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Kate McCoy
Kate McCoy, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5469
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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Thank you very much. I told him abuse in any form is never

Resolved Question:

Thank you very much. I told him abuse in any form is never okay, and I don't want him to be necessarily involved in our marital issues. He said okay. Doesn't is sound more like minimization than inability to see it? I told him that he had way too much therapy to be manipulative ( hoping im right, but realize I shouldn't have done that comparison with Dad )
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Kate McCoy replied 1 year ago.
You're welcome!

It could be that he is minimizing, but without being able to talk to him directly it is hard to tell. Most kids, however, cannot deal with seeing abuse between their parents so they use some type of defense to cope with it. Minimizing or denying are the two of the most common ways kids cope with domestic abuse.

It is good to keep him out of the issues between you and your husband. If he does witness something, it is ok to let him inquire about it or talk to you in general about his feelings. And the more objective you can be with him and the more you can focus on his feelings, the better.

Kate
Kate McCoy, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5469
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
Kate McCoy and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

I have not see him ever tolerste my husbands abuse as he usually avoids him.And in no way have I ever seen him manipulative toward me or anyone else. in fact, he has good boundries. Does this mean I should relax about his own character?

 

AND can I ask another question under seperate cover, not involved one. Sorry about the typos, my computer is tough to type on.

Expert:  Kate McCoy replied 1 year ago.
No it does not sound like your son is manipulative. It sounds more like he is trying to cope through his defenses. In other words, he is either minimizing or he is denying that your husband is abusive which is not manipulative at all. His response is normal for a kid that has seen abuse from a parent. But he does need to know that abuse in general is wrong. A lot of kids learn that because their parent abuses, then it is acceptable behavior. Teaching him that abuse is serious and unacceptable helps him.

You can ask a separate question, no problem :)

Kate
Kate McCoy, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5469
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
Kate McCoy and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

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