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Dr. Bonnie
Dr. Bonnie, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  Experienced in counseling all age persons on relationship issues.
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My friend in her emails to me does not capitalize some words,

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My friend in her emails to me does not capitalize some words, spaces wrong in sentences, and leaves out a word. I asked about this and was told it is normal as people are busy. I have another friend who has emails that are all correct. How to ask my friend, what to say, to find out why so many errors? And what do I need to know about it? It bothers me and I don't want to bother her. Thanks.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Bonnie replied 1 year ago.
Hello and thank you for being a frequent JA customer,
I have had the same experience as you....smart people who write emails with grammatical errors. This sloppy way of writing seems to be more and more acceptable in emails...or at least more and more people are doing it.

You may have to assume that she does this because it is faster and she wants to be fast for some reason. Then, try to understand why being fast is more important to her than good grammar. She may be "put-off" if you ask her about it but if you do...say something like..Why do you want to be so fast at the expense of good grammar?

I hope this helps
Dr. Bonnie, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2183
Experience: Experienced in counseling all age persons on relationship issues.
Dr. Bonnie and 3 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Is that a sign she does not mind if we are not friends?
Should I just ask her if that is the case? Seems like one of the sentences would have been much longer if correct, but I am not sure if all of them are that way.

Expert:  Dr. Bonnie replied 1 year ago.
If this person is always in a hurry, it may mean this is just her personality. It may be nothing personal about her feelings towards you. You should see if she initiates emails. Thsi would be a sign that she interested in connecting with you....even if in her hurried way.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

I think I should know, and if I don't it's me, but what do you say? Here are some examples: "Mt ranier", Taking Anais (girl's name) to dr, Anais Hirt

her foot badly; we will make zucchini bread, our gardner brought us a giant zucchini; things like that. She says our girls' and zucchini which is very correct, then the other things...before that the emails were very long.

To go along with this, perhaps she does not have time for a comfortable relationship, the way she does it, always very busy. I asked her and she said we would always be friends, and can you have something happen where someone expresses preference for others over you in actions with people, so they know that, and ever go back and be friends again, or is the relationship lost by that point? Also are there not things about you they did not like or they would not do that so there is no hope anyway? I'm asking because I did not have too many problems with earlier friendships, lots of people around, when older I did have two people who were not too close to me but not honest to gain favor with someone else so I never was friends with them. One found a way to ask me to get her to pick me up for something she was not originally invited to then did not pick me up, and another told me to get lunch then complained to someone that I was having lunch instead of helping her when she needed it. Bad right? Sorry for the spacing and things in this message. Shouldn't she feel free to let me know if too many emails or not enough time? Or can't people plan that? What to do? I think your first answer was complete for this, was it? How much a disadvantage am I at, can you tell from my question(s)? Serious? If I have to ask these things is it not a friendship or a good one?

Expert:  Dr. Bonnie replied 1 year ago.
Hi again,
If her emails are short because she is rushed, she should be able to tell you by saying "Not much time...need to get Anais to the doctor" but she may have assumed that you would be able to "read between the lines". Maybe she did not want to hurt your feelings by ignoring your email or answering much later. You needing to ask these questions may mean that you have trouble "reading between the lines" and have nothing to do with the quality of the relationship.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

So what do you mean by reading between the lines?

Expert:  Dr. Bonnie replied 1 year ago.
"Reading between the lines" is when we infer what a person is not saying. She said "child is sick and must take her to doctor". We infer that since this must be a stressful event for her and she does not have time to write a long email.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

You are not worried about the typos? If something wrong happened in a friendship are they always gone and it usually is not gotten over? And

right, would she have said "had to take Anais to doctor" or something else? What if the long emails were seemingly too long? From my writing does it seem I missed out on a lot of skills for a normal relationship, or is it normal as you imply in your answer? (You can tell about a person from their writing, how they are with things).

Expert:  Dr. Bonnie replied 1 year ago.
I only know this.....you are very worried about making a mistake in a relationship and you are having trouble knowing what another persons behavior means. So you often jump to conclusions that may or may not be true and you come to JA for advice. My advice would be....do not look for evidence that another person is not a good friend or does not want your friendship...but rather look for the evidence that they ARE a good friend. They contact you, they are respectful and helpful, they don't mind if you write long emails, they accept you the way you are even if you do make a mistake. If a person is these thing, then they are a good friend and want you for a friend,

I hope this helps....It is late here in Wisconsin and I am going to sign off now.
Good night
Dr. Bonnie, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2183
Experience: Experienced in counseling all age persons on relationship issues.
Dr. Bonnie and 3 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

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Dr. Bonnie
Dr. Bonnie
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Experienced in counseling all age persons on relationship issues.