I mean that maybe he was not as sick as I thought since he let me go
he didn't chase me as insistently as before
you said something interesting
that maybe he didn't want to keep fighting to keep me in his life
I had tried to break the relationship several times and he said that he was not going to tolerate my breakups anymore
that if I was to ask him to leave, that I had to be sure that I wanted a separation because it could potentially be permanent
is that what you meant?
or did you mean it was difficult for him to keep secrets once he had no job
from your response, I am getting that he never considered me more than an affair
I think he wanted to be sure he could count on me being there when he left his wife
and I felt he was trying to tell me that he was doubting that I was not going to leave him hanging
I mean, he was not sure I was going to be there
the truth is that I never understood his marital situation
it seemed finished, but then there were weird things
I think that depends on what is going on at home and at work. If he gets a job, he will be busy and might not have the time to look for you. He might also find another woman to chase. If he and his wife are doing better together and he doesn't get bored by her or by being with one woman, then he probably won't come looking for you. So..it's a matter of how his life is. I don't think you should necessarily be looking over your shoulder for him. At this point, he is gone and has been gone for quite some time.
I do think he had "feelings" for you and that he loved you in the way that he understands that emotion. I do think you were important to him...you provided him affection, sexual satisfaction, companionship, excitement, fun...and a host of other things. But there was a quality of dishonesty to all of this because he was not free to be in a true, committed and lasting relationship with you because of his marital status.
I do think one of the reasons he could come looking for you is that he does not find in his wife the same things he received from you. He knew you cared about him...even loved him...and that may not be what he gets from his wife...or that he offers her.
You must remember that you were not the first affair he had..and so likely you would not be the last.
I have been thinking and I have decided to let go
I don't know why after 4 months I am thinking of this guy again
I thought it was because he didn't act like I expected but I think it's just because I am lonely
and in this moments is exactly when I am vulnerable to compromise and accept less than what I really want
although, it was important for me to know that you think he had feelings for me, even if he has everything a little twisted
by that I mean, even if he doesn't understand emotions the same way I do
I never felt completely safe with him and I never completely trusted him
like you said once, he was the last person I was involved with, and maybe that is why I still wonder about him
some things were also unresolved... like our break up
i felt a little guilty because he accused me of being inconsiderate with him when I said that if it was so difficult for him than he shouldn't help me change my car
Give me a minute to read your posting...
Loneliness leads us to do things that we would otherwise say NO to or have the strength to reject.
Often when we feel lonely we put ourselves down and don't have the same level of confidence we would otherwise have.
I think it is important for you to realize what happens when you are lonely...how vulnerable you feel and how down on yourself you become.
It would be a good idea to find a way to talk yourself out of these feelings when you are gripped with loneliness. Maybe you could make a "scrap book" filled with pictures and notes and words of wisdom you like and when you are feeling lonely look at this book. It could be filled with pictures of you and your son, of vacations, of people you love, and notes or cards others have sent you.
well, it is hard to not feel lonely when in fact you are lonely. Still, I never intended to actively look for him. I was just wondering why he didn't look for me since it is hard to find someone you really like
that is a good idea
Yes...it is hard to find a man you ca really like and who fits other important factors like is honest, caring, loving, and so forth. But...these men are out there!
And yes...the reality of feeling lonely...is that you are alone.
And we all need to find ways to handle those times in life when we are completely alone...
I meant that I don't understand why he is not looking for me if he was supposedly in love
and i have been alone for so long, that it is hard to imagine how long will it take for me
so it goes both ways
You raise a very good point...if he truly was in love with you why would he stop chasing you?
But as I have said in the past...you really don't know what is going on in his life anymore. For all you know, he may have had to leave town to find work.
and the point is that is all for the better
I realize that
so I decided to try to stop thinking about it
one last thought: sometimes love makes people change for the better and I was hoping he would
the times he chased me he had the "excuse" that he was working, he could think, and make me think, that he didn't actually wake up thinking about me and wondering how to get me back
You are absolutely right...sometimes love does change you...and your hope that he would change came from your own heart. I'm sorry that he did not take advantage of all that you offered him. Still...there likely were things about you that did soften him...you might just never know the full impact.
this time he would have had to fully recognize that he was coming to look for me. he would have to let his ego out the door and man-up and surrender to his feelings, and act according to his words
I don't think he was telling the truth about that...I believe he actually did spend considerable time trying to arrange his actions and life so that he could see you.
Yes..and maybe that is part of the problem here...he does not have the strength of character to be a man, to match his words to his actions, and to drop his ego...
he tried to cover up the chase because he considered he was humiliating himself
he thinks that would have not been manly
Yes...very good point...he could not admit that he was chasing you because he wanted to be with you...
In order to be with me, this time he would have had to leave his ego, and START being truthful
Agreed. But I'm sorry to say that I don't think he can or would do this.
also he was not going to be able to cover the relationship or his real domestic life anymore
he has proven that he won't change
so no matter if he comes back, he will still lie and his ego would be first
so what exactly am I hoping for? That is why I need to stop thinking about this
Yes...you need to stop thinking about this and decide once and for all that it is over ... that this is not the person you want in your life.
But...it's not as easy as that...it takes time to process the feelings and that is what you have been doing...
thank you for helping me again
I may come back to talk a little more, but rest assured that I know he is not the one
I have always known that
bye for now
You take care to!