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Kate McCoy
Kate McCoy, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5470
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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You are a master manipulator You kiss ass to your son, but

Resolved Question:

You are a master manipulator
You kiss ass to your son, but you treat me like shit.
Your quiet and clueless now, but as soon as the kids leave, you will act up again.
Get off my back, go f... yourself.
I feel powerless, and left the house. I wa ted my son to hear these things, am I wrong? Hopefully u wont be hard on me. Later I told my son that he is not a cause or related to our fight in any way.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Kate McCoy replied 1 year ago.
It sounds like what your husband was doing to you triggered a lot of your feelings about his abuse towards you. It is extremely frustrating to deal with someone who is abusive and manipulates like your husband does. It is a bit like trying to cope with a very young child you cannot control who just does things to spite you at every turn. So it is understandable that you were upset with him and needed to express what you felt.

It may have been hard for your son to hear because he probably does not understand the very adult situation going on between you and your husband. So while he may get the gist of the marriage issues, he might not understand the subtle manipulation that your husband exposes you to. So your son my see your outburst without knowing that your husband caused you to feel upset with his behavior.

You may want to talk to your son again and let him know that you are sorry that he had to hear what you said. Try to be as supportive as you can and tell him again what you already told him (which was great!). The best thing to do is to try to keep his exposure as minimal as possible.

Kate
Kate McCoy, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5470
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
Kate McCoy and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

That's partly why I said it the way I did so he understands their is underlying manipulation. He has everyone bamboozled.


I look like the bad one with the problem


I look bad if I open my mouth andI look bad if I dont.


He is twenty years old and I think he knows more than I give credit for, but its even a more powerless feeli g whe he does this in fro t of kids.


I dont have good way to respond as at times, getting angry is y best defense to gain an ounce of power while I live in this pressurecooker.

Expert:  Kate McCoy replied 1 year ago.
When it comes to dealing with someone who is an abuser and manipulative (personality disorder) the best option is always to leave the relationship. But if that is not possible, living as separate a life as you can is the next best option. That means emotionally as well as physically. How you make that work depends on your situation, but slowly pulling back in any way possible helps. Your own bank accounts, credit cards, schedules, etc. However you can make it happen, it can really help. That can also help your son see that the issue is more about his father than about you. And it helps you feel less manipulated and more able to develop a relationship with your son on your own, without your husband's issues as a part of it.

Kate
Kate McCoy, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5470
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
Kate McCoy and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Okay Kate. I do have my moments though. I am doing that and will try my best to continue. Ive already made much rogress this year.


Thanks very much

Expert:  Kate McCoy replied 1 year ago.
You're welcome! It's a hard place to be in, I know. Try your best to take care of yourself most of all.

Kate
Kate McCoy, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5470
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
Kate McCoy and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

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