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Dr. Mark
Dr. Mark, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5027
Experience:  Dr. Mark is a PhD in psychology helping with relationships
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I have an issue that I still get angry about from time to time.

Customer Question

I have an issue that I still get angry about from time to time. It causes me anxiety too.

I get upset if someone tells me they're "better" than me. It's only been a few people in my life who have told me that, but the stuff they say goes something like:

"I'm more ambitious than you", "You're not my equal". Or they brag about the way they have lived their lives. If you talk about something you're happy about, they might point out the things in your life you didn't do or didn't succeed in. If you disagree with them, they might say you're wrong and and argue with you until doomsday how their way of living is better.

How do someone think or deal with such a situation. It's just annoying to me and makes me angry sometimes.
Submitted: 8 months ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Mark replied 8 months ago.

Hi! It's nice to hear from you again.

First, I need to say that everyone gets upset when someone says things like, "I'm more ambitious than you", "You're not my equal". No one likes to have themselves compared to someone else in an unfavorable way. And especially when that someone else we're being compared to is that person who's talking! That's very rude, don't you agree?

And this is actually the key to my answer to you that you need to consider and think about. You're focusing on your feeling of anger and disappointment as if the problem is yours. But the problem is not in you, it's in that person who is either egocentric, rude, or has some other problem.

My point is that we all react negatively to such a statement. But we don't then turn on ourselves for being negative. We recognize that we are justified in being displeased by this person's statement as we didn't ask for a judgment of us to be made. We recognize, then, that the problem is in that person, not in us.

And that's how we handle this. We say to ourselves, "Wow, he's/she's certainly full of himself/herself. I certainly want to be more careful around them."

We always gather information about people that let's us know if we want a relationship to move closer or stay where it is or become less close. This type of information let's us know that we want to be less close with that person, or at best, XXXXX XXXXX stay where it is. The key, again, though is that we don't make it our problem. We accept that the bad behavior was that person's and it's his or her problem.

Okay, I wish you the very best!

My goal is for you to feel like you've gotten Great Service from me and the site. If we need to continue the discussion for that to happen, then please feel free to reply and we'll continue working on this. If the answer has given you the help you need, please remember to give a rating of 5 (Great Service) or 4 (Informative and helpful), or even 3 (Got the job done) button. This will make sure that I am credited for the answer and you are not charged anything more than the deposit you already made by pressing any of these buttons. Bonuses are always appreciated! If I can be of further help with any issue now or in the future, just put "For Dr. Mark" in the front of your new question, and I'll be the one to answer it. All the best, XXXXX XXXXX

Dr. Mark, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5027
Experience: Dr. Mark is a PhD in psychology helping with relationships
Dr. Mark and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Dr. Mark replied 7 months ago.
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