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Ask Rafael M.T.Therapist Your Own Question

Rafael M.T.Therapist
Rafael M.T.Therapist, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3191
Experience:  MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
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My fiance does not want to be with me. At first i thought he

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My fiance does not want to be with me. At first i thought he was too busy, then i realized every time i asked him, he would say something about me wanting sex mire than i want him. That isn't true. I want him. I just think now that he is saying this because HE doesn't want sex? Why else would HE bring it up every time?? Sex is natural for people in love, however, if he feels that sex is not for him.. , how do I handle it? Do i just take something to lower my sex drive and be with him if he ever comes?? What should i do to make him know i love him, and if he doesn't want sex, that is ok with me?

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I am very sorry to know about this sad and frustrating situation.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Could you please tell me for how long have you been dating and how long ago did he start being this way towards you, telling you that you do not love him ans avoiding sex?

Customer: What does ans mean?
Customer: and?
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

sorry I meant "and" avoiding sex.

Customer: he doesn't think I don't love him i dont think.. I just think he does not want to have sex with me. When i ask him when I can see him, he only mentions that sex is not the only important part of a relationship. Sooo, i can only surmise that he does not want to make love to me.
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I think you are absolutely right, since sex is an integral part of every healthy and fulfilling relationship, even more when people are dating and working on building affection, passion, attachment and a strong relationship. If you do not happen to be cold towards him, but also show affection, that you care about him, that you want, need and enjoy spending time with him at other areas and activities, then it would not make any sense for him to complain about it and to accuse you the way he does, and if he refuses to have sex with you based on that, I believe that he is avoiding it using such excuses just as you said.

Customer: Ok, that's what I was thinking. Thank you.
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I'm sorry to confirm your fears. If this has been in fact the scenario you have been facing then everything would point at a him making excuses to avoid having sex with you. If that is the case you will need to find out what is the real problem here. Boyfriends do not use o complain about regular sex, they use to feel happy and fulfill of regular sex, and if he was fine with it before, and nothing in your relationship and now he suddenly changed his behavior, it would show that he has a problem and he's not been honest about it, but he may be trying to manipulate you, which would be very concerning of the impact it is obviously impacting your relationship.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You will need to confront his behavior asking him to please be honest with you since it don't make any sense and it' damaging your relationship and that it's something you don't want to afford because you care about him and you have built together. But he needs to do the same for this to work, even if that requires getting professional counseling support. Thank you for your trust. Please feel free to contact me to any further support.

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