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TherapistJen
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
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I need some advice. I love my girlfriend of two years to tears.

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I need some advice. I love my girlfriend of two years to tears. We've even had some talk of marriage which is surprising because she is very commitment-phobic. Recently, she went home for a few weeks to see friends and family. When she came back, something seemed different. Couldn't put my finger on it, but something felt 'off.' One thing that bothered me is she kept talking about one of her guy friends. I know I shouldn't have, but I looked last night at what they've been texting. Her words to him: 'Having fun and fooling around isn't the same as a relationship.' So, he wants to be with her, but she doesn't want that, but I know they were 'fooling around' while she was there. Did she sleep with him? Don't know but I don't think so. Making out, blowjob etc? We're somewhere in that spectrum. She doesn't know that I know and still talks with me about marriage down the road. Do I call her on it or leave it alone?
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 1 year ago.
Hi. Welcome. I am a Licensed Master Social Worker with more than 20 years experience working with individuals and families on a variety of issues.

I think you are in a tough spot here....you looked at the phone because you knew something wasn't right with her. but, if you don't say anything then how will you trust? i am sure these are the issues swirling in your mind.

I am all for open communication and so if you decide that you will talk with her about it, then you must be prepared for her to have some very strong feelings of mistrust as well since you have looked at her phone. If you don't say anything, will you be able to move forward and trust and rely on her? I am not sure I hear that. So, if you leave it alone, I am not sure that the relationship can progress for you in the way you want.

If you are both committed to one another then it seems odd that she would be flirting or fooling around with anyone else and this needs to be addressed. Even if she says she wants marriage and commitment with you, her actions are indicating otherwise. If it were me, i would be open with my loved one and lay it all on the table and also be prepared for her to be upset about you checking the phone. Deal with all of it...the good and the less good. How does that sound?
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2000
Experience: Providing the Utmost Care and Support
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TherapistJen
TherapistJen
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