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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7662
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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Elliott, hope I can run something by you. My weekends are

Resolved Question:

Elliott, Id like to run something by you. My weekends are the roughest. If you have time for another question, it would be appreciated.

Submitted: 12 months ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 12 months ago.
Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Dear Dawn,

I shall make time for you!

Warm regards,

Elliott
Customer: replied 12 months ago.

Thank you..

 

My older son who is 20 also came from college and spend some time here today. He asked my husband to go to the shore with him and do some surfing. Normally he would go with my other son who is 18 but he was hanging out with his girlfriend today.

I keep an emotional and physical distance from my husband on the weekend due to psychological abusive behavior, often covert. I was upstairs when they came back home and stayed there. I do however interact much more with kids when my husband is not around because it's much more emotionally safe. My son left the house abruptly lastnight and tonight by barely saying

goodbye to me. So I called him and asked him if anything was wrong why he left abruptly besides the usual tension between Dad and I. He was short He was short with me was short with me was rude and said I'm driving I'll call you later

and I said something else and he just repeated I'll talk to you later. However I know for sure that he will not call me and I texted him saying that we don't have to talk while you're driving but you are a short with me today and it doesn't feel good.

my gut feeling is he will not respond to that text either. its not only one person in the house I feel I have to teach how to respect me it's now three people. I have the most pain and I'm the sickest person in the house and yet I am the kindest. and should I call my son and talk about this or just let it go since he already knows how I feel. and if he doesn't respond to my text and my phone call from before then I would think that continuing bad treatment toward me. or am I just being overly sensitive because I live in a walking on eggshells environment?

I know he's back in his dorm now and most likely received my text.

Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 12 months ago.
Dear Dawn,

You son is upset by going back to a house where there is a lot of tension. It is a depressing environment and he may suffer from depression, at least sporadic, because of this stressful home.

People who are depressed are short and irritable and cannot help it completely. Because you are the most loviing and most forgiving person in the house, you are the one he is not afraid to snap at. He needs to snap at someone and you are safe because you love him unconditionally.

Your husband also models this kind of behaviour and your sons are just following the example that they have learned by repeated example over the years.

Try to see their behaviour as an indication of their level of trust in you. I know you would much prefer to see something positive, but this is an odd sort of affirmation in their trust in you.

Try to enjoy the rest of your weekend.

Warm regards,

Elliott
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7662
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
Elliott, LPCC, NCC and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 12 months ago.

Thank you.


All he had to do was admit it, because it is the environment.


Should I see their behavior as safely expressed to me, or abusively expressed based on what they witness from Dad.


Im not clear on how much I should allow.


Should I just let it lie, or text again saying I wish you had a better environment to return home to.

Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 12 months ago.
Dear Dawn,

See it as safely expressed to you.

If you disallow it the you open a rift. It is not right but the best thing to do is to try to ignore it. There is no need to apologize. You all live in the environment and you are not the cause.

Hard as it is, try to just let it go for you cannot fix it. Cpmtomie tp be stong.


Warm regards,

Elliott
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7662
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
Elliott, LPCC, NCC and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

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