Hi! I'll be glad to be of help with this issue.
I can imagine how frustrating and confusing this situation must be for you. You are clearly very deeply in love with your wife and her standoffishness and lack of emotional reciprocity makes things very difficult for you. You are doing everything to please her you can think of and none of your efforts make her budge emotionally. I can tell you right away: you've done everything you can to fix it. You're in therapy, you've made changes in your behavior, etc.
And this is actually the key to my answer to you that you need to consider and think about. The assumption here is that the problems in your marriage are your fault. I do not see this from what you write. I see that you each have problems and therefore, even if you become Mr. Perfect by a half, it still won't resolve all the problems.
You've described her as being very physically beautiful and attractive. In my experience, there is an emotional disconnnect that can occur for women who grew up beautiful and very desired. They can have physical relaitonships and are very comfortable with physical relationships, but "love" is tough for them. In fact emotional intimacy can be much, much harder for some very beautiful women (and extremely handsome men who have been sought after by women throughout their lives) than physical intimacy.
And this sounds like the case for her. She seems very at ease with sexuality and exhibitionistic sex and peole ogling her and wanting her physically. But she is very uncomfortable with a man, it seems, who wants an intimate emotional relationship, where love is a bond of two hearts and caring and giving oneself emotionally to the other.
It's true that your bursting at the seems so much with wanting her would be frustrating for her. However, from what you wrote, your insistance and being over the top really was part of a progression that involved her lack of comfort with being in an emotionally exclusive, intimate relationship. Giving one's heart to another human being can be hard to some people. For you, it is what you want more than anything in the world and you're willing to give in on any sexual ideas she wants to have that closeness. So it's hard for you to imagine that perhaps the problem here is not you. Perhaps she can't be emotionally close and the more you try, the harder it is for her; the more insistent you are, the more it points out to her (subconsciously) how she can't and (consciously) it makes her want to run away from you.
Therefore, I'd like you to discuss the points in my answer (you could print it and take it with you) in therapy. I don't think she'll take kindkly to it. But with your therapist you may be able to use my answer to gain good insight into the situation and why you are so frustrated.
Okay, I wish you the very best!
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