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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7663
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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My boyfriend and i have stared dating, and everything seems

Customer Question

My boyfriend and i have stared dating, and everything seems to be going very well. But recently it seems like we've come to a bump in our relationship, because of my father. My father doesn't think he's pushing my boyfriend away from me mainly with his jealously. Before my boyfriend and i started dating my father and i had a curtain fall out, & my boyfriend has come to think that my father is over-protective towards me, & he thinks that i've been spending alot of my time him my boyfriend, now it has become stressful towards my boyfriend, because he feels as if now every time my boyfriend and i hangout, my father will be spying on us... I've spoke to my father, but how I'm actually very happy with my currant my boyfriend, we had a deep conversation and it came down to the conclusion that my father actually doesn't have anything against my boyfriend... On the other hand my boyfriend feel's other wise, I've tried talking to him and telling him that my father has nothing against him. However, now my boyfriend is second guessing our entire relationship, he's thinking that he's in a childish relationship. Basically because with his last relationship he had alot of trouble getting along with his ex girlfriends' parents, because they didn't have trust in their own daughter. Now, he actually believes that my father mainly is going to act like that towards him. How can i genially tell my boyfriend that my father has nothing against him, as well as telling him this is very much a "REAL" loving relationship and it isn't going to becoming anything close too or even identical like his pass relationship.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 1 year ago.
Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Dear friend,

I believe that I can help.

I understand how frustrating this is for you. Your boyfriend is repeating a previous pattern he had with the parents of his last girlfriend. He has issues, possibly of self-esteem, and is trying to put the blame on your father and you.

If this is a childish relationship, then it seems that he is the one who is either childish, or he is having overly paranoid reactions to older people with authority, such as your father or the parents of his previous girlfriend.

You have already reassured your boyfriend that your father has nothing against him and he should stop worrying.

It is quite possible that your boyfriend is afraid of serious relationships and he unconsciously uses this thought so that he has an excuse not to make a commitment to you (or anyone).

Telling him that it is not an issue and that he needs to drop it. If he thinks there is a problem with your father he should address his concerns in a very friendly manner with your father, man-to-man.

Beyond that, there is little you can do other than to reassure him, which you did.

If he is unconsciously using this as an excuse not to let the relationship with you develop and become more serious, then there is little else you can do about it.

He may want to break up with you and this is the best way he can find to do it.

He may not be mature enough for a real relationship. If he wants you then he will find a way to deal with it and make this relationship work.

For your part, you are already doing your best. It is really up to him to act more confident and manly.

I wish you great success and shall keep you in my prayers.

Warm regards,

Elliott, MAE, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7663
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
Elliott, LPCC, NCC and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 1 year ago.
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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Counselor
7663 Satisfied Customers
35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.