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Kate McCoy
Kate McCoy, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5556
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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"Kate" McCoy She responded to me last night: Well, Reading

Customer Question

"Kate" McCoy

She responded to me last night:

Well,
Reading this makes me sad. Thinking about it makes me sad. I know you care, and I know you are hurt, and I know that now you have a level head about this. Thank you, XXXXX XXXXX wanted you to realize everything that my heart knew, and that I was trying to get to you.

I want to be completely honest about my feelings, as fully leaving this all open is about the only thing I know how to do and have always done. I don't want you to be sad, and I don't want you to be hurt. These past few weeks I haven't missed you, and I realized it's ONLY because I realized I had nothing to miss. You weren't there. At the end you were barely present even when you were there. I know I tried, I really did. I only wanted us to share things, and be a part of each others life. But in the end I was so matched with resistance that I eventually just gave up. I figured thats how you wanted things, that you didn't want to talk.

I don't want you to think this is an email just listing things wrong with you. But I want to be perfectly clear that these are things I did not like. And I owe it to myself to not look past these things - like looking at Twitter when we were out to dinner, or drinking by yourself late at night, all night. What was I supposed to think? I think I thought I was supposed to be okay with this.

If these are things you want to continue with, then please, do as you will - but this is not something I can choose for myself.

I know everyone is flawed, and by all means I'm no where near perfect. But I can't be indecisive here. After I left you Friday, and after the tears were gone, I felt good. I felt really good...because I finally made a decision for myself. That may sound silly, but it was so hard, and it was so hard to even reach to that place deep down where I knew I was doing the best thing for myself. And for you, I knew walking away that sometime in the near future you would realize...realize everything that I was trying to get to you.

When I would come across a picture of you I would be sad, so I tried to put all those things away. I didn't want to think about it at all. I think about really good moments we had, and I miss those, but then I remember the tremendous push it took to get to those moments. I'd love to think that you can or will change, I'd love to know the Luke you are supposed to be. But its going to take my own time to even get past the soreness that came from pushing and pushing up against everything you threw up against me.

I want you to know that I think you are an incredible person, and thats why I wanted it to work so bad. I thought it should have worked. But its not about getting out on the other side. It's about every. single. day.

I always knew I wanted to talk to you again, but I didn't know when the right moment would be. I would like to see you again...in the near future. I just don't want to say when..just yet...I think we both need more time away from this.

I am always open, and always here for you, no matter what.

I'm sorry for the essay, and I don't want to hash things out over email...but I can't hold back i suppose. Again, i want to talk to you - but I feel like I need to be in another place first..less fresh, more clear.

Please, I hope you sleep well tonight and every night.


Then she quickly followed up with another:

This is why it's so hard for me to talk to you or even see a picture of you because I immediately question everything I just said. I know you know all of this now and your probably mad that I wrote a whole email seemingly putting you down.
I suppose its my way of explaining my reasoning to myself.
I didn't want to talk to you again because I didn't want to keep telling you these things, I know you know them.

I'm just not in the position to remember the good things, because self doubt comes creeping in and I'm left with sadness.

When I think about it I'm struggling too - you aren't lost to me. I promise.

But I can't can't can't...
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Kate McCoy replied 1 year ago.
It sounds like she is still hurt but is trying to work through what she feels. She mentions feeling sad a lot and that indicates that her feelings are still on the surface and that she has not worked through them yet. There is a lot of energy around her email and in that way, there still seems to be something to what she feels for you.

She also talks about wanting to see you and that she feels you are not "lost" to her. It may be that right now, she needs the space she talked about in order to deal with what she feels.

My sense is that she is still willing to have contact with you because she says- "I am always open, and always here for you, no matter what."
And she also says she knew she would be talking to you again sometime. So you may be able to take that to mean she is open to talking. Which is a good sign.

You may want to acknowledge her emails then tell her that you appreciate her willingness to be open with you. Then talk to her about respecting her needs and that you agree that you want to be able to get together to talk sometime soon. Ask her if it is possible to stay in touch (even offer to be friends) and see what she says. She may be open to that and you can work on the relationship from there.

Kate
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

I'm not mad, not at all. Your words are true. I failed you. And I don't want you to be sad. In fact, I never want you to be sad. I want you to know that I understand, that I'm listening. I acted foolishly, contrary to the man I am and the man I'm going to be. Changes are afoot. I could go on, but I don't want to trouble you before bed. I also want you to sleep well. When you're ready to talk, I'm your huckleberry. (reference to a card i once gave her)


 


good response or bad?

Expert:  Kate McCoy replied 1 year ago.
That is a great response! I would keep that and send it to her.

Kate
Kate McCoy, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5556
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
Kate McCoy and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

thank god! i sent it last night in reply. ill keep you posted on how things go. thanks so much for your help!

Expert:  Kate McCoy replied 1 year ago.
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Expert:  Kate McCoy replied 1 year ago.
Thank you so much for the positive and the bonus! It is appreciated.

Talk to you soon,
Kate

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Kate McCoy
Kate McCoy
Counselor
5556 Satisfied Customers
Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues