Please just write down those questionable things that Jared said to you and ask me what you want to know about them. I'm sorry it's been so long since your first question that you don't remember how to manage with this website.
That means he's using his memories of sex with you as his sex fantasies. He's also inviting you to participate thru sex-texting or phone-sex. That means he doesn't have what it takes to seek a romantic relationship or even face the feelings of any person he has personal sex with, now or in the past. He's not answering your texts again because he's revealed what normal people would consider a perverted approach to sexuality--even though there are easily thousands of men (and some women) doing that sort of thing on any given day.
Would you like Jared to STOP masturbating with fantasies of having sex with you? By telling you what he has told you, he's made himself guilty of sexual harassment, so you have some power and don't have to be frightened of him. I'm not going to advise you on what to do until you tell me what you want: If you want him to STOP masturbating with you in his fantasy AND resume texting you "as friends," that's one thing. But can you be "friends" if he's using us as an imaginary blow-up doll? Will he promise to stop masturbating if you agree to resume texting "as friends," with or without the possibility of sex in the future? If you want him to STOP masturbating with you in his fantasy AND cease all contact with you YOU HAVE TO WANT TO STOP ALL CONTACT WITH HIM.
I know I'll have to say this over again a few times. But people who have established a sexual-love relationship over a considerable length of time are likely to have some psychic connection ongoing, even if neither of them is aware of it consciously. So WHEN you text him you're giving proof to him that you're thinking about him, and that's the same as fantasizing, even though you're not fantasizing about having sex with him.
Was he your first person to have intercourse with? Because that can have a lingering effect, and you also have never had a chance to realize how much you were being cheated out of a real relationship because you took FWB as the nearest thing to sexual love you have ever known.
So if you're fantasizing about him, and he's fantasizing about you (With Benefits in his solo behavior), then your psychic connection is still being refueled and kept alive at both ends. Your obsession with him has never been good for you and your normal development in the romantic and sexual arena; and now you know that it could be supporting an imaginary psychic connection that's fostering his perversion. So I would advise you to 1. STOP ALL IMAGINING ABOUTY JARED; but since you won't be able to stop that immediately, each time you start to think about him, 2. change your thoughts & imaginings into some self-protective thoughts, like "Get away from me, or I'll call the cops!" or Enveloping him in flames or a bolt of electricity that burns him down to ashes.
If you stop putting in psychic (fantasizing) energy from your end, then the psychic connection between you will weaked. And if you use imagery to keep your own images of him away from you, that will also communicate the message of "stay away from me" to him. I cannot guarantee that meeting your own images of him with burning electricity will stop him from fantasizing about you, because that's a sexual addiction that the person himself has to want to break.
I doubt you are ready to hear and understand this kind of information and advice in your sexual young adulthood. But this is where you are now, because you have not made the conscious choice to stop obsessing about Jared and then mustered up the WILLPOWER to stick to your choice no matter how much you miss him (WHEN YOU FANTAsize about him--because the Jared you fantasize about is NOT much likie the Jared who really exists, as you can now understand, since he's told you how he fantasizes about you). NOW that you know what you are to him, you have a good MORAL reason to choose the path I've been urging on you for many months already. And I will help you stick to it if you want me to.
You mean you WANT him to fantasize about you while he's masturbating? That doesn't sound creepy IF you're back to actually HAVING SEX WITH HIM and you WANT TO CONTINUE A SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP WITHOUT even a reliable friendship. I'm I correct in assuming that you've gone back to having sex with Jared whenever he wants you to, becauswe he treats you nicely when you do that? By "possessive" do you mean dominant? "You'd better be doing (this) thing"--(meaning something that turns him on sexually?) or "making me that" ((meaning forcing you to do"that"?)
I think you SHOULD be freakin out, and should be guessing that he's ignorin g your texts on purpose because IT WORKS TO MAKE YOU DO WHAT HE WANTS, and makes you "want to be friends" because it feels so good when you've been feeling DOWN for days or a week and he finally shows you some kindness and says a few nice things. You are so trapped in your doubts about your own attractiveness that you've asked me half a dozen times if he thinks you're attractive. And your doubts (normal for almost all girls in their teens and early twenties) GROW LARGER each time he ignores your texts for a few days, because you NATURALLY feel rejected, so you start wondering if 1. you aren't pretty enough, 2. he doesn't like you.
I'm not going to assume he's doing this accidentally anymore. He knows it works to make you feel insecure and then you'll do anything he wants just so he'll treat you nicely. And the only relationship he'll give you is a sexual user-relationship.
I've toldyou before that guys who are into picking up girls and using them for sex with no intention of getting to a committed relationship tell each other that you should always make a girl WAIT a few days before you contact her, after you've said that you will, because waiting makes her anxious, and she'll start doubting herself--so when you do call she might be mad, but she'll also try very hard to please you and look attractive for you--and give you good sex the way you want it, so that she won't lose you. Then you just do the same thing again.
Have you ever taking beginning Psychology? One way to understand this trick is called "Intermittent Reinforcement" which is a way of controlling an animal's behavior. In this case it's "Intermitten Negative Reinforcement," where Negative Reinforcement means fostering the increase in a desired behavior by taking away a consequence that is punishing. The behavior he wants to to increase is 1. waiting for his call, 2. NOT ever going out or getting interested in any other boy 3. texting him with eagerness to get together and 4. wanting to give him the sex he wants whenever he wants it. So his positive reinforcements (rewards) for these trained behaviors are "kind words," compliments, some caring for your sexual pleasure. But the negative reinforcements are the punishments that he intermittently takes away: IGNORING your efforts to maintain consistent contact--It is fundamental to any healthy relationship for both partners to 1. give and receive clear understanding of when each can expect to be in contact (one way or another) with the other, and 2. have equal opportunity to get the other person to do what they need him to do, not just on his time schedule but often on yours. Jared won't let you rely on him for consistent communication, and he won't do what you want him to do. And now he's giving you domineering commands in sex. And he's fantasizing about sex with you, so he's working up scenarios during solo-sex when he's ONLY pleasing himself and picturing you totally serving his turned on state. Then he's taking his fantasies into a sex meeting with you and insisting that you act them out--or you can easily expect that if you don't do his bidding he'll never respond to your texting again, and he'll be gone forever. This is the path to Sexual Slavery, also known as Sadomasochism.
IF what you've said he's doing has actually begun to happen in August (after you were so hurt because all he wanted to do for you birthday was have sex-pleasure with you as many times as he could) then Jared is developing a Sadistic control over you (control and forcing the other to serve his sexual demands IS Sadism. As a Masochist you develop a very low self-esteem, because you are not accepted by your Jared unless you do all the things he wants, and some of them may be embarrassing, or demeaning or disgusting or humiliating or scary, especially when you've never done or even fantasized about them before, and some are not at all erotic or pleasurable for you, and may even be painful (like anal sex).
1. Turning sex into a command-performance can destroy love. I knew a Danish man very well in a men's group that I led. Though married twice and a college teacher, He'd had many European and American women in North America, usually medium length relationships, 3-24 months. One Polish woman had loved him SO much that she wanted to give him the "best sex ever" by acting out all of his sexual fantasies with him. He said at first it was great, but after some months things changed, and he wasn't feeling love anymore, because he was too excited sexually to be aware of the much milder tones of love. Within 6 months he had "burned out" the love he'd had for her (unlike Jared, at 40something, Hal was always seeking love, NEVER just sex.) He LOST his love feelings and the relationship ended up feeling like prostitution with her as his professional sex object. He felt very bad about that and realized that sex fantasies can juice up the mind, but they should not be acted out to any great extent, or they would destroy romantic love. Sadomasochism is "sick sexuality" because it's organized around control and it creates CRAVING like an addiction, but it dstroys love.
2. I will discuss your feelings about the specific sexual demands Jared is making, along with those demands themselves, to find out if you actually are going down the path into pathological sex addiction if you want--because you don't seem to be confiding in anyone else who could even react protectively (as I already have) to you're being sucked in to giving sex for so-called "friendship" that isn't even balanced and caring friendship. I'm seriously concerned, as you are somewhat alarmed yourself, that you are already far down the path into an unhealthy addictive relationship to a boy who's gaining increasing power over you, and doing it on purpose, so that he can now enact his sex fantasies with you: NO LOVE POSSIBLE on that path, and if you do sexual performances for him for long enough, it could corrupt your relationship to sexuality for years to come. There is a ray of hope here however: Since Jared is not capable of loving you, and you are loving him in spite of his efforts to prevent that (so he's using it now to keep you hooked), that means you still have never experienced a real mutual love in your life, and there's a good possibility that you will be able to give and receive that blessing with a young man who really IS capable of loving you. If you can shut off your craving for Jared, that is. And IF you make sure NEXT TIME to not start doing sex before you feel love growing in both yourself and your boyfriend.
I know you're "dense" and naive, but I don't want you to suffer the wounds to your heart and soul that have been mounting up the whole time I've been corresponding with you. B,.ecause you've never stopped freakin out over whether you're attractive enough and liked enough--so he's doing that to you on purpose.
Can you be explicit in describing what he demands that you do? What does he demand from you?Are any of his demands actions that you would have thought disgusting if they were from a guy you were just beginning to have sex with?
I'm trying to understand enough about your last month with Jared to take care of your interests. Your birthday was July 27 (was that #21?), and you were hurt by how he treated you then. I want you to explain what happened on and around that day, and what has happened since then. Specifically, how many times and on what dates has he spent time with you in person on that day and since then? And what did you do each time? (I don't mean details, just things like "movie," "sex," "travel," "concert." "dinner." When did his asking for naked pictures start, and what dates did he make those demands? Before or after he wrote that he masturbates to fantasies of you? What were the dates of his demanding to see your body? Is that web-cam phototography? Are you using Skype for meetings? On what dates? Also, as accurately as you can, indicate the days when he did not contact you, even though you had sent something yourself. I want to be able to draw up a chronology of text-contact, naked picture-sending, visual contact, in-person contact, and his ignoring you (possibly on purpose). Then one could find out if it's possible to predict IF and WHEN he will contact you, and if he likes you more now or not.
I can't be sure whether he will talk to you again until I understand the nature and sequence of his actions towards you since right before your birthday, as I have asked you above. He seems to show some concern about the effect of his behavior on you, and that is important for me to assess.
So his schedule hasn't changed since your birthday? His pattern has stayed the same? That's good. What month and year did you meet & how long after you met did you get together for sex the first time? I still need to understand what his pattern is with texting: You say he demands to see your body half the time when you text each other. Does that mean you just take off your clothes and do brief videoclips of yourself for him?
Can you remember what has happened in August since he wrote you the long birthday text the next day, after forgetting to greet you on his birthday? That is, have you met at all for sex in August? *(When?) After the birthday text, how many days did he go without responding to any of your responding texts? When did he respond to you again? Did he ask you to show him your body some time later in the month during a texting session?
What I'd like to get is a sequence, approximate, for example: Jul27(Ignored) 7/28 (Long text, nice); 29 (NoResponse) 30 (NR) 31 (NR); 8/1 (BriefText) 8/2 (NR); 8/3 (NR); 8/4 (SexTalk:ShowMeYrBody); 8/5 (NiceTalk); 8/6 (--neither of us texted) 8/9 (---); 8/10 (---); 8/11(NR--I txted); 8/12 (NR) and so on.
I'm trying to find out if he might be calculating how to set up your feelings to be very insecure about whether he cares or is attracted or not, and then some nice texting or demanding of naked pictures followed by ignoring your texts if you don't provide them, or some rewarding ttexts if you do provide them; and when his domineering language shows up.
I'm a little surprised, because I thought this controlling/demanding stuff only showed up recently, so perhaps it's escalating. But now you've cleared up my misunderstanding somewhat, by saying it's been going on for months--6, 8, 10 months or more, but only every 2 months does he spend 4 hours with you.
I asked how many times you saw him before you had sex for the first time. Did his ignoring your text messages start right after that? Or did it take a while before that began?
Yeah his schedule is pretty much the same, except it probably has changed since college started this week. I technically met him in January of 2012 but we didn't talk until March or May. We didn't have sex until June or July. What I mean about the texting is there is times where we could have a long texting conversations without anything sexual at all. At other times we will sext each other for a long time, and sometimes sext each other 2 or 3 times a day. Sometimes I'll quickly give him a pictures but when he has more then one demand I make him wait a bit. He also sends me pictures. He wanted to have sex in August, he kept telling me he wanted me to come over (on my own thou) and spend the night with him. I told him if he could just get me since I don't have a car and he said maybe, I am pretty busy. I said well hopefully soon. He said we will figure out a day :-). After the birthday text he talked to me all the time and responded right away. Before my birthday however he ignored me from May 17 to June 9. And from June 23 to July. He also ignored me after my birthday from August 4th to 8th. Recently he has ignored my texts 5 times. The last time I talked to Jared was August 13. It took awhile for him to be ignoring me.
Well, sexting is the digital equivalent of telephone sex, except that it doesn't have to occur in real time, so you didn't know he could be using your words and your pictures for masturbation until he told you, which was apparently not until this month(?)
Apparently you've not been using his sexting that way, nor have you ever asked him for sexual pictures of himself, because you don't masturbate under the influence of your text exchanges with him (correct me if I'm wrong). Is your strongest motivation during your sexting sessions that the result should be HE gets turned on, so you say in text and show in pictures and videoclips what you expect will turn him on, whether it turns you on or not? But his response of being turned on DOES turn you on, because it means your sextalk IS HOT? and your pics ARE HOT?: so you are attractive to him WHEN HE IS TURNED ON?
In an earlier question that I answered I mentioned that a student in one of my classes said that a guy couldn't have sex with a girl more than twice in a month without "feelings" starting to arise; and you responded that you and Jared had never had sex more than twice in any one month. But now you're writing that he only gets together with you once every two months for sex. Did you have sex more frequently in the first few months, June-July-August of 2012? If that lasted even as much as two whole months (4 times sex) it would be guaranteed to make you fall in love, especially if he did little or no ignoring of your text messages and perhaps some sexting during that beginning period.
Please describe the pattern in your first (how many?) months of twice-monthly In-Person Meetings, both with and without sex (wasthere ever a meeting without sex?), of texting, of sexting without pics, and of him reading&ignoring your texts. You wrote that he didn't start asking for naked pics until after 3 or 4 months, but did your more frequent in-person sexual meetings last that long? Did he get you to say some of the same things during early in-person sexual encounters that you were later putting into your sexting sessions?
Has Jared ever told you where he works as a waiter? and when? Or does he say that he doesn't want you to come by there because it might reflect badly on him if he talked to you while he was working? Have you ever talked to him about his restaurant work? Does he give you the impression that he works 6 or 7 days a week?
Hey! I responded to this already! and sent it a couple hours ago! This time I'll COPY IT TO A WORD FILE!
Write to Jared all you want. But do it differently this time. Tell him this: "I want to hear from you again. But just tell me when you will have time to text me, even if it's a few days from now. It doesn't work for me to not know when you're going to answer my text messages. So the best thing for me would be for you to just write a sentence like "I'll text you Saturday morning."
He might not be intentionally ignoring you at all, but just not feel like responding, and then forget about it for a while. So tell him you want to know a future day (like Sat) and perhaps a time (Morning) but don't tell him you're anxious when you don't hear, or that you miss him. You'll find out if he Wants to Use Ignoring You as a Weapon to Make you Want More of Him by his response--since even a NON-response will mean that he DOES want to use this as a weapon; but telling you when he'll respond and then doing it will mean he's laying down that weapon, which he didn't even know that he had.
I am concerned about what his possibly manipulative and dominating behavior is doing to your self-esteem, and this request from you might flush him out. If he tells you when he'll respond and then follows thru, you will still have to ask him to do that other times until he gets used to playing by one of your rules, instead of you always playing by his rules and feeling helpless and perhaps "unworthy"or"inferior." These reactions of yours are natural emotional-thought reactions to having your anticipation of enjoyable contact with him blocked. So this way you will find out if he is willing to make a simple "future-contact" promise and keep it or not.
Do you have the courage to write that?
This is precisely the painful trap you have fallen into with him. So texting him to ask him to JUST tell you what day and (approximate time) he'll respond is what will tell you whether he's TRYING to trap you or just being irresponsible or resenting hearing from you when he doesn't want to respond. If he can put you off for say 2-3 days and satisfy your request, then how he responds may show If he IS using this method to control you or not.(Boys can read about this kind of controlling tactics in a book called The Mystery Method (How to get beautiful women into bed), which one of my students gave me when he got sick of it, and I have it somewhere in my garage since we moved last December, and also completely scanned in a PDF file.
PS. YOU know how quickly he reads your texts. So send to him first thing in the morning and tell him you want to know before he goes to work when he's going to have time to respond, and don't tell him you know right away when he's read your texts. You need to have courage to do this: Because if he is following Mystery Method tactics to control you thru your emotions, stiffing you on your birthday and ignoring your texts 5 times in a row is exactly what the book tells "pickup artists" to do--and he may have been punishing you for asking for a personal meeting this month, after you (apparently) declined his invitation to let him screw you all day as your birthday present in July (after implying that he was going to give you a real birthday present).
I think Jared may have discovered the Mystery Method book (or some spin-off tactics like it) a few months into your relationship, and soon realized that they worked better than he imagined to put you under his power. I'm going to attach a pdf of one chapter at least of this book, but if it won't upload to reach you this way, you can give me an email address I can send it to. You can't use the at sign, because the computer system will automatically x out your address, but you can write it out in other ways. If it works this way then that won't be necessary. I see you are too anxious to ask him to declare when he will answer hyour text message, and I take that as a clear sign that his method is working to intimidate you. The socalled "Mystery Method" involved 4 types of symbolic actions that the text says work far better on women than any words or logic, since women (it says) are acting entirely on their feelings whether they are aware of it or not. The first first type of symbolic action the book tells the "pickup artist" or "venusian artist" to manifest towards a woman he wants to "get into bed" is DHV, or Demonstration of High (Mate-) Value: Looking rich, confidents, dominant and highly desired by women. Jared might not have done any of those demonstrations, since he met you in a class and not a bar.
But the other three types of symbolic actions has has definitely been using, and continuously for almost a year alreay: mixing up 2. "Indications of Interest" (IOIs such as sending you a text or offering you a birthday present) with 3. "Indications of Disinterest" (IODs such as ignoring your texts and your birthday & his "present"). Ch 3 of the book advises this about the attraction-generation: "As the venusian artist proceeds with a pickup, he keeps validation and attention just slightly out of the target's reach. Therefore, keep the bait just barely out of her reach and then continually entice her in small increments."
I was called about 10 years ago by a radio producer in Phoenix AZ, who wanted me to be a "love doctor" for a show. He claimed to be a "reformed pickup artist" at 32, and bragged that he had a perfect pickup method. He'd approach a woman in a bar and guess at the bodily feature she'd be most likely to feel insecure about (like her nose or some aspect of her shape, initially not something too sexual like her breasts, but her weight would be fair game. Then he'd issue a compliment on that feature: "Your nose is really striking, elegant, cute (etc.)." He said that would really confuse the woman, because her own "secret" insecurities would tell her to doubt his compliment and suspect that maybe he was really making fun of her. So she would accept the drink he'd buy her and be trying with all her might to get him to give her the reassurances she then needed to feel safe from the ridicule she was fearing. [My reaction to that is HOW CRUEL CAN YOU GET!]
Now the 4th symbolic action the book discusses is called CT, or Compliance Tests. The "venusian artist" asks his "target" to DO SOMETHING FOR HIM, like SEND HIM A NAKED PIC FROM YOUR CELL PHONE, and when you do it YOU become more INVESTED in maintaining the relationship, but HE doesn't! He does not reciprocate with equal gifts or signs of Compliance with your desires, because his goal is not a mutual love, but a position of POWER and CONTROL over you. If J wanted mutual love, he wouldn't prefer maasturbating with the tools of your text messages and more important your naked pics over having mutual sexual pleasure with you. And male orgasm (of the simple kind) is very easy to achieve, while female orgasm takes at least five to ten times as much focused stimulation time and much more emotional comfort, safety and feeling loved, especially for a young woman who may have never had an orgasm before.
There's a more sinister aspect of this particular "Compliance Test" that Jared has used to tighten his grip on you: First, for people that understand the ways of psychic influence, visualizing another person's face or body is a major method for transmitting psychic influence over any distance whatsoever. There are many socalled "primitive" peoples all over the world that will not let strangers take their pictures, because they believe that their souls become accessible to that person's psychic powers. I have personally suffered and exercised this kind of psychic influence, only where love or romantic interest was involved--and it can be exercised for both good and bad purposes. Spiritual people teach that you can protect yourself from unwanted psychic influence by imagining a "cocoon of white light" around yourself that can ward off the intrusions of outside psychic influences. When J masturbates while focusing on your picture, his psychic energy is using your body (and perhaps your being inside your body) for his selfish purposes. And if he were into witchcraft he could imagine less benevolent thoughts and effects and possibly affect you without your awareness (except in dreams you might get symbolic evidence).
Second: He could use your naked pictures to control you through blackmail, or he could use them for profit or prestige, by selling or showing them to other guys.
I think these sinister possibilities are worth considering, because it is possible that his callous mishandling of your birthday has been a crisis event FOR HIM, in which he may have realized that he doesn't want to lead you around by your (calculatedly increased) insecurities anymore. Because your relationship hasn't been growing AT ALL for at least 6-9 months now, and watching you suffer and getting more naked videos isn't satisfying to him anymore. Normal love relationships keep growing towards the culmination of marriage and/or childbirth, and when they stop on a plateau (as they often do when both people are too busy with school and/or work to get any closer to culmination, or one won't allow any growth to happen), it's only a matter of time until one or both partners get bored and want something else. I was trying to get you to realize that in June, but Jared's habitual use of IOIs mixed with IODs has kept you very anxious emotionally and your furnishing of Compliance proofs have kept your investment in maintaining "friendship" very high, so you haven't been able to act on your intelligent observation of his cruel treatment of you.
I think it's possible that with a new semester Jared is now ready to try out his control tactics on another young woman, since he has no intention of taking things any further with you. If you DO WRITE AND ASK HIM TO TELL YOU WHEN HE WILL RESPOND TO YOUR TEXT, and you ask him that on a regular basis, you will find out if he wants the relationship to go any further. But I'm pretty sure it's NOT a relationship in the sense that your wishes and feelings matter to him as anything but a means of controlling you.
Before I attach the chapter that I'll have to use this site's editing function to attach, I will refer you to some You-Tube evidence you should look at. Go to the massive online You-Tubes of the Jodie Arias trial, the girl who confessed to murdering the boyfriend, Travis, who was dating a mormon girl who could not have more than kisses before marriage, so he was sexting and sexing with Jodie for several years, which kept her totally obsessed with him. My wife watched all of the tapes on You Tube, and she says that Travis was using the same tactics to control Jodie. So browse through her testimony in that trial and see what you can find. .
I think you will be safe from Jared blackmailing or misusing your naked pictures, because IF he tries anything and you find out about it, you can send the police to confront him where he works, which could easily cause him to lose his job. And IF he starts the same sexual seduction&intimidation routine with another woman he may be committing a crime, a version of cyberstalking, which the police are very interested in stopping. I have asked you questions over the last few days so that I can protect you. And I may go to the cyberstalking unit of the Atlanta police soon for my wife, who was stalked in her online jewelry store for over 2 years by a crazy and jealous fellow-vendor trying to drive her out of business; and at the same time I will inquire into their attitude about what was done to you. Of course the effect of "Compliance Tests" could also be to show evidence that you were a consenting adult and therefore not a victim of predatory sexual practices.
You may still wonder if Jared was ever intentionally doing something immoral or not, and justifiably so. For it is possible that he didn't realize at first how well his IOIs & IODs & CTs would work to give him intimidating power over you. But POWER CORRUPTS and ABSOLUTE POWER CORRUPTS ABSOLUTELY. And similarly, POWERLESSNESS CORRUPTS ALSO, in that you have become helplessly obsessed with Jared because he's taken control over your physical and personality self-worth: your prettiness and likeableness. I hope that understanding how Jared has maneuvered you into the anxiety-trap you're in will make it easier for you to set yourself free. Take a look at Jodie Arias's testimony.
When was the last time you met and spent 4 hours in person with him? The Mystery Method book says it takes between 4 and 10 hours to get a woman ready to engage in sex, and you wrote that when you get together you always spend around 4 hours together, though you can't spend the night because your parents would get upset if you weren't home at night.. I didn'tknow that your work schedule was tight like his might be That might mean he's less rejecting of actual time together than I thought. But the mixture of Indications of Interest and Indications of Disinterest are still CALCULATED ATTACKS ON YOUR EMOTIONS, and his demands for pictures and other types of sexual turn-ons are COMPLIASNCE TESTS (with the likely "attitude" and disappearance of his text-responses as an implied punishment if you fail to provide the goodies he wants.
I'm tracking your communications enough to notice that every time he DOES respond, you suddenly become confident that he does find you attractive and you ask again if he WILL some day want to have a real relationship:Just think of yourself as a fish with a hook and fishing line in her mouth: when he ignores you, you're swimming every which way and trying to find your own peace of mind and recover your own self-confidence against the doubt that you'll never hear from him again; then he responds to a text, apparently that's usually with some kind words that are a BLATANT INDICATION OF INTEREST, and the hook is firmly settled in your mouth again so you're both pulled and swimming eagerly straight towards his invisible boat.
You wrote that he's turned off the indicator that shows you when he's read your message--so I assume that means now you can doubt whether he's read it or not. But that only means that now you'll continue to suspect that he's ignoring you without any concrete evidence: So he has "plausible deniabilithy" even though cellpone messages are impossible to ignore!
You still have the means in hand to take that weapon away from him, by writing what I told you to write: "Just tell me when you get my message when you'll be able to respond, so I don't worry anymore about your silences." Then you'll find out whether hemore interested in a developing relationship, or prefers a Friends with Benefits that simply fulfills his sexual needs and keeps you under control. That PDF will come now thru the email.
