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Ask Dr. Norman Brown Your Own Question

Dr. Norman Brown
Dr. Norman Brown, Marriage Therapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1144
Experience:  Family Therapist & teacher 35+ yrs; PhD research in couples
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To be answered by a MALE relationship expert ONLY. I thought

Customer Question

To be answered by a MALE relationship expert ONLY. I thought Dr. Paige answered the question very well from a female perspective.

However, I am now looking for a male perspective. Let me repeat the previous question:

All the "expertise" That I am asking is to for is to be of the lovelier sex and be ~20-40. Obviously, I am relying on honesty. I will pay for the first 10 responses. I am embarrassed To ask this. If a man With whom you are romantically involved, (e.g. boyfriend, fiancé, husband) mentions you would look nice in a particular shade of lipstick) would you a) try it, or instead, b) find that he asked, really weird?

Now for the guys, again first 10 will rcv payment, same Age bracket and same level of involvement with the woman in your life, would you a) Ever ask a woman to wear a particular shade and b) the fact that I am even asking this question, and for which I am embarrassed In doing so, am I a weirdo to even ask the question?

thank you,

Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Martin replied 2 years ago.
Hello. Many will find this perfectly normal. So am i at the caveat that it would depend of what happen next.

Men rarely care about the type of makeup (or any makeup at all). If one really want a special type of makeup it may raise a flag. Does he really like the women for what she is or does he want to use her as a trophy wife (to fit cultural archetype of success). He may also want to change her behavior by making her change her appearance bit by bit over time.

If the man really LIKE lipstick and have special interest in all thing feminine like that, it may be a sign. At all era some men liked do feminine clothing or even wear them, but all this seem accentuated by things like in this documentary:

In any case, nothing to worry to much about, no one will die from this :)

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Thank you for the Reply Martin, but I specifically requested a relationship expert. Like you, I am an engineer.
Expert:  Dr. Mark replied 2 years ago.

Hi! I'll be glad to be of help with this.

No, I don't think you're a weirdo. Asking your girlfriend/wife/etc. to wear a specific lipstick shade could certainly be a turn on; and in terms of turn ons, it's not a particularly weird one. It's right there with wearing red negligee. It's not even as risqué as asking her to wear see through negligee, which is now in stores in malls. And it's certainly not some of the weird things guys have available to ask for from the internet. all depends on the woman.

And this is actually the key to my answer to you that you need to consider and think about. You know your girlfriend/wife best. You know her sexual predilections and interests and turn ons and turn offs. Some women will become very suspicious if you ask for a particular shade rather than a general color, for example. Like asking for a particular negligee rather than a general type.

Therefore, my recommendation would be to try to find an ad for that shade. Then you can show her the ad and explain you had this idea for a certain color that you thought would turn you on so you looked for the shade in ads and found it.

Okay, I wish you the very best!

My goal is for you to feel like you've gotten Great Service from me and the site. If we need to continue the discussion for that to happen, then please feel free to reply and we'll continue working on this. If the answer has given you the help you need, please remember to give a rating of 5 (Great Service) or 4 (Informative and helpful), or even 3 (Got the job done) button. This will make sure that I am credited for the answer and you are not charged anything more than the deposit you already made by pressing any of these buttons. Bonuses are always appreciated! If I can be of further help with any issue now or in the future, just put "For Dr. Mark" in the front of your new question, and I'll be the one to answer it. All the best, Dr. Mark

Expert:  Dr. Norman Brown replied 2 years ago.

I think Dr. Mark has alreay hit the mark with his answer. But I understand also from your request for 10 experts to answer whether they would do that themselves or not, that you're pretty young and worried about making yourself vulnerable to rejection and embarrassment by admitting that a shade of lipstick turns you on. I would ask my wife of 28 years to wear a fetching shade of lipstick, and she would try it because she wants me to know that she likes the prospect of turning me on, and wearing one shade or another of lipstick is well within her flexibility of how she wants to look. There wouldn't be 50-leven shades of lipstick on the market, with another 20-hundred coming out each year if it weren't well know in the fashion industry that men are turned on by how women look.


(Your concern is not unfounded though. It is possible, that some young women might misinterpret your interest to imply that they had to change their look in order to be alluring to you--if they were very insecure about whether they were attractive enough to turn a guy on or not. If you aren't able to feel turned on enough without the new shade of lipstick, it's possible you're not comfortable enough with her feminine otherness (compared to yourself) for your sexual feelings to emerge; so I'd suggest you keep on getting more comfortable emotionally through familiarity and erotic foreplay--and don't worry about whether you're keeping up with what the other guys say they're doingt or whether you're doing what your girl wants you to do. Developing your sexual young adulthood is an awesome and shaky adventure.)


And almost all young men have gotten turned on by some fashionable ways that women look in advertisements (which are meant to turn men on, so women will know what to do to turn men on, since they want to feel desirable when they dress up) before they ever got a chance to start having real personal relationships with girls. It's 100% likely that every young guy is aware of some ways of being turned on that he hasn't yet been able to experience with a real girlfriend. So he's prone to embarrassment until he's able to cross the puberty-2-adulthood bridge between what is essentially autoeroticism focused on imagery of women over to mutual sexual interaction with a female. Those of us who as young men DON'T follow the path to sexual relations that uses being drunk enough to obliterate our ability to feel shy, embarrassed or ashamed can have many experiences of extreme awkwardness when we are trying to communicate about what turns us on -- and that's what you seem to be writing about.


Here's some news from the other side of the gender gap: young women have the SAME issues with being very worried about revealing what turns them on to a boyfriend, but their relationship to sexual arousal is different, so what they do is likely to be different too. Since they can receive a young man's sexual excitement without being ready for orgasm themselves, they can concentrate on making sure he is excited WITHOUT needing to communicate to him about what would make them excited enough to reach a climax--and they can act like they're satisfied when they haven't had an orgasm, and in fact they may not even know what their own female orgasm would feel like. So the young woman may face other uncomfortable issues, most notably, that she may worry that she has to make sure she's sexually attractive enough to turn him on, which is a very obvious result, whicle she can act like she's very turned on without anything showing that she can't voluntarily control--like an erect penis. But she may be able to avoid ever having to try to communicate what would turn her on to her boyfriend.


So you can end up feeling you're the only one taking that kind of a risk (of being thought of as a wierdo). So I suggest you take the opportunity during a nice sexually intimate moment to ask your partner what turns her on--or kiss or fondle her very carefully somewhere that excites you and then whisper in her ear to ask if she likes that. If you can start giving her the chance to adjust YOUR actions so she's more turned on herself, then she'll be happier, AND she'll be more inclined to want to jumpstart your batteries by wearing what excites you--because she'll be satisfying her craving to know that she's everything you want at the same time as she's getting to guide you towards more intimately connected sexual body-dancing with her.


(In fact, beginning in the late 1960s there was a strand of women's sexual advice books that was teaching women how to learn what turned them on and then how to communicate that to their partners, so that more of them could achieve the orgasms that Masters and Johnson had discovered were actually more numerous, dramatic and fulfilling than men's orgasms. Sexuality is in fact an awesome private arena that most of us are not prepared for at all, and it also intensifies the energy that bonds us to each other in love to an extent we could never expect until it has happened. So it's very appropriate that we should be awkward and frightened about it on the way in.


Thank you for asking for older male guidance; that's our job, and it's to your credit that you've asked for the right sources, both male and female.

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