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Dr. Paige
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1427
Experience:  Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
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Dont know if ill get an answer, but here we go. Im

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Don't know if i'll get an answer, but here we go. I'm in a toxic relationship with a girl that is 4 years older than I. I met her 3 months before she got married and am completely and hopelessly in love with her. She says she loves me it returns just as much (most of the time i believer her). Any how, she got married and now I'm still seeing her while she is married. What are your thoughts?
You are right in that this is a toxic relationship. Eventually this will backfire on you. If you met her before she got married ans she still got married, then you do not mean as much to her as she states. If you are seeing her while she is married, you are causing just as much pain in her marriage as she is. There will be no good result to this situation. Her husband will eventually find out, or even if the minute chance that she leaves him for you happens, there will always be a shadow of mistrust because of how this relationship began. You and she are both consenting adults and you may do as you please if it makes both of you happy. I am telling you from my experience in these situations that they never end in a positive way for one or all 3 parties involved. I know this probably is not the answer you wanted or needed, but I'm just giving you some information based on past experience with people in similar situations. It may seem wonderful and good right now, but things will deteriorate eventually.
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

Tried to add this... but when i went to submit... you had already answered


 


She's got an amazing outlook. She has a beautiful personality and on top of all that she is drop dead gorgeous. All that, among many other reasons is why I've fallen for her. The problem is I met her when she was engaged and after she's had the chance to get to know me... she still married the guy (the guys is 12 years older and has heaps of money). She tells me the reason she married him is because she had to get over her mentality of being with him (7 year relationship). She says its a neutral relationship with him and she never has sex with him and that she fully plans on leaving him for me. So here I am hopelessly waiting.


 


The reason for the question is this..... I now, I should run as fast as I can. My friends say so and the back of my mind says so... but I'm just so in love with her and captivated by her that I'm still waiting (3 months past her marriage). So what should I do? How do you think I should proceed?


 


 


I'm a personal trainer and she's a nutritionist. I have my act together (I'm 22) and know exactly where I'm going in life (joined the USMC at 17). I'm no novice to the "courtship" game. I don't mean to sound vain but I am attractive (easily able to become a model), not just that but I have the lifestyle and personality to go along with it and can easily score a high quality woman (sex is simply not an issue). So please understand that I've fallen for her, for all the justifiable reasons.

I do understand that and I hope you are right and she does leave him for you, however I have seen this before and she will have a difficult time doing this and I fear she will leave you hanging on for a longer time that you would like to. The ultimate answer here is do you want to wait and if so, for how long? Do you have a time table in your head for how long is too long? If so, you need to share this with her as well. If this guy has heaps of money and she is wanting this in her life, it may be hard to let go, even if you are the right person. You need to be careful with her. As I said previously, even if she does end up leaving him for you, she got into your relationship while engaged to another person. Can you trust her? A lot of times people are habitual and a pattern can start. She may leave him for you but how long will she be with you until another comes along? Keep in mind, I'm not saying that is what WILL happen, there is no way to say for sure what will happen. She could very well leave him and the both of you have a wonderful life together, I'm just offering a bit of caution here. Look out for yourself. Set that time table. Wait for her if she is worth it, but don't let her string you along.
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