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Kate McCoy
Kate McCoy, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5509
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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Some times I dont always trust my reactions to situations. My

Resolved Question:

Some times I don't always trust my reactions to situations.


My mother's client introduced me to this man that she thought would be a good possible mate for me. We were all together when I was introduced. He just shook my hand and then looked away in discomfort. I thought he looked an acted like a goon/detached awkward creep.


The lady later sent him my phone number. No call.


I brought my daughter with me two weeks later to the kids musuem that he invested in and works and went right up to him. He was cool and detached once again and blew us off with no interest. I was shocked because I thought I would get some warmth or better opportunity to connect.

I felt so sad about not being about to connect with him because after my recent divorce I really wanted a friend or mate to distract with and do stuff with and get to know on any level.

I just ran into him 3 months later and I approached him as we were both walking out of the same building. He remembered my name and we started talking about his weight loss regime and I was fascinated and we spoke for about 10 minutes. He offered his phone and email if I had any further questions. I asked him if he ever received my phone number from that other lady and he said yes but would not have know what to say. He is a very socially awkward guy. I then said I heard how sweet he was and that I need to associate with good nice people. Somehow it came up that I offered to call him next week after asking him when the best time to call him would be.He showed no sparks or excitement. He then said he was a recluse and loner. I asked why and he said he is shy and likes it that way. Later he said he had to go to an appointment and I said I would call.


One hour later he texted me asking for me email to send some helpful links about his eating plan. I responded by telling him how sweet that was.


The next day I emailed some questions about diet and he would respond back in great length but only on the topic of diet. This went back and forth for a few days.


Then he sends me a photo of him explaining he used to be very overweight and how he is now 60 pounds slimmer. I open the photo and it is with him on a beach with 8 girls in bikinis very provacatively posed leaning all around him. I wrote him back and said I thought you were shy and what is the photo all about.


He writes back saying I am shy I am the shy pimp and these are his highest earning prostitutes that he was rewarding with a beach trip.


This through me of and I responded with: Why did you send me that particular photo?


He said that it was a funny because he is the opposite of that and is really shy but the girls were on the beach playing and asked him to take a photo with them He say maybe it was inappropriate but the point was to inspire me to lose the weight.


I wrote back:


Glad to know that.


The photo was so distracting that I lost focus of the inspiration you were attempting to share with me and was more focused on how bold it was. I am modest so I was not prepared for it.


I actually thought you looked good there but not nearly as healthy as now.


Any other tricks up your sleeve like that?


I will forgive you, this time......


Today, I ate a lot of the right foods at Mongolian BBQ, where they cook your things on the big iron stovetop. I think I ate too much and need to shave the portions down. I just don't feel as lite in the belly as yesterday. It's those mixed foods that play tricks on me.


You are fortunate that you had your brother work this with you.


This guy never responded to me again.


I know it is time to move on but what happened here? This was very awkward and uncomfortable for me. Did I do something wrong?


Please share your thoughts.........
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Kate McCoy replied 1 year ago.
Hello, I'd like to help you with your question.

It sounds like this guy has some possible issues with social interaction. He seemed to miss your cue several times suggesting he contact you through phone or email, he also did not contact you when others recommended it and he treated you drastically different each time he saw you face to face. Then he becomes approachable only to then send you an inappropriate photo when things were going well between you both. If he was trying to connect to you on a deeper level, a photo of him with girls in bikinis was not the way to do it.

From what you described, it sounds like you did all the right things in trying to connect with this guy but he was not able to understand it for some reason. Based on what you said, my thoughts would be that he either is a recluse and truly never learned how to interact socially, he was abused as a child and it has caused him to be socially awkward or he as a disorder such as Asperger's where he cannot understand social interaction. But any way you look at it, this was about him and not anything you did.

I hope that helped you,
Kate
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

That is what I wanted to know from you.


 


Was that kind of a photo inappropriate or a just fun humor that I am too intense about.


 


What did you think about his shy pimp statements.


 


Was my final response to shaming and critical?


 


I was bummed that he never responded to my last email.

Expert:  Kate McCoy replied 1 year ago.
The photo he sent was inappropriate, especially for that early in your relationship. Maybe if you got to know each other better but not now.

The shy pimp statement doesn't make much sense. It is not clear what he meant but it did not sound appropriate either.

No your response to him was fine. He was being inappropriate and letting that go would have told him that you were ok with it. He needed to know that was not ok.

What you said was perfectly fine. He may not have been able to sustain any type of relationship based on his issues.

Kate
Kate McCoy, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5509
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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