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Ask Eleanor
Ask Eleanor, Therapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1517
Experience:  Marriage & Family Therapist with 20 Years Experience
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I was in a relationship for 16 years. I was a part of his family.

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I was in a relationship for 16 years. I was a part of his family. A year ago he broke it off and never really gave me answers as to why. We share the same friends so we run into each other once in awhie. A few weeks ago I asked him for a motorcycle ride and he called me two days later and we went out on the bike. He is hanging around a local bar looking for women. Apparently he has not found one yet. He still has a few pictures of me hanging up in his house (his sister in law told me). She talks to him quite a bit, trying to make sense of this. This hurt not only myself but his family. I emailed him this week and asked him for another bike ride. He said sure so I told him to call me when he wanted to go riding. I'm trying not to push anything. His sister in law says that in his mind it's over. I'm going to see him this weeken at a cookout. I want to get his attention. I truly believe that am the best thing that ever happened to him and so does everyone else. He asked his sister in law a few weeks ago if I was dating. In the past year I have dated once, and felt like I was cheating. I do not want to be with anyone but him. Can you give me your opinion on this?
Hello, I am a Marriage and Family Therapist and have been working with couples, married and unmarried, for 20 years and am happy to respond to your question. It would help me give you my best answer if I have a bit more information. How old are you both? What was your relationship like over the 16 years you were together? Was he open with you then about his feelings, his life; or did he avoid your questions then as well? Also some of your response under "Already Tried" has been cut off on my end. I can read the part about the face cream working and him asking you what's new, but after that is not showing. Thanks, Eleanor
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

He is 60 and I am 53. Our relationship was good. Usually had a fight once per year. For a long time we were close and could talk. then somethng happened. I do not know what happened to him. When he broke off the relationship he said things bothered him that we would of talked about. To this day I do not know what they are. He responded to whats new by saying Not much. Glad your havin fun. What do I do.I lovehim even after all this time. How do I get him to notice me again this weekend.

Thank you for answering my questions. Clearly you care very much for this man and I know it hurts you to be apart from him. Whatever is going on with him is internal and significant. Sounds like he may be severely depressed because he has withdrawn emotionally. But you will never know unless he decides to tell you what is going on with him, so the first thing you need to do is to accept that for now you cannot know why he broke up with you. The fact that he has found no one else, has gone riding with you and still has your pictures up in his places indicates that he still has feelings for you. So I would be direct with him in a non-threatening way. I would tell him that you understand and accept that you can't know right now what is going on with him or why he broke up with you but that you still care very much for him and miss him and hope you can spend more time together. That is a gentle way to approach him that should not push him away. I would not try to play games with him to get his attention, but just be yourself and talk with him honestly. Hope this helps. Chat back if you have questions. Good luck and take care, Eleanor
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