Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).
I am very sorry to know about this situation.
thank you, XXXXX XXXXX really use some advice
It is obvious from your words that even when you do not have an exclusive relationship, you have not feel comfortable neither respected once you found out about her plans to have sex with this other man, and that it seems that regardless of your initial agreement and your efforts to keep things clear and open between you, you feel used by her instead of understood, and supported, in a mutually fulfilling relationship.
This relationship is still a young one, but you are already finding out core issues that seems to deeply undermine its potential for further growth.
You are very clear about your desire and willingness to make it work, but at the same time you need to come to terms with the fact that no matter how hard you may try that, there is no way for a relationship to truly work without both partners being able and willing to play a healthy role, complying with the very core rules you have set from the very beginning. You expect honesty and openness, but she has not been doing that, and since you have agreed that this is not an exclusive relationship, she could feel more empowered and enabled to share with other men too, and her actions show that, with the problem that she is not letting you know about it.
If you have been honest, open, understanding and caring from the beginning and even when addressing this issue, I do not see how other nice words could elicit the understanding, honesty and accountability she has not been showing, which totally depend on her and not at you at all.
thank you, XXXXX XXXXX a hard time typing what I'm trying to say but all your words have hit the nail on the head
Your role is to keep being consistent showing you comply with your agreement, trying to support her to do the same, but if she chooses to continue being dishonest and go against your agreement, then I do not see how you could promote any significant improvement in your relationship, it would not work.
I think you've given me enough so that I can at least talk to her, despite what may come of it. I guess I just needed some advice from someone with experience in this matter. thank you very much. This has definitely been money well spent. If you have any last nuggets of wisdom before I go