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Dr. Bonnie
Dr. Bonnie, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2170
Experience:  Experienced in counseling all age persons on relationship issues.
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Hi Dr, Ive been broken up with my ex boyfriend for about

Customer Question

Hi Dr,
I've been broken up with my ex boyfriend for about 10 months now and I thought I was getting better but now months later, I am feeling extremely sad and it's always on my mind!
I feel guilty and now looking back I can see that maybe my jealously was out of hand and I should of been more understanding.
I didn't have much trust in that relationship and I became worried, resentful and anxious on a daily basis.
He used to keep in touch with his ex girlfriend once in a while and I used to say I didn't like it and felt uncomfortable but he said that they were just friends and ended on good terms.
He used to ask me if he could go to a friends party (his ex would be there to as they have some mutual friends from college). He also once asked if he could go for drinks with his ex and her boyfriend. Why would this be?
As well there was a time when we wasn't getting along fine, that I caught him texting another woman inappropriately behind my back.
These types of things ate away at the relationship to a point where something had to happen.
He treated me well and was good to me/seemed loyal and did what he said he would.
PS. I know that he cheated on his ex girlfriend before me and that he used to talk inappropriately to women on the computer.
Submitted: 11 months ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Bonnie replied 11 months ago.
Hello and thank you for asking for me and I am sorry it has taken so long for an answer,

From what you shared so far, it does not sound like your jealousy was out of hand. It is perfectly reasonable to expect a boyfriend to cut off all communication with an ex. If he was unable to understand this and respect your request, all the more reason to feel mistrust. Then, inappropriate texting further decreased your trust. Knowing that he cheated on past girlfriend means you would always wonder if he would cheat on you. You are better off without him and you deserve to move on to a new relationship without this "baggage". Forgive yourself and see him for what he is....he is unable to commit.

I hope this reframing of your thoughts will help you to move on.....
Warm regards
Customer: replied 11 months ago.

Hi,


 


He used to say that they were just friends.


I found out that he had brought his ex a little present back from holiday (we had gone on holiday together) Do you think that was disrespectful of him to that?

Expert:  Dr. Bonnie replied 11 months ago.
Hi Katie,
I guess it depends on if you made it clear to him that you were unhappy with this continuing relationship. If you did make it clear, then, this was disrespectful. Even being just friends is not okay if you were uncomfortable with it.

Warm regards
Dr. Bonnie, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2170
Experience: Experienced in counseling all age persons on relationship issues.
Dr. Bonnie and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 11 months ago.

I knew from the first day that I don't tolerate cheating even though he didn't physically cheat.


He brought the present for her while we were on holiday together and we wasn't getting along. This was before I mentioned about being uncomfortable with his ex.

Expert:  Dr. Bonnie replied 11 months ago.
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