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Karin Samms
Karin Samms, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 299
Experience:  with over 15 years experience offering support with relationship, mental health & addiction issues
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Should I text him or wait till he contacts me Hi Karin

Resolved Question:

Should I text him or wait till he contacts me

Hi Karin I appreciate this counselling service especially when I am stuck on relationship issue . I have been seeing the same guy when I consulted last time. I want to know how sincere man he is. but I have no tool to find out. I want some communication tool to find out.

This man texted me one time when we are out of contact for 2 weeks as I want to step back and I just made sure that I m to be non clingy , non needful women, so I didn't chase him didn't initiate contact with him. Then he contacted me saying " you know you don't need to wait for me to contact you " that message is just right on . He knows why I am not contacting him. It kind of embarrassed me as he sensed that i m waiting for him to contact me. so I said okay I will contact you freely although back in my head I really don't want to keep initiating contacting him.

One time I felt the way that he is no t sincere man as he came to my home and trying to seduce me , and he always leave me on the bed as soon as he had sex , he wears his cloths back on and leaves bed as soon as he had sex and prepares going back home saying his kids waiting etc. Do you think i should tell him when he does this again saying " I feel disrespected when you leave bed as soon as you had sex and you don't stay with me for a while " Do you think this behaviour tells you that he is using me for sex . Do you think its just him and he has no intention to make me feel bad. I m so scared if i say this to him makes me and him very awakeward. but i f i must do it , then i will deteremine to do.

after this incident i really questioned his respect and his sincerity toward me. after a few days of this, he messaged me that i m amazing, you look so good and your ass is the best.

I felt very insulted and felt awkward so i didn't message him back straight away. these messages just makes me think oh he is just interested in me for sex and purely physical attraction and not emotional attraction.

after 1 week he hasn't contacted me. I messaged him that Can you help me for fixing the bathroom s lights , very direct question.

He has not responded for me for last 5 days , but I can see he is keeping on updating on facebook via mobile phone.

Which makes me think He is ignoring message from me.

I know guys are very insensitive. they can get very lazy texting back .,

Am I over analysing his behaviour ? or should I really question his sincerity and respect toward me seriously due to his this distant behaviour.

I know guys pull away for no apparent reason, but this makes me think he is n t a good guy and I want to figure out that I should break up with him or not

Should I text him back again ., if so what i should say ?
tell him directly like I feel disrespected when you don't contact me for a while although I asked your help or Should I leave it and wait till he gets back to me ?

How can I regain my confidence, self esteem and positivity.

I should not feel I am left over from loving committed relationship with men but it just make me feel i m not attractive women enough . I am putting myself down by comparing other women on my workplace getting married and stuff. I know I shouldn't do this as it actually make me more unattractive from men by this negative attitude and unhappy feelings.

I want to find self esteem and happiness without him , without bothering his business. I am trying to find life, independance and free mind without him, as i can see i m losing myself since I met him . I have been trying to find hobbies and friends that i can hand out on my day off but my friends either are all engaged with boyfriends or married and have their kids, have their own business, so most of the time I spend my day off alone. I tried gym , but nothing last long. I am still trying but ended up with just killing time with facebooking.

I hate feeling of lonliness , which came to my life last 1.5 years i noted. living alone and i m 28 working full time. my life used to be full of friends and full of life. I think i m missing something. I really want to be positive and be optimistic.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Karin Samms replied 2 years ago.
Hi there, welcome to Just Answer. I will try and help you with your question.

I'm sorry that you are going through this still with him.

I believe that you need to let go of this relationship, I am being somewhat direct with you as I do not want to mess you around with long conversations and difficult scenarios, but he really has a negative effect upon you and your self esteem. Your confidence is getting lower and lower, his attitude and how he talks to you is not acceptable. You are a good woman and do not deserve this treatment and yes, I do believe he is using you. I am sure I have said this to you before.

You need to reflect very carefully now about your future, do you see yourself with this man long term? I don't think that he is good for your self esteem, hence why you are still struggling to consider what to do.

You CAN be confident, happy and have a support of friends around you but you are in a difficult position with this man who is gradually distancing you (and you are permitting him to do so) from your friendships and support network.

You could text him back and tell him you feel very disrespected. You need to build up your confidence and assertiveness - this can be done through one to one counseling, so perhaps seek this in your local area. Through such counseling, you can begin to understand what he is doing and why you have so far, allowed him to behave in this way (he can only do what you permit him to, hence why if you begin to say "No, no more nonsense." He will either have to agree or leave you alone, don't you agree?

It's great though, that you are trying to find ways to keep your mind off of him and to find ways to relax, so well done! You need to do MORE of these things for you, and you only - this is how you begin to build up your self esteem. :)

I do hope this is helping, please do come back to me for further assistance and support if you need it, I'd rather support you as much as possible and receive a positive rating and I'd be more than happy to continue supporting you until you feel satisfied.
If I have answered your question, kindly rate my service positively before you leave the site so I may be credited for my time. If you choose to rate me anything less than positive, please do come back to me and I will clarify further or support your query further. Your question will not close and I will continue to support your question. Bonuses are always appreciated.

Kindest Regards, Karin

Karin Samms, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 299
Experience: with over 15 years experience offering support with relationship, mental health & addiction issues
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Expert:  Karin Samms replied 2 years ago.
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