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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7662
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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I am 69; my attractive wife is 51. We have been going together

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I am 69; my attractive wife is 51. We have been going together for 30 years. We married after my former wife died 5 years ago. I have thrown everything I know into pleasing her but we have always recognized that we are not really compatible. I feel deep love for her and she says she loves me but there are "issues". I suspected for some time but confirmed this month that she has been seeing a man younge than herself for almost one year. I am still sexually ok and well liked. She says sex is not the cause but she is having fun and wants to enjoy the rest of her life. I feel used and dumped. Her bf does not yet know that I know. I am acting to get contact info and his bame to confront him. I expect him to withdraw. How should I hsndle this?
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 1 year ago.
Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective

Dear friend,

I believe that I can help.

I know how devastating this must be for you and I empathise with your pain.

You are deeply in love with her and she says that she loves you BUT .......

Your love is unconditional but hers is not. She has now taken another lover and has been with him for a year. Of course you feel used and dumpted because she has done you this way.

However, she says that she likes things the way they are.

You may cause her trouble and you may threaten her or her boyfriend, but that may not deter him. In fact it might anger her so much that she will further distance herself from you.

You may not be able to fix this and she may just realise what she has lost and come back to you of her own accord.

This is so frustrating for you because it has already occurred and you may not be able to retrieve her.

If you think that confronting him will help then it is worth a try. I know you don't want to be humiliated in front of friends and family, but she has put you in this situation and unless she returns, you will have to suffer.

Give it a try and see what happens. You have nothing to lose.

I shall keep you in my prayers,

Warm regards,

Elliott, MAE, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

ELLIOTT:


I did not plan to "threaten" boyfriend, but she says she has not told him that I know.


The point is that I have taken steps to get his contact information, as I don't know his name or phone number but the complex in which he lives.


I told her that most men (except 'bad' men) will tend to back off when they are exposed as we don't like to be looking over our shoulders for the unknown.


She said he was not the one primarily responsible for the relationship as she wanted it. She is protecting him of course. However, I told her that it is only fair that he knows what he is in, so we ALL know where we stand and if she won't tell him I will.


She realizes that it will be a MESS with all of our circumstances (social level, etc) considered - her siblings and our colleagues and friends. We have a 20 year old girl one year in university and a mortgaged house with challenging mortgage. She says we can sell it and share but she wants to go enjoy life badly


Still not absolutely sure what she will do when she considers it some more. It has been just a few days and it I want sex I still get it.

Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 1 year ago.
Dear Alex,

Thanks for clarifying your situation.

This leverage may actually work if she is concerned about her social standing and her relationship with your daughter.

You can find out who he is and where he lives and there are professionals who can help you at a reasonable price.

If you are backed into a corner you have little choice then to stand up for yourself and fight back, tooth and nail.

I wish you great success and pray for your reunification.

Warm regards,

Elliott
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7662
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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