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Dr. Bonnie
Dr. Bonnie, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2169
Experience:  Experienced in counseling all age persons on relationship issues.
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How do I confront a husband who every couple months goes out

Resolved Question:

How do I confront a husband who every couple months goes out at night, does not tell me where he is or even that he is going out and will not answer calls/ texts? He will eventually arrive home intoxicated (driving) and has no remorse for his actions. He does not feel that his behavior is unacceptable or disrespectful towards me.
Submitted: 10 months ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Bonnie replied 10 months ago.
Hello and thank you for consulting JA,
I am sorry that you are experiencing this uncomfortable situation.
This IS a hard one because you have tried all the right things! There are 2 other approaches...one is a kind one and the other is "tough love". You should tell him that you are at a crossroads about this behavior and are going to give him a choice, either he attend 3 marriage counseling sessions with you or you will be considering separation. I know this sounds drastic but you are not asking too much of him and he needs to face the effects of this behavior. With a counselor to help, the two of you can work this out to the satisfaction of both of you.

You can find a therapist at this website:
http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/prof_search.php

I hope these thoughts are helpful and realistic.
Warm regards
Customer: replied 10 months ago.

I have asked him to go to counseling with me, but he always responds with counseling doesn't work as evidenced by persons a b and c who went and nothing changed. I have considered leaving and taking the kids for several days so that he will realize that I am serious and will no longer tolerate being treated this way, however that obviously poses many complications. Then there's always the fear that I will have to follow through and separate. I believe that he continues to do it because he knows I will do nothing.

Expert:  Dr. Bonnie replied 10 months ago.
Yes, you are probably right about him knowing that you have no choice about this and so he sees no need to change. That is so sad for you, because it indicates that he does not care about your discomfort...or understand how painful it is.

I wonder what would happen if you told him that you actually think about leaving but really do not want to.....you would rather try to work it out.

Otherwise, it means that you will need to accept his behavior and that it is unlikely to change. If that sounds really distasteful, then, maybe leaving is the ultimate goal for you, when you can.

Dr. Bonnie, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2169
Experience: Experienced in counseling all age persons on relationship issues.
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