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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7662
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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Theres a girl who I first got to know in a course from my

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There's a girl who I first got to know in a course from my college, then we met frequently at work seminars because I worked in a department that collaborates with hers. Eventually we became friends but, to be honest, I ended up having a huge crush on her. Just to put in you into context, I've never had a girlfriend and I had never had so strong feelings like these, there is no comparison with my past crushes. However, the fact that she was in a 4-year relationship always kept me tied up, so I had to learn to cope with the frustration of not being able to do anything about these feelings for her, even though, I think that if I'd had a chance with her then I would have put my shyness aside and, for the first time, would take the lead. Bad news was that those feelings didn't stop growing.
She was out of the country for 4-months due to an internship. Although I believed that with this I would be able to clear my heart and mind, from time to time I still tried to keep in touch with her by e-mail because, obviously, I missed her (never mentioned to her the latter phrase). When she came back, I realized that I was wrong, I was feeling exactly the same about her. We met again just to catch up but, to my surprise, one of the first things she told me was that she had returned for just a few weeks and then she would leave the country to study abroad for at least 3 years. One thing I could notice was that, as a side-effect of her new plans, she broke out with her boyfriend. During the time before she left, we met a few more times and I entered into a dilemma: was it sensible to play straight and tell her about my feelings? or should I just stay silent and close this chapter?. In the end I could't tell my feelings for her in person but I wrote a deep and long letter and sent it, along with some gifts, to her new home. In that letter I told her how wonderful was getting to know her, mentioned all the great things she left in my life and how grateful I felt in earning her trust (needless to say all that is true, don't forget she is my friend), but I also expressed, among other things, my real feelings for her, how much I liked her, why I never said or did anything about it, and how much I needed to at least tell her all that so as to release myself and stop suffering. A little more than 3 weeks past between the last time I met her and the time when she received my shipment (she's on the other side of the world). In the meantime I sent some e-mails to her, just as usual, to know how things were going as well as to tell her that I would sent "something" to her. I know that the letter is now in her hands because she had told me that she was notified about the shipment and then told me that she would pick it up on the next day, I have a delivery receipt. It's been almost four days since she picked it up and she hasn't written to me yet (I don't blame her) but now I don't know what to do and if I should write her... at first I thought this need of expressing all my feelings would take me to releasing myself and, as usual, to showing her how much I trust her... but now I'm feeling a twinge of remorse because I wonder if I'll have released a "bomb" on her by opening my heart in such a deep way. What should I be prepared for? How much should I wait before writing to her without seeming to pushy? I'm kind of nervous about her reaction...
Submitted: 10 months ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 10 months ago.
Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Dear friend,

Admittedly, her lack of response is not a very reassuring sign. She did not reply and say that she lit up with joy when she received your frank message.

If she received what you said positively then she would have answered right away.

Perhaps she is not sure and is measuring her response.

Perhaps she thinks that if she ignores your letter then things can be as before if nothing more is said.

Try to give it a little more time, just in case there was some communication glitch. It won't hurt to write or email again just to try to get some kind of response.

I shall keep you in my prayers for success.

Warm regards,

Elliott, MAE, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC
Customer: replied 10 months ago.

She's been disconnected from messenger and facebook during the last days, that's something unusual in her. The most sensible explation may be that she's been very busy lately, but I don't know if I caused confusion to her and should think that she's hiding from me.


 


Regarding your last point, I would like to e-mail her just to know if she liked my gifts... Should I mention the letter? or should I write as if nothing happened?

Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 10 months ago.
Dear XXXXX,

It does not look promising for you, because these disconnections are usually because a person has willfully made them happen.

You don't know for sure but the appearance is not good. It seems that it may be a cowardly way of not turning you down in a face-to-face manner.

I hope that this is not so, but you could write and ask her if she received your gifts as you were concerned that oyou did not hear from her. Don't mention the letter as she may not want to be reminded of it and needs the courage to address it.

I shall keep you in my prayers.

Warm regards,

Elliott
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7662
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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