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Dr. L
Dr. L, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
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dear dr. L, could we chat for a while... I realized what is

Resolved Question:

dear dr. L, could we chat for a while... I realized what is bothering me.


 


 


The last time i saw this guy it was because he told me to meet him at a car dealer because he had negotiated how to exchange my car for a cheaper one. I wasn't ready and it took me like two hours to get there because it was very far away from my house.


It was his decision to do it that day (Saturday) which we normally didn't plan on being together.


 


Once I got to the car dealer, there was no deal, and I realized that he just wanted to see me. Still, I didn't say a thing, but he started complaining that I took too long to get there and that he was taking time to help me and that I was inconsiderate.


 


Instead of engaging in a battle of words I simply said: well, if it's so difficult for you, just don't do it.


 


He was mad but didn't talk to me, nor he called me on the phone while I drove home (which he usually did). So I called him and asked what was happening.


 


He went off saying that I was inconsiderate with his time, and that my words had made him rethink many things about the whole relationship.


 


I was crying at that point and I apologized several times, and just told him that I didn't like to be fighting all the time.


 


After that Saturday fight he didn't call and I didn't call him. The Friday after that, it was his birthday but I didn't call him. For us it was a big deal because the year before I had made nice plans for his birthday and he kept remembering it. We had talked about spending a weekend together and many other things but... I was so hurt and afraid and completely over him that I decided to not call.


 


The next Monday he appeared at my work with the excuse that he had an interview. I saw him at a hallway (this is a pattern of his, he knows what hallways I use so he coincidentially walks by those hallways.


 


We both said hi (no contact) and I asked if he was interviewing. He answered that he was, and I said "good". When I was about to leave he said: "you know, I got your car papers, do you want me to send them?" I said that I didn't need them but he could send them if he wished to. I left.


 


Since then he hasn't called or appeared.


 


What bothers me is if I did something wrong. Did I deserve his reaction?


 


Could you put us in chat mode?

Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Josie-Mod replied 1 year ago.
Hi, I'm Josie and I am a moderator for this topic. I sent your requested professional a message to follow up with you here, when he is back online.

If I can help further, please let me know. Thank you for your continued patience.
Expert:  Dr. L replied 1 year ago.
Hi,
I'm sorry I missed your post.

You did nothing wrong. He did. He falsely told you that he wanted to meet at a car dealer to trade in your car, when in reality there was no deal pending with the car dealer. You were NOT inconsiderate because you dropped whatever plans you originally had to go meet him. You were following his instructions. What you got was berated and treated poorly for doing exactly what he told you to do!

Then he came to your work and essentially stalked you by trying to "run into you" in the hallway.

The inconsiderate one here was him....he lures you to a car dealer far from you home unexpectedly. He goes to your work and tries to see you clandestinely. None of these incidents is honest...they are deceptive and sneaky.

Your reaction of being hurt and afraid were normal based on how he had treated you . How could you trust someone who acts so poorly? who blames you for things that you had nothing to do with? who berates you?

NO...he was the inconsiderate one as he expected you to be at his call whenever he had time for you.

We can continue in chat mode. Just sign on when you can and I will watch for your posting.
Dr. L, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1166
Experience: Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
Dr. L and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Hi!

I read your posting and everything you say is the exact analysis of what happened, but is it what he interpreted?

 

ANd why hasn't he called or appeared again?

He didn't seem to want to let me go, part of his personality is to be very insistent... which scared me a lot at the time I broke up with him but now that he is not acting as he is supposed to I wonder if I misjudged him.

 

I am online if you have time to chat.

Expert:  Dr. L replied 1 year ago.
Yes...I have time to chat.
You would have to close this question and write a new question so that we could use chat mode. Okay?
Dr. L, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1166
Experience: Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
Dr. L and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Dr. L,


I am ready to chat if you are online.

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