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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7662
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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I married a man with a lot of financial baggage that he withheld

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I married a man with a lot of financial baggage that he withheld from me until two years into the marriage. After I found out (by discovering paperwork and confronting him) I immediately tried to address it via various avenues (bankruptcy, IVA). The first two years were very stressful as this was weighing on him but I had no idea so the stress surfaced in odd ways such as unnecessary arguments, issues where he borrowed the last of my savings, me blindly trusting him and giving him 3/4 of my salary each month to cover these unknown bills. We also did not have food in the house unless I bought it, never went out to dinner or traveled anywhere. This was odd as he used to travel all the time just prior to meeting me. So the entire marriage of 8 years has been very difficult for me as the dealings with creditors has all fallen on my shoulders, I also managed to sell his house in the midst of an economic plummet which thankfully paid off his huge second mortgage. A lot or the majority of this debt came from a former relationship of his with a woman who expected him to fund a lavish lifestyle he could not afford so he relied on credit again and again. So I picked up and moved to another country and gave up my entire life (sold my house, gave pets away, sold the majority of my things, my car, my job, etc) to come and hoped to experience european travel and explore the art and history it offered. In 8 years I have been away for 8 days of travel to the same spot. Four of the days were my honeymoon which was all - 4 days for a honeymoon. Then two years in I made it a priority for my husband to move to the country where his elderly parents lived so we could be nearer to them. We moved several times to be as close as possible depending on how close the job he had allowed at the time. The parents have both since died. I am now trying to fund returning to my native country and have asked a sibling for help in buying us a very modest home. This sibling can afford this but it is awkward to ask. However it is just another example of me trying to get some stability and semblance of the life I had before. My husband has not helped with any of this, not even filling out or researching the immigration paperwork for himself, not searching for homes, getting relocation quotes etc. I have done it all just as I did when I left my native country, I paid for my entire move which was very costly and took care of all my own immigration issues. It was a very complicated and challenging feat and all the while I was also selling my home, having an estate sale, etc. He did not come over once to help me and was actually on holiday in another country while that was all going on. When he gets angry he is cruel and belittling. We have had many many fights. I feel like I have reached my maximum pressure level and confronted him saying he must assist in this process. He cannot make me handle everything including the mess he dropped in my lap after marriage. The marriage has been a constant stream of problems and my attempts to solve them and clean up. Am I right to be at my threshold? Is there any advice? Is this normal at all in any relationship to be faced with some unnecessary challenges that he and his ex did not face themselves?
Submitted: 12 months ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 12 months ago.
Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Dear friend,

You have certainly let this morass keep growing for years now and have not dealt with it.

The man is probably a narcissist, meaning everything is about him, he is a manipulative con artist, a liar, and gains needed pleasure (narcissistic supply) by controlling you.

What is more is that he has no empathy at all for your plight and misery and suffering. You are the perfect victim for him, and I would not be surprised if he blames you for some of his own misery.

I recommend divorcing this man as quickly as possible and with the least financial loss to you.

I recommend the following book which will guide you towards doing this succcessfully:

Product Details

Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder by Randy Kreger



I strongly urge you to get the book and learn how to leave him and cut your losses.

I wish you great success.

Warm regards,

Elliott, MAE, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7662
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
Elliott, LPCC, NCC and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 12 months ago.

My mother is a narcissist so did that leave me ripe for marrying someone like this?

Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 12 months ago.
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