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Rafael M.T.Therapist
Rafael M.T.Therapist, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3189
Experience:  MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
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hi please healp I have a girl who is six years old ,she not

Resolved Question:

hi please healp I have a girl who is six years old ,she not to skiny shes not to fat to me she a normal 6 year old , latelty I have been woory my husbud call her fat all times e he tells her he do not knoe wat to do so she can loose five or ten pounds " realy hurts me as a mom because I know this will affect her confidente for the rst of her life please healp my husband stop saing she is to fat ? tank
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Rafael M.T.Therapist replied 1 year ago.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I am very sorry to know about this very serious situation.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

What you describe here is very concerning, as a parent I would feel overwhelmed to witness my spouse literally abusing my chld that way.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

yes, his behavior is very abusive and traumatic, and believe me, just as you said, it could -and uses to create- deep traumas, mental health disorders, from eating disorders, depression, and anxiety to personality disorders and a life of suffering in relationships because of body-image, self-esteem issues and mood disorders from them.

Customer:

tank you for your healp ,how do a tell my husband to stop sayng front of her that shes is to fat?

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

If your little daughter is not obese nor overweight, not because of what your husband thinks, but based on what her pediatrician tells you and you confirm by basic information about weight and development-age, then there is no reason for your husband to push her, even less to abuse her with this issue he has created. His words are also abusive. In case a child happens to be truly overweight or obese, there is no reason to justify a parent to call her little child "fat", that is verbal and psychological, emotional abuse and is unacceptable, very damaging.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

He is your husband, not a stranger, than the only responsible and effective way to address it is by directly telling him to stop, confronting the abusive behavior right away, making it clear that it is unacceptable, destructive and abusive. You need to be direct, totally honest and open, holding accountability as it is your right and responsibility to protect and take good care of your children, and he is supposed to do the same, and not to traumatize or abuse them at all.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

He could have a good intention, but it is obvious that his understanding about it and behaviors are absolutely distorted, becoming unhealthy and abusive, then need to be confronted and he needs to stop. It is an issue he has created, around weight, and a new issue he has created becoming abusing towards your child, both need to be acknowledged, and he needs to take full responsibility for his words an actions, otherwise further damage would be inflicted.

Customer:

for sure she is not obese to me she is a normal healthy kid , she have no medical issus or anything like it , just because she is is not skiny like a barby doll e tinks that she is fat that some girls who ply soccer at the same team with her <

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Your role as patents is to protect, support, love, understand, and raise your child with responsibility, respect, caring, empathy, compassion and everything healthy and good you could offer her, for her to develop and grow as a healthy and fulfilled human being, but never to do the opposite.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I am sorry but what you are sharing here is awful, it is very abusive and shows a lot of lack of knowledge, understanding, and empathy. It shows how much biases, prejudices and stereotypes deeply undermine your husband judgment to the point of not being able to even respect and take good care of your daughter because of this specific issue he has created.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

If he is unable and/or unwilling to understand and to change his behaviors, ending every form of abuse, he would need to get professional psychological support to work on himself, to resolve this personal issue, leading to the family-parental problem of abuse he has created. I hoe he has very good intentions and affection behind this, but his actions are obviously abusive and traumatic, they alienate and damage your daughter at deep levels, and it should immediately stop.

Customer:

another thing she can not eat a cokie if he is home,or thing normal kids like some times note every day not every week .is realy stress me as a mom a lot and im ver concer for my kid feelings.wat you tink as a expert ? sould I get him healp ?

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Absolutely, is this has become to the point of restricting her this much, not allowing her to eat a cookie, then for sure your husband requires professional psychological support, and you need to confront his abusive and unhealthy behaviors not allowing them to continue.

Customer:

I would love to be able to have your coments by mail address to him see if he read himself ,maybe will healp him have a beter undersatandyng about is coments .proving that he is rong and he neead to stop.How can I have if is possible a copy of this conversation?

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Be direct, respectful, affectionate but also set clear boundaries and limits and make it clear no form of abuse is acceptable and that these behaviors must end. That if he is not able to do this, he needs or get professional psychological support.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

This chat session is and will remain public and available here. This is the link: http://www.justanswer.com/relationship/7yyw1-hi-please-healp-girl-six-years-old-she-not.html?src=dn

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You and your husband could access and read it any time. If you want further and better support, I am willing to assist you with counseling services through our fully confidential interface here: https://pearl.etherapi.com/connectme/164

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Please remember, on justanswer.com, your information is NOT confidential, but is public. On pearl.etherapi.com, we can speak confidentially, over a secure network.

Customer:

ok tank you very much for your healp . good nithg know

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You're welcome. Good night.

Customer:

agan tanks and is good to know I can have a confidencial ,at the adrees you just provide above.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Absolutely, pearl.etherapi is for professional counseling services only, thus it is fully confidential.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

(Please do not forget to rate the session before leaving the chat) Thanks again and bye for now.

Rafael M.T.Therapist, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3189
Experience: MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
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