Now you know why he hasn't been pushing the sexting lately. I think you actually broke thru his false "Friends with Benefits" caring-only-enough-to-get-laid when yougot hurt about him not giving you an implied present for your birthday. He still had his "mystyery methods" for keeping you hooked, but without any "new" developments in your relationship it was not thrilling enough for him to keep manipulating you to keep you wanting more--because he finally had to realize that he couldn't maintain his own interest in you if he wouldn't take the relationship any further: he'd reached HIS OWN DEAD END, which had NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU and EVERYTHING TO DO WITH HIS TURNING YOU INTO A CAPTIVE HUNGRY SEX-as-your-love-substitute PARTNER. I don't know how you found him with another woman, but I'm relieved that you did, because what he was doing is a terrible way to treat a woman. I presume he believed his "FWB" relationship allowed him to do do anything he wanted with another woman without ever informing you, which is a Crime of the Heart--and the whole relationship was a crime of the heart, because he knew what you've been feeling.
Tell me what happened, because I want to understand. My Internet was down from late Saturday until late Monday, and then I forgot to send the chapter, so I'll do it now. And if you want any explanations I'll be glad to give them.
I think you should be PROUD of the fact that YOUR emotional desire to be treated specially on your birthday probably forced him to give up his FAKE caring show, because he couldn't admit that he couldn't give you the birthday caring you deserved and still be the cool manipulator (mainly in it for his sexual pleasure) that he wanted to be. His manipulation of you has depressed your courage to the point where you're too frightened to ask him for fairness about texting response. But your naively human desire to be shown respect and caring on your birthday had already forced him out of his monopoly on power to do as he pleased. So he's been running and dodging since then. You WON the challenge of getting a FAIR, CARING relationship or NO relationship, because you wouldn't just forget about your own birthday for him. And NO relationship is A LOT BETTER than the sex-user-manipulation he's been doing to you.
Tell me what you think when you've read the chapter I'm sending.
I'm glad you told me. I guessed it already: He needed to do his control trip on another girl, because it only works FOR HIM for so long before he loses interest himself, because he's not allowing LOVE to occur in himself and insisting on a sex-based friendship. That's a sick form of male-ejaculation-focused relationship; he knows that the new girl feels even worse about her body-image than you did, so he'll have a very easy time getting power over her.
Now the fact that he parked right in front of the candy shop where he should have known that you worked is VERY TROUBLESOME, and that he even saw you and seemed not to notice you: Those are extreme "Indications of Disinterest." I'D BE VERY ON-GUARD IF I WERE YOU, IN CASE HE TRIES A DRAMATIC "OH I'M SOO SORRY I DID YOU WRONG; SHE MEANT NOTHING TO ME; IT'S ONLY YOU!" I don't think he will do that. But it's possible that he was aware that he was going to hurt you and was doing that on purpose, because of a sick grudge he might have against all women that makes him want to use and abuse them. He could still be dangerous to you, because HE HAS A BUNCH OF NAKED PICTURES OF YOU THAT HE COULD SELL OR PUT ON THE INTERNET. I collected the story of what he's done and how he's demanded the pictures from you, so that you'd be able to have him arrested at his workplace if he does anything like that against you that's a criminal offense.
You didn't LOSE, you WON, because YOU SCARED JARED AWAY when he was just trying to keep using you, because you wanted something REAL on the occasion of your birthday, and he couldn't do that. So he hid from you and started picking on another girl seems to be an easy victim. When you wanted something real for your birthday YOU CEASED BEING AN EASY VICTIM. THAT'S HOW YOU WON, YOU GOT RID OF HIM. Your inner spirit guided you right, even though his emotional manipulation kept your emotional self in chains.
There is a normal grieving process for the loss of a love, for which I will send a pdf chapter from my own book, the appendix on Breaking Up and Recovering with Dignity, and I recommend this book on Amazon that could have lots of good ideas beyond what I've offered in 21 pages.
What I'm most concerned about with you (aside from the fact that everyone thinks their first real breakup is the worst thing that's ever happened in their life--until they get through it) is that the form of sadomasochistic poisoning Jared has used on you will set you up for an unconscious expectation of the Snow White FairyTale: Her wicked (real, not step-)mother put her in a coma with an apple that was half sweet and half poisoned, the same thing that Jared has done to you with his "Indications of Interest" mixed with "Indications of Disinterest." So you will be awakened again when a Prince kisses you. But you'd better have your eyes wide open when you're getting acquainted with your prince, so you KNOW WHO HE IS as a real person and you don't accept any FWB bullshitting, even if you have to wait a year for an honest guy with his heart on his sleeve.
