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RealSupport
RealSupport, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3191
Experience:  MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
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Hi there I was out in the shed and found some rude tapes

This answer was rated:

Hi there

I was out in the shed and found some rude tapes and dvds along with a dirty
magazine.

I was quite shocked , have not said anything to my partner as yet, however I have
queried some of the sky movies he watches - he told me he's not into dirty movies.
Do I confront him or just let it go. I thought of dumping the lot - what do you suggest?

Helen

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I am sorry to know about this situation

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

For your relationship to be fie, and continue to develop in healthy and fulfilling ways, it would be necessary to be open and honest about this too.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Now that you found out, not telling him that you know and how you feel about it, would not help but undermine the relationship

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

As a couple you need to feel comfortable, understanding and supportive with each other. It's obvious you do not feel happy with it, and I think it is assertive for you to confront his behavior in assertive way, then listen what he has to say and how well he responds to your confrontation.

Customer:

Is the above all that you have to say please?

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Depending on how he takes it, this incident would allow to work on better understanding and supporting each other, or it could create distance and pain.

Customer:

He generally fobs things off/tells me there is nothing wrong with whatever

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Mutual respect and caring about each other feelings is at the core of every healthy relationship, and it seems he has not respected a boundary that you have, and this is why you feel this hurt by his behavior.

Customer:

Thank you - I will talk to him and take it from there.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You're welcome. This is painful and frustrating, most people in your shoes would feel betrayed and fooled by it, but depending on how both of you address it and work from there on getting back mutual trust and consistency around what is acceptable and what is not in your relationship, you wulod be able too heal, learn and grow from it.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Please do so, and feel free to contact me back, I'd like to follow up if possible.

Customer:

Thank you Good night

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Thank you for your trust. Good night.

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