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Karin Samms
Karin Samms, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 299
Experience:  with over 15 years experience offering support with relationship, mental health & addiction issues
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I met this man from online dating. He is a paid member. He

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I met this man from online dating. He is a paid member. He contacted me first and we talked for few mins then he asked my phone number. We know each other for a week so far but seems like more than that since we talk everyday and could spend hours everytime he called. He always the one who made the initiative to call me. Our connection is amazing. We talked about any kind of aspects. But we haven't met in person yet.

I feel I could connect with him physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. (We both are muslims, so we talk about our religion and stuff and we both like how we see each other perspective).

He is always polite and good manner. He is a Morrocan lives in US and I live in Spain. Currently he is in Morocco since ramadan and last friday he asked me if I have any plans for the weekend. He said he is going for a family trip to the northern of Morocco which is close to Spain and ask me if I want to come to Morocco. But I told him that I need to meet him first in Spain at least then I can go with him to Morocco.

My question is, he is having a family trip and he hasn't met me in person yet. If I go with him it means that I will meet his family. Didn't he think how if he met me in person then what happen if he doesn't like me?
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Karin Samms replied 1 year ago.
Hi there, welcome to Just Answer. I will try and help you with your question.

Yes, it seems that he hasn't thought this through. He clearly likes you but as a woman and travelling that kind of distance for someone who you have only to date, communicated via phone seems a risk - in terms of safety and trust. He probably is absolutely fine and just innocently has asked you. You could ask him and see what he feels about you. You are right though, to encourage him to meet you in Spain, this I would try and encourage further.

If you feel uncomfortable with the whole notion of meeting parents etc you should explain to him that it is too early to meet parents and you would like to get to meet with him in person before you can take that next step. It may be a possibility that he was not planning on taking you to meet his parents? Could this be a possibility? He may have considered a separate rooms hotel to stay at, to ensure you felt comfortable with the whole idea? (These are just my thoughts on what you have so far said).

My main observation and as a woman myself, I would consider safety first and also what makes you most comfortable - try and express to him that you would love to spend more time together but upon his return (on route) to USA, you could meet in Spain, this will enable you both to get to know each other and see if you both still feel that connection in person. You can then take things from there. My best to you and good luck in your decision.

I do hope this is helping, please do come back to me for further assistance and support if you need it, I'd rather support you as much as possible and receive a positive rating and I'd be more than happy to continue supporting you until you feel satisfied.
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If I have answered your question, kindly rate my service positively before you leave the site so I may be credited for my time. If you choose to rate me anything less than positive, please do come back to me and I will clarify further or support your query further. Your question will not close and I will continue to support your question. Bonuses are always appreciated.

Kindest Regards, Karin
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

For the separate room idea, I don't think it could match. He told me numerous times that he is very attached to his family. Which means how could he leaves his family (while on the trip) and just be with me. Separate rooms of course but we somehow have to hang out altogether, no?


 


So, you think that he didn't think through before he made the plan and asked me?

Expert:  Karin Samms replied 1 year ago.
Yes, I think he hasn't thought through how this might impact on you (meeting the family). He may well have gotten a little excited and overlooked this. If you were to mention to him that you're concerned about this a little, how do you think he might react/respond? It might not be a bad thing - to talk about something that could be a little challenging? It will possibly strengthen your relationship by being open and communicating honestly - this shows respect on both sides, don't you think?

I would try to decline politely but offer something positive and arrange a meet up in Spain for whenever suits him - this way you are both compromising.

I hope this helps!

If I have answered your question, kindly rate my service positively before you leave the site so I may be credited for my time. If you choose to rate me anything less than positive, please do come back to me and I will clarify further or support your query further. Your question will not close and I will continue to support your question. Bonuses are always appreciated.

Kindest Regards, Karin
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

FYI, I'm in a process of waiting for my residency in Spain and I could not leave Spain anyway and I told him. He replied, it's ok, I will come, not a problem. North is not that far from southern Spain. But I don't want to pressure you. And I replied, it's not a pressure, I would love to meet you too.


Honestly, I'm kinda intrigued. If he really likes me why he not just go to Madrid (where I live in). But he always mentioned like we could meet in the middle somewhere (he says this since our first phone call).



And these 2 days (saturday and sunday) I haven't heard anything from him (I'm a bit conservative to take the first move).

