i'm thinking about writing her an e-mail. What do you think of this:
I went to LA for a week to help clear my mind, but i also realized that it was the perfect opportunity to ruminate, away from everyone and everything. At first, I tried to make myself feel better, but when i actually examined the evidence, I was horrified by what I saw. For months, I put you down and shut you out. All you were trying to do was help me, spend more time with me, talk with me. I can't imagine the pain that you must have endured. You put up with so much, for so long. I'm ashamed of myself. I neglected the person i valued most. I'm so sorry.
I was incredibly stressed out with my living situation here. It was a prison for me. It drove me mad. I projected my stress onto you rather than sharing those feelings with you, rather than expressing them to you and letting you in.
you said once that I loved you, but didn't like you. The truth is i really, really liked you. So i built a wall. I think i was afraid of what it all could mean. I was stuck. I'm sorry it took me so long to catch up.
Is there anything that i can do for you? Anything you need from me?