Hi! I'll be glad to help you with this issue.
I can imagine how frustrating this situation must be for you. Wow, this is a difficult question. You're both good people but your needs are not the same right now. You are clearly in love with her and you have been together for a long time in this relationship. I don't know all the economics of your house and the implications of selling it, but there's really an elephant in the room and it is very concerning here: she is a married woman.
And this is actually the key to my answer to you that you need to consider and think about. She may want to look at herself as a divorcee, but she's not. She's legally married to that man. I don't know what her moral outlook is and it's fine if she doesn't consider legalities to be important, but they are how the world works. We are a society of laws.
Along with this you are uncomfortable with this lack of clarity in her status. I imagine you've made it known that you would like her to take care of this issue as it is an issue for you. That she has not in these many years is of concern.
I am sure that she must be a really great person for you to want to remain in the relationship this long, but it does sound all very one-way. I understand that with a child at home she may not want to uproot her son. But for her to ask you to make such dramatic changes in your life when she has not felt she needs to honor your needs here for her to clear up her legal status is a tough one, I can imagine.
I am also very concerned about your giving up a good employment situation at this time. Our country is going through very real economic upheavals. There are so many people who have found that there are no new jobs that are full time, only part time work because of the uncertainty. This is very real and it can wreak havoc on you as a man and as a person trying to support yourself. This is not a great time to reject any good situation you might have.
So as I said, you're both good people and I can imagine the desire to be together is very prominent. But for you to make this move right now is a scary thing to do and I think you need to convey that to her.
Okay, I wish you the very best!
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