Expert:  Karin Samms replied 1 year ago.
Hi there,

I wouldn't read too much into it, however if you feel there has been some 'change' in the way you both communicate then it's important to keep an eye on this. My role as an online counsellor alongside my normal counselling job tells me that he is coming across as open and willing to compromise. However the lack of contact after a week of intense conversations seems perhaps strange to you, but he's probably busy and preoccupied with family in Morocco. This level of non contact after such a lot of communication can feel very strange but may mean very little and regular life can get in the way for either one of you when you are busy.

If you really feel he's different and special, perhaps you could just send an email or a text and see how he's getting on in Morocco and start the conversation and communication up again and await a response. His original position of meeting in the middle is possibly just to keep it fair and to keep the meet up something you'd both be comfortable with. He is still getting to know you and may not want to step on your toes, yet it does seem he's overlooked the impact/ effect meeting in Morocco would have on you - if part of this would be about meeting the family. More conversation may need to take place regarding what this relationship means to him and what it means to you too - some clarity when you both get a chance would be a clear way of understanding each other's perspectives.

If I have answered your question, kindly rate my service positively before you leave the site so I may be credited for my time. If you choose to rate me anything less than positive, please do come back to me and I will clarify further or support your query further. Your question will not close and I will continue to support your question. Bonuses are always appreciated.

Kindest Regards, Karin
Expert:  Karin Samms replied 1 year ago.
Hi,

Can I be of any further help to you? If so, please do let me know.
If I have answered your question, kindly rate my service positively before leaving the site so I may be credited for my time. If you choose to rate me anything less than positive, please do come back to me and I will clarify further or support your query further. Your question will not close and I will continue to support your question. Bonuses are always appreciated.

Regards, Karin
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Sorry for late response.


I just feel that he blocked me on whatsapp.


Nothing to say!

Expert:  Karin Samms replied 1 year ago.
Hi there,
Are you absolutely certain? Sometimes it might be Internet connection that cannot connect - especially if he hasn't got wifi?
Write him an email and wait for a response. Please do rate my service so that I know I have helped you? I hope that I have helped you gain some clarity and provided you with some support...
I am still here even after rating my answer for any follow up questions.
My best to you and sit tight. It might simply be Internet connection related.

Regards, Karin
Karin Samms, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 299
Experience: with over 15 years experience offering support with relationship, mental health & addiction issues
Karin Samms and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Karin Samms replied 1 year ago.
Hi there,

Thank you for rating my service positively, it is very much appreciated.

Please do let me know if I can be of further help.

if you have new questions and would like to return to me, please open a new page and ask your question, please ensure you add "For Karin" at the start of your question and I will do my very best to help and support you.

Take care, my best wishes to you.

Karin
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Hi Karin,


 


I finally got the response from him. It happened he switched his acc to Moroccan number and probably caused a conflict.


 


He began talking to me, He (H), Me (M). FYI I'm 35 and he is going 37


H : wow I can see that you had such a desire to talk to me. I know I did


M : Firstly coz I thought you block me and I don't know what actually happened


H : I'm so flattered


M : No joking


H : I did not block you and I wouldn't do that


M : I was really pissed off


H : So you do get pissed off ha. Well, you should have called me


M : Yea and I don't like it


H : I forgive you, cause you showed me that matter to you


M : Not funny


H : It is funny, cause I didn't block you, sweet face


A little conflict makes life more interesting. Besides my internet subscription expired for the past 2 days too. So, can I ask you something?


M : Shoot


H : did you miss talking to me?


M : Did you plan this?


H : oh my good, i did not. it just happened


M : if you planned this, you are really evil


H : I would never do that. you are so sweet, so genuine, so normal. But you didn't answer my question. And you did touch my heart the other day by what you said to me


M : I'm still pissed off. Hate you. I don't like to feel like this


H : Wow!! Why hate?? That a strong word


M : Yes, because I strongly don't like to feel like this. Couldn't sleep properly.


H : Aww


M : Not funny


H : I didn't know. Honestly. That last thing I want is to hurt you. Specially you


M : Yea right


H : I told you I didn't block you. You haven't given me any reason to do such a thing. You need to chill


M : I told you I could be very sensitive in this period. Now you can see that


H : Your faith needs to be stronger than this evil pain


M : Alhamdullilah my faith is still strong. But afterall I'm only human who has a sensitive side. I'm not a robot. Ok then if you don't block me. Sorry if I was questioning


H : Nice to know. Did you miss me?