You've also acquired a sweet tooth for how sweet it feels when the poison sidfe of his apple suddenly turns back into the sweet side, because intense longing for signs of love and terrible doubts about your own attractiveness and value as a person set you up for huge feelings of excitement and joy when your textkiss comes back and your doubts evaporate again. SO YOU COULD GET USED AGAIN IN THE SAME WAY THAT JARED USED YOU.
And Jared might still be dangerous to you BECAUSE HE OWNS SO MANY PICTURES OF YOU NAKED AND A VIDEO OR TWO. I don't think you should take him on about destroying those pictures, because he'll just get more evil. But IF you see any indications anywhere that he's using pics of you in any way, then you need to be willing to send the police to arrest him by showing up at the place he words, because that could easily cost him his job--and it's even possible that he has used his waiter-job to lure a customer or two into his sex-trap! You need to realize that your suffering from a love/sex trap is not about YOU, it's an amateur predatory male who you couldn't see thru mentally and couldn't challenge emotionally--but your heart yearning for respect&love on your birthday finally set you free by scaring him off. You now know that he's sucked in at least one other young woman, and that it's likely that he's using her weak body-image to put her in captivity and degrade her sexuality and her soul. I wish you had the courage to find that other woman and ask her where she met Jared, and then, if it's safe, to tell her what he's done to you. I wish you had the courage to tell your parents what happened, so you would have someone with the courage to do some detective work on Jared, because he may have done this more than twice; and the degrading methods he uses qualify him as a sex-con-man that women and restaurants in your town need to be protected from. I know you can't do the detective work yourself, because you can't afford any more obsession with Jared. If you watch Jodi Arias's testimony on You Tube, you'll see what this kind of male manipulation can lead to: XXXXX XXXXX him 27 times and shot him, and knew she would get caught, but expected that what he had done to her was so awful that she'd be declared innocent of murder.
I call it a break up because you loved him, and you are normal in that way but he is not. I do not think he will contact you again, because the little bit of love that he was able to feel for you when he was excited about your sexual relationship reached a deadend when he couldn't respond to your birthday as he knew you wanted--so now he will ride the next sexually kidnapped woman until his thrills with her evaporate too. But he will not want you back unless he finds himself caught by being dumped by a woman who figured him out and hated his powertripping her before he was ready to move on, and then only for a few weeks until he's able to trap another unsuspecting & therefore naive & willing girl. You see, HE DOES HAVE A LITTLE BIT OF CONSCIENCE, so he does not want to be with a woman that he has already harmed as he has harmed you, since he needs to keep his little bit of conscience hidden from himself most of the time, so he can get away with his guilty pleasures.
DO YOU SEE HOW THOROUGHLY YOUR MIND AND HEART ARE CAUGHT IN THE CRUEL TRAP HE PLAYED YOU INTO? 1. You have written that you DOo't want him to contact you (because you're afraid you'll rush headfirst after him into the same sex-trap you've been in for a year already). and 2. You DO want him to contact you, so you can TEMPORARILY relieve your now self-worth-crushing belief that you now mean NOTHING MORE TO HIM, and your heart is still hooked on his fishing line, and you can't imagine how you'll ever let go. You are in the same trap as people who have been in a religious cult and are then banished because they have resisted the charismatic cult-leader's commands--and those people have to go to psychological counseling to get "religiously deprogrammed." In fact I RECOMMEND THAT YOU SEEK COUNSELING LOCALLY AND REPORT EVERYTHING YOU"VE EXPERIENCED AND HAND OVER THE TRANSCRIPT OF WHAT WE've exchanged since your first inquiry with Dr. Mark in May.
You need that deprogramming in person, because I can't devote enougth time without much more payment than you're able to offer in this site--since they take half of what you put up each time. Working directly by Skype might work better, but face-to-face in your home town is by far the best, XXXXX XXXXX YOU'RE POSSIBLY NOT THE FIRST GIRL HE'S DONE THIS TO, AND YOU ALREADY KNOW YOU'RE NOT THE LAST. (A guy doesn't just suddenly start using sexting instead of having a personal relationship at 27, and FWB has been around for at least 10-15 years, and as "casual sex" it's been widespread around college campuses since the 1960s at least.
What do you think your MOTHER would do if she knew what you have been through with Jared? Are you so afraid of how she would condemn you for having sex with him without a loving relationship that you'll continue to deny yourself the inhome support for doing what you'll need to do to get free of his emotional stranglehold?
I really can't believe you're asking me to repeat my previous answers to your questions "does he think I'm pretty enough?" and "does he like me as a friend?" along with "will he contact me again?" If your questions are different than those, repeat them and I will answer them
Thats great my Skype is XXXXXXXXXXXX and thank you