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Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).
I am sorry to know about this frustrating and challenging situation.
but I think its more silly than challenging
frustrating none the less though
Depending on how good friendship you have developed and her level of maturity, telling her about your feelings could have a more or less powerful impact in your current friendship.
no matter what huh
She has told you very clearly about her interest for somebody else plus needing distance-space to move on from previous relationship, both are signs that he may not consider you romantically but only as a friend.
that makes sense
I was hoping to only say this to her but remain friends as well
but yeah it would only complacate things
You would need to assess the pros and cons of telling her what you feel. as you said, there is a high chance that this would create a distance between you affecting your friendship. She is telling you she likes this other person, then she could not take as nice from you to share about your feelings when she is already feeling that way for him while still needing time to move on.
For how long have you been friends?
close to 9 months i think
If you have a close friendship you telling her not to share about her feelings and personal lief with you could be taken as hostile or incompatible with the trust and intimacy a good friendship implies. Then please be careful about the boundaries that you set and the consequences your actions could trigger.
Healthy friendship is always supportive. Now if you do not feel comfortable at all as her friend because of your romantic feelings, and are willing to afford the possibility of not having her friendship any more, then you could directly tell her what you feel and see how she takes it.
But if you are unsure or do not want to risk what you have, you would need to be patient and see what happens, trying to get closer and see if she allows it, but affording the possibility she starts a new relationship with that person or any other one.
This situation challenges and would make obvious the quality and nature of your friendship, depending on how each of you handle it your friendship would be more or less affected.
I do want her around
besides the fact that I work with her, I do like her enough as a person to not want to hurt her
Then please be careful with the way you approach it and set boundaries, he last thing you would want to afford is for her to feel pushed or controlled by you.
but I will need to be patient I guess then
I think so, and afford what could come, including new relationships she may have.
probably be better for my character in the long run i suppose
I agree with you.
Please be patient, understanding, gentle and supportive with yourself too, in this way you would be able to better cope with obvious challenges this situation presents.
like what sort of things i can do to help my patience or being able to cope with her feelings
like maybe try and see someone else?
No, I would not recommend you to look for someone else if you are truly interested in this person, but not to obsess with her, to promote a stable life, sharing in healthy ways without pushing her nor yourself, respecting boundaries and trying to enjoy your friendship as much as possible. yes, social activities, healthy sharing and doing things that you enjoy, that bring more meaning and fulfillment into your life.
on that note there was this event that she invited me to in a couple of months, I think she's also inviting her interest as well, we both know him. Would it be okay to go? And what sort of things can I do to be patient in that circumstance, we all work together too.
You need to assess if you want and are able to be there with them and cope with it or if it's better for you not to be there, depending on how you feel and your coping skills.
The best approach would be for you to be very mindful about reality, what you feel, about what she feels and wants, respecting that and taking responsibility for your feelings without pushing them on her at all, but gradually working on deepening your friendship to see how far you may get, and for sure to get actively involved in bringing more fulfillment in your life at different areas for you to feel more in control and confident, stable and hopeful.
she is a positive aspect in my life
so i should treat her that way
Sure it does. Absolutely.
even if its not exactly what I want right now
I need to be a postive in her life as weel
if i respect our relationship
Correct, you can and should only control what depends on you. if you do a good job taking good care of yourself and playing a healthy role in her life, while gradually getting closer, then you would have more chances than pushing something too soon and not at the very best time.
I think im feeling better now
thank you for the advise
Good. You're very welcome.
Thank you for your trust.
Thank you for listening