M : But if you ever think of playing around, you got a wrong address


H : Stop saying that. I don't play with people's emotion, that dishonest and haram. I see your face and it only brings the best out of me. I don't like stupid conflicts. I'm sooo easy. Cause I don't play games


M : I need someone who could understand my situation. It has been pretty hard for me. I don't know if I'm strong enough to carry more


H : I will call you later. I understand you are going through some hardship. I feel like we should talk rather than chat. Inchallah you'll be just fine. Allah will guide you through. You'll see. Just have faith and be patient


 


After a while..


 


M : Now I can answer your question. Yes I did and do miss you


H : Well you have a funny way of showing it. I'm glad you do


M : Cause I rarely showing it


H : Hmm, you are sooo sweet. So what was all that about earlier. ha


M : I truly pissed off but miss you at the same time. But please stop make me blushing


H : Me? Really?


M : Who else?


H : Well, it's nice to see and get in touch with new sides of you. Truly delicious


M : What new sides? Uhh


H : The good and bad ones lol. Someday I'll introduce you to my other sides lol. But for me what you see is what you get


M : But I haven't seen your evil side yet. I need to be prepared for that


H : Well you have to inspire me though


M : It will if we know each other long enough I guess. But I must say that you could more or less handle me in my bad mood. Only very few people I have met in life who could did that


H : Ok, I'll be waiting for the opportunity. Sweet


 


After few mins, it begins..


 


H : Were you sort of testing me? And you made this whole story up???


M : Are you crazy. I hate test and to be tested. You can google what the signs if someone block you on whatsapp ( I also sent him the screen shot of his whatsapp chat on my phone). You really cannot feel how i email you? I was pissed to the top. How could you say I made this story up?


H : That was a simple question. Don't get defensive


M : Then up to you if you want to believe me or not. I cannot say anything. I never play mind games. It was a simple question. But you were questioning my motives.


H : You assumed I blocked you


M : But I saw signs. Anyway, I'm sorry. Forgive me?


H : You are forgiven I'm still talking to you


M : Hmm, then why you asked me all this?


H : I asked you cause I don't like to accuse without asking. I don't assume people are guilty before getting their own side do the story


M : Don't mean to be defensive. I asked you politely if you blocked me in my first email. I really couldn't sleep properly last night and feel down you questioning my motives. But it's your right whatever you want to think about me


H : Chatting with someone can only reflect a little about the true character. I hope some day you will have the chance to know me in person. Inchallah


M : I never hide who I am. I sometimes unable to show my feelings coz I'm afraid of getting hurt. Thats all about me. Even you know me for 50 yrs, you will still find those things in me. Hope you have a good trip


H : I never doubted you


 


Then, we stopped chatting


 


Please kindly give me the detail of your insight of the whole situation on why he suddenly questioning me after I thought we were ok.


 


 


 


 


 


 

Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Additional info, he is still regularly online on the dating site.

Expert:  Karin Samms replied 1 year ago.
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Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Thanks for your insight Karin. Really appreciate it.


 


So, what should I do now? Should I leave him alone or should I contact him? If yes, what should I say? I'm really confused.

Expert:  Karin Samms replied 1 year ago.
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Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Hi Karin,


 


Can I continue my situation counseling?

Expert:  Karin Samms replied 1 year ago.
Hi there,

I would be more than happy to support your new question, however Just Answer request that at this stage, you open a new question and you can request me if you wish to continue by putting "For Karin" at the start of your question.

I look forward to your response.

Warm wishes,
Karin
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

I followed your suggestion regarding our last conversation. I continued communicate with him. However, I suspect that he might be a self saboteur? Because everytime he said something with emotional involved, he just back away.


 


The last time he said,"the most important thing is, i do feel we could have something, you and I. We should explore further and lets God completes the rest." Then he back away until now. It has been almost 3 weeks.

Expert:  Karin Samms replied 1 year ago.
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Customer: replied 1 year ago.

I decide not to contact him before he initiate it first. I feel he needs to put his words into actions. However, we planned to have a trip together and he was pretty rushing to meet. Till i cancelled it coz it was peak season and only 1 room in some hotels and i didnt want to share with him.


 


So i guess i have nothing to lose.

Expert:  Karin Samms replied 1 year ago.
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