer: replied 11 months ago.

I GAVE U EXCELLENT SERVICE. I STILL HAVE A QUESTION CAN U ANSWER IT.

Customer: replied 11 months ago.

R U THERE? COULD U PLEASE ANSWER MY QUESTION THANK U.

Customer: replied 11 months ago.

I RATED U. R U STILL THERE? CAN U ANSWER ME PLEASE.

Expert:  Josie-Mod replied 11 months ago.
Hi, I'm a moderator for this topic. I've been working hard to find a professional to assist you right away, but sometimes finding the right professional can take a little longer than expected.

I wonder whether you're ok with continuing to wait for an answer. If you are, please let me know and I will continue my search. If not, feel free to let me know and I will cancel this question for you. Thank you!
Customer: replied 11 months ago.

CHER, FOUND ME. SHE IS THE ONE I WAS LOOKING FOR THIS WHOLE TIME. PLEASE, JUST LET CHER HELP ME. THANK U.

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