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Rafael M.T.Therapist
Rafael M.T.Therapist, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3189
Experience:  MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
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I have a situation where the girl knows i have feelings for

Resolved Question:

I have a situation where the girl knows i have feelings for her and she does not respond to any of my texts and messages . She liked me before but she only got more out of control as i showed her that i like her .
Submitted: 10 months ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Rafael M.T.Therapist replied 10 months ago.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I am sorry to know about this challenging and frustrating situation.

Customer:

can i tell u the whole situation ?

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Could you please tell me more about her, her behavior before you told her about your feelings?

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Sure, please go on.

Customer:

well this is the whole scenario as i understand

Customer:

this girl in office started looking at me and gave me signals

Customer:

i ignored her and she kept coming on to me

Customer:

then i started talking to her but not much

Customer:

one day i showed her i liked her like emailing her and asking her phone number etc

Customer:

then from the next day she started playing hard to get

Customer:

then i got irritated and then the ego and power game began

Customer:

her mother also works in the same office and she started behaving with me in a very nice manner

Customer:

i started doubting these parents wants me to marry her or something

Customer:

then this girl left this office as she got a better job

Customer:

but i have feelings for her so i sent her a facebook friend request and she accepted it

Customer:

then i started sending her message on facebook but no response

Customer:

then i became irritated and told her on a chat that i have feelings for her

Customer:

no response

Customer:

after a while shre replied she is not interested

Customer:

but her mother in office seemed to be very happy and all

Customer:

and from then she keeps on ignoring me and her mother keeps on behaving with me in avery good manner

Customer:

after a while i stopped everything and her mother in office used to cry looking at me

Customer:

i am not able to understand whats going on ?

Customer:

please advice

Customer:

whenver i approach her in any way she responds as she does not care

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Could you please clarify why her mother cried at the office and did it while looking at you instead of keep it private?

Customer:

cried means i saw frustration in her face when i stopped

Customer:

too much frustration

Customer:

then this girl uploaded a pic on facebook with a guy

Customer:

and her mother and her friends in office started looking at my reaction and all

Customer:

like observing me that i am getting frustrated or not ?

Customer:

not sure what to do now

Customer:

i am not in a place personally to meet this girl face to face

Customer:

due to so many rejections

Customer:

and i send her messages and no reply

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

How old is this person and what's her cultural background?

Customer:

and her mother shows all the effort to show me that there is a chance ?

Customer:

white girl from south africa

Customer:

drinking partying etc

Customer:

her mother is like 50 or something

Customer:

she is 23

Customer:

but a school passout only

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I agree with you, her mother's behavior appears to show that. while her behaviors seems very immature and possibly manipulative too.

Customer:

and she keeps on forwarding all these messages to the girls in office

Customer:

i know this with the way they look at me next day in office

Customer:

so its a terrible situation going on

Customer:

like whatever i do it kills my reputation

Customer:

and if i do nothing then her mother creates problems

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You were honest and open letting her know about your feelings, after she showed interest from her own initiatives and welcoming attitude, but as soon as you decided to open up, she changed. Now the fact that she left her job there and started a new one must be taken into account too, since now she is not close to you and could have new expectations at the new place.

Customer:

so what to do ?

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You mean she forwarded your email messages to your female coworkers?

Customer:

yes

Customer:

and sms as well

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I am sorry to know that, but such is a very abusive and insensitive behavior.

Customer:

the problem is her mother behaves like i am her son in law or something

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Which confirms how immature and dysfunctional this person is

Customer:

the problem is whenever i try to leave her or something these people so somethings to show me there is a chance

Customer:

and they know i have feelings for her

Customer:

so i cant

Customer:

like she changes her profile pic nad after some time her mother and her friends roam around to check my face how i am doing

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

her mother could and will continue to behave in the way she feels it is fine for her, but you should not adjust your behavior to please or be pushed by anybody, but focus on taking good care of yourself, and it is obvious now, that this person is not only not interested but has become abusive and mean towards you, creating this very uncomfortable climate for you at your workplace

Customer:

these behaviours create problems for me

Customer:

and i am not able to get over her

Customer:

so why her mother behaves like this

Customer:

?

