Please allow me to go on. He has a huge porn collection/addiction and seemed to be dependent on movies and/or oral sex for stimulation. He very rarely initiates sex. I sent him a text this morning to see if he wanted to hang out this evening, he ignored the text AFTER taking off work because I invited him to a party immediately after I found all this out. He told my daughter she would rcv her keys last Saturday and has not mentioned it since then. Whenever I try to talk to him, he is SILENT. I will say our relationship has been tumultuous and had finally began to level out, now this. And no when I mentioned doctor, I meant doctor for a checkup. He has refused to go to counseling. I will be going alone to address my own issues.
The discovery of the cheating is only the culmination of other things that exist between us. He isn't a communicator, did I mention he's a 50 yr old policeman. He's never been married, never cohabitated. I moved in last year and he frustrated me so with some of the same behavior, I left. We stayed together and continued to work on us, and I returned. I am an alcohlic who JUST NOW decided to seel professional help. There are several issues here at play. I do not for a moment doubt his love for myself or my daughter, but he told me two things:there's nothing wrong with him, and he doesn't make mistakes. Did I mention he has slept in the bed with me all of twice in the past week. Even before the discovery of cheating intimacy, affection, emotional availability were difficult. I'm laying it all out there because I'm ready to make a decision.
Im not his caretaker. We are in the same home but for the reasons you mentioned, there is little interaction. He's an outstanding provider and very stable and at THIS point that is attractive to me. I will get the counseling and get well and will probable have a totally different perspective on the entire situation once I am emotionally healthier. Maybe he will be motivated by my newfound happiness, but I doubt that he'll address any personal issues...I'm saddened by these developments. I truly feel God put us in eachother's paths. I too feel guilty because I have been verbally harsh and unforgiving, not to excuse his behavior, but I can see where he probably feels undervalued. Is there anything I can do to encourage counseling on his part?