I should worry more about myself since my kids no longer live here. however my older son came back from college for three days in a row to help my husband paint the house.
The first day it was just him and I and we were talking while he was painting and it was pleasant.
The second day, my husband was painting with him for hours and my husband did not speak, it was complete silence most of the time.
The third day, it was only talking on my husband's side by telling my son what to do intermittently.
Besides the tension between my husband and I, I could see in my son's face unhappiness as soon as he walked in the door on the third day. I said to him how are you doing because I noticed he was dejected and he said I would prefer to be left alone and I said you got it.
Although he attended therapy for four years, is it possible that he was looking for some type of positive affirmation from his father that he didn't receive?
What I also found ironic, is that he was avoiding eye contact with me most of the time. Maybe he was trying to conceal his emotions. He did not speak to Dad unless Dad said something to him. I texted him later on telling him that we will pay him for the job and that I noticed something was weighing on him and perhaps he was happy to get out of this crazy house. He did not reply. I do not want to over identify with the situation with Dad, because I don't want to look like once again I'm trying to point out Dads flaws and turn the to kids against him. the way he acted towards me was probably a response to stress in the household and maybe a lack of affirmation from Dad, but that's just a guess. But does he really blame me for the situation ? Or am I Just a soft target for him to show his negative emotions and conceal his emotions from Dad. Thanks
Yes, good call, he was trying to control my sons emotions by extreme silence on the second day and being overly directive on the third day. My son stifles his emotions with him, correct.
Additionally, I'm working hard on not taking the bait and not showing it in my words or body language, while interacting with my husband and developing stronger boundries.
I just gotta finish reading another book called... Whos pulling your strings, and its quite good.
it's interesting how you talk about meeting my son but without my husband because that's exactly how I feel that I should see him without the presence of my husband.
Lastly, is my son aware of this manipulation since he has been in therapy for the last 4 years