Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).
I am very sorry to know about this frustrating situation.
Is this your first child? Has she ever been that way before during your relationship-marriage?
Is this is totally new behavior she is presenting after having your baby, how was her pregnancy, physically and psychologically, stressors and how sensitive she uses to be?
Hi Rafael, Yes first child and no she has never been like this before?
Hi, thank you for replying.
during pregnancy she was great
I am now finding no matter what I do she finds faults and I am not sure if it is my fault for being too nice and she says jump I say how hi
If I want or need time away even for an hour she questions me
I just want her to be happy and she cant see this
I see, I am sorry to hear this. What about her mood and behavior-functioning the rest of he time when it is not about the baby, is she fine or these changes have impacted all her mood, functioning and relationships too?
It is causing me stress, anger inside. I am bottling it up and do not want to release it for the sake of our child
Everything has to be perfect, everything revolves around the baby. Which I am okay with, but the moment something is not perfect she loses her mind or tries to deflect the blame
Having a baby does create deep changes at the physical and psycho-emotional level for a woman, and many times depressive and anxiety / personality changes and disorders could happen from it.
Postpartum depression and/or anxiety could be like this, which is obviously shocking for anybody in your shoes, since you are depicting a person who has become abusive.
to give you 2 examples: she has blamed me a few times when baby cant sleep if I so not follow strict guidelines such as not talking to baby in last feed of the day and if I do not burp baby properly and baby does not sleep it is my fault.
You'd need to set healthy boundaries and limits, continue to show empathy, understanding, patience and support but not in codependent ways, since that would enable further abuse behaviors. She requires of counseling-psychotherapeutic support in order to work on herself, these changes and coping with the stressors her situation presents, including taking good care of your marriage.
should i talk to my local doctor about next steps and what I can do? I am lost... I also worry when I am not home due to lack of sleep she could harm our new born
her mood is obviously disrupted and this needs to be addressed or it would continue undermining her mental health, the baby's well-being and your marriage.
She needs to get psychological support in order to rehabilitate from these disorder. Her doctor should be able to refer her for mental health / counseling services, for an assessment and consistent therapy after it.
Thank you so much for your help I will take the next step and speak with our local doctor. I appreciate your advice.
You're very welcome, please do so as soon as possible since she needs hep and the three of you harmony in order to be and feel fine and enjoy this unique time in your lives.