Customer:

and they try to make me jealous

Customer:

and do somethings to test my background

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

They could try to manipulate you, but it would be impossible for that to happen unless you allow it, or enable the abuse and manipulation by playing the game. This is why you need to set clear and healthy boundaries and limits, and not to follow any unhealthy patter here, otherwise you would feel even more overwhelmed, pushed and tense. They do not have power to "make you feel" this is that way, but if you allow or enable their manipulation it would continue for sure, until they change their mind about it.

Customer:

and what i do after office hours

Customer:

but i just want to understand what can be going on here

Customer:

why this girl behaves like she does not care at all and why her mother and many other people in offce try tp push me towards her

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

If you do not feel comfortable nor happy at all with her behavior towards you, and the manipulation all these people have been showing in their behaviors, then I do nto see another assertive option but for you to set good boundaries and focus on taking good care of yourself instead of fueling the obsession about her.

Customer:

thanks

Customer:

but is there any reason why will somebody do that

Customer:

first i thought these people want me to be frustrated to a limit so that i will marry her or something

Customer:

because few times they have asked me in a joking way that will you marry a south african girl or not

Customer:

or will ur parents accept a south african girl or not ?

Customer:

i just want to know one thing that matters

Customer:

that whther the girl feels about me or not

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

It's obvious they are being very manipulative, while she is obviously abusive when disregarding your feelings, avoiding you and then sharing private messages with all these people, that does not show she rally cares, but a very unhealthy approach that could not help you for sure. If this person could do all these things now, imagine what she would be capable of in the future if you expose yourself to her even more?

Customer:

or it is just only her mother because i have agood carrer or something

Customer:

i have a permanant headache which i dont seem to get rid off

Customer:

what can i do about it ?

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Anybody who could speculate pushing you to marry another person you barely know, and who has been obviously abusive and manipulative, would be very disrespectful,immature and even abusive; and I do not recommend anybody in your shoes to expose to that at all, unless you were willing to afford consequences like getting closer to a person who would mistreat you that way and even worse.

Customer:

thks

Customer:

what to do about these feelings of jealousy and headache

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

My suggestion is for you to come to come to terms with reality, with the fact that this has become a very unhealthy and destructive situation, that unless you stop fueling it by playing their game, it would not end soon. but as soon as you decide to set boundaries and focus on taking good care of yourself away from it-them, you would be and feel better.

Customer:

thanks a lot

Customer:

Can you just please give me a possible reason what can these manners mean

Customer:

why will some people behave like that

Customer:

she and her mother ?

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Do not stay passive, isolate or focus on this illusion, but focus on experiencing situations, activities when by yourself and around "healthy" people, in order to create and promote sense of meaning, fulfillment and joy in your life, doing what you enjoy doing, with people who show respect, caring and compatibility with your personality, values and ways of living.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Immaturity, and many times dysfunctional patterns learned in families, since both, mother and adult child present these unhealthy and manipulative behaviors.

Customer:

immaturity for achieving what ?

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Immaturity in their personalities and ways of doing things, leading them to manipulate and disrespect-abuse people, like they show through their behaviors

Customer:

thanks a lot

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You're very welcome

Customer:

i think i will end this and in a non direct way i will communicate this to them that manipulation does not affect me

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Please if you'd like professional, confidential and consistent support though counseling, I am willing to support you too, just follow this link: https://pearl.etherapi.com/connectme/164

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Please remember, on justanswer.com, your information is NOT confidential, but is public. On pearl.etherapi.com, we can speak confidentially, over a secure network.

Customer:

thks a lot

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Just end further contact with her and limit your communication and sharing at work to what is strictly job-related, being friendly fr sure , but keeping good boundaries. You're very welcome. Please do not forget to rate support before leaving the session. Thanks and bye for now.

Rafael M.T.Therapist, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3189
Experience: MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
Rafael M.T.Therapist and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

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