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Rafael M.T.Therapist
Rafael M.T.Therapist, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3189
Experience:  MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
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I already wrote the best I know how. I am not an expert on

Resolved Question:

I already wrote the best I know how. I am not an expert on a computer and I might not be doing this correctly. My question I ask was: I married a man almost a yr ago.We bought a house together 13 yrs ago in my town. He owned his house in another city for many yrs. My question is this after we married he gave his house free to his daughter without telling me. I found it out.I truly believe he should have told me he was going to give it to her. She will eventually get half the house we have now,plus all his. I try to tell him he could of at least told me but he said when I ask him he gets too nervous to talk about it and he thinks what he did was alright. Am I wrong to feel hurt and left out or am I jealous? I need help understanding what is right. Please help. Thanks
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Rafael M.T.Therapist replied 1 year ago.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I am very sorry to know about this overwhelmingly sad and frustrating situation you are facing.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Whenever two adults get together in a committed relationship, both must have the same rights and responsibilities. it needs to be mutual, from honesty, and respect to openness and accountability, otherwise one would end using, abusing or neglecting the other. You have been together for a long period of time, and bought a house 13 years ago, and have been married for the past year, what shows you both chose to take better care of your relationship and set each other as a number one priority in your lives.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

When he decided to gave his house to his daughter without telling you about it, he did not respect a basic boundary and agreement you have as spouses, he was not being truly and totally honest with you, and that's w why you have felt this betrayed, since your agreement and expectations was to be real, honest and sincere with each other, unless you happened to have an agreement that you would not have any role to play around specific areas in each others' lives, like what you were going to do with your houses, property , etc.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

His reaction, being anxious and avoidant shows he was very well aware he was not doing something right when hiding this from you. Then when he tells you that he does not see anything wrong with it, he chooses not to take responsibility for his own actions and choices, and that's very serious, since without taking your feelings, needs, expectations and your agreement into account, there is no way you could continue to build a healthy and fulfilling marriage together, no matter how hard you try, since it is always about how well both of you support, respect and love each other as a team, without one sabotaging the other or the relationship.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Does it make sense?

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Thank you for joining the chat.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Can you read my input and reply?

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I will change from chat to postings, since the chat interface uses to present bugs, that way we will be able to communicate without problems. Thank you for your patience.

Rafael M.T.Therapist, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3189
Experience: MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
Rafael M.T.Therapist and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Rafael M.T.Therapist replied 1 year ago.
Our chat has ended, but you can still continue to ask me questions here until you are satisfied with your answer. Come back to this page to view our conversation and any other new information.

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Expert:  Rafael M.T.Therapist replied 1 year ago.
Rafael M.T.Therapist says:
2:07 PM
Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).
2:08 PM
I am very sorry to know about this overwhelmingly sad and frustrating situation you are facing.
2:12 PM
Whenever two adults get together in a committed relationship, both must have the same rights and responsibilities. it needs to be mutual, from honesty, and respect to openness and accountability, otherwise one would end using, abusing or neglecting the other. You have been together for a long period of time, and bought a house 13 years ago, and have been married for the past year, what shows you both chose to take better care of your relationship and set each other as a number one priority in your lives.
2:16 PM
When he decided to gave his house to his daughter without telling you about it, he did not respect a basic boundary and agreement you have as spouses, he was not being truly and totally honest with you, and that's w why you have felt this betrayed, since your agreement and expectations was to be real, honest and sincere with each other, unless you happened to have an agreement that you would not have any role to play around specific areas in each others' lives, like what you were going to do with your houses, property , etc.
2:21 PM
His reaction, being anxious and avoidant shows he was very well aware he was not doing something right when hiding this from you. Then when he tells you that he does not see anything wrong with it, he chooses not to take responsibility for his own actions and choices, and that's very serious, since without taking your feelings, needs, expectations and your agreement into account, there is no way you could continue to build a healthy and fulfilling marriage together, no matter how hard you try, since it is always about how well both of you support, respect and love each other as a team, without one sabotaging the other or the relationship.
2:21 PM
Does it make sense?
2:56 PM
Thank you for joining the chat.
3:00 PM
Can you read my input and reply?
3:01 PM
I will change from chat to postings, since the chat interface uses to present bugs, that way we will be able to communicate without problems. Thank you for your patience.

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