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Ask Rafael M.T.Therapist Your Own Question

Rafael M.T.Therapist
Rafael M.T.Therapist, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3189
Experience:  MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
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So my girlfriend and I were doing awesome she has one kid and

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So my girlfriend and I were doing awesome she has one kid and was about to go and drop off her two year old daughter for three months at her dad's house which was very hard for her to do. We had made plans to go do all kinds of things when she got back she brought up most of them. When she was on her trip I tried to give her as much space as she needed everything was good but then I panicked because we had a little incident before she left and I thought that I was doing the right thing by telling her I understood where she was coming from and I was sorry. She sent a text a few days later saying she wasn't in the right frame of mind to talk about us because of losing her kid for three months and that is when things went south very quickly not thinking of the text I sent the other day I panicked thinning she was not wanting to be with me anymore and I told her that I had turned down other girls to be with her and all that crazy stuff she then sent a text back saying she has to think about things and to give her space.So I did for about a day but couldn't take it anymore because all the possibilities going through my head and I realized she was talking about the text from earlier. So I sent a text explaining the text from earlier and why right it was good news since we were supposed to hang out when she got back I asked if we were going to hang out and she said maybe she needs time alone. So the day she got back which was a few days later I sent her a text asking if she was coming over and she replied back that she thinks we shouldn't see each other anymore. I was devastated and sent quite a few texts telling her that I was sorry and I should of been supportive of her I was selfish and hope that she could give us another chance I told her that all I want is to be there for her and I'll wait for her. Do my question is will she consider taking me back? Our did I don the relationship for good?
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Rafael M.T.Therapist replied 1 year ago.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).

Customer:

Hello how are you thanks for the help

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I am very sorry to know about this frustrating situation.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You're very welcome. Thank you for joining the chat.

Customer:

Yeah it happens just really like her and don't want to lose her

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Could you please tell me more about your relationship? You said you were doing very good and suddenly after an "incident" she showed these reactions and then ended the relationship. For how long were you dating and what happened in that incident?

Customer:

We have been seeing each other for about three months and yes everything was great she even invited me to Vegas for her birthday just the two of us. The incident was a guy that she had known for eight years was hanging out with her and he made a fleeting gesture she backed away from him but I got a little jealous we talked about it but it was still nagging at me then when she left I told her I was sorry but I realize now it wasn't the right time to send that she was dealing with losing her daughter for the months I should of just let her be and given her support.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I see, then you just started dating. Her behavior clearly shows she has not felt comfortable at all because of these circumstances and I do not think it'd help to push her at all.

Customer:

So what do you suggest is here any hope for the relationship?

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I do believe there is always hope...

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

but it does always depend on how both of you feel, want and do about it.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You have just shared for a few months and she is already feeling this way and unwilling to share more, then you need to respect that, give her time and see if she feels ready and willing to continue working on knowing each other and building a relationship.

Customer:

So feel she still has feelings for me I just put a barrier between us what do you think I should do

Customer:

Do you have a specific plan of action or do I just wait and hope for the best

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

What I see is that she is directly telling you to stop contacting her, to give her space, then I do not see how pushing her through further communication right now could help at all. but it would undermine any potential future chances.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I suggest you not to contact her a t least in two weeks, then you could send a brief email message letting her know you care and hope everything is fine, and see what she tells you, how she reacts, and based on that you would choose what you want and are willing to do about it, but always respecting her boundaries.

Customer:

I'm not talking pushing her I was just thinning of saying hi how are you in a week and leaving it at that just letting her know I'm still thinking of her but keeping it simple

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I see, has she told you that it is fine for her for you to do that, that she feels comfortable keeping in touch with you that way?

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

If she has, if she feels fine getting your texts, messages or calls, even in that limited fashion, then I see no problem with you doing that at all, but if she does not want even that limited communication right now, then it would not help.

Customer:

I see, so did I screw this up then? By not being more supportive of her situation and giving her space to begin with?

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

The best and healthiest approach in relationships is to start by respecting boundaries, showing understanding and support, even when that means not being able to get closer to the other person if she does not want that to happen. It's tough for anybody in your shoes, but there is no other way to promote a healthy and fulfilling relationships, where always both partners feel and want to be together and actively involved in learning about each other and building a reality together.

Customer:

That is how we started I always respected any boundary she had and will always continue to I had one lapse of judgement just don't see how this can end everything we have built together

Customer:

And apologized for it just how she can forgive me and we can move on from this

Customer:

Hope

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Right, and that is something that totally depends on her, the only thing you can do is to wait and hope she would reconsider her decision and allow you back in her life.

Customer:

Well I'll hope for the best I just hope she does give me another chance and lets me back into her life. The hardest part will be the waiting

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I totally support you and hope this happens, no way to know but by waiting, time will tell, and only you know for how long you want and can wait.

Customer:

Yeah if after I hear from herand she lets on that she still wants something then I'll be able to wait for her as long as it takes

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Right

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Please feel free to ask any further questions as necessary since I am here to support you. Thank you for your trust.

Rafael M.T.Therapist, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3189
Experience: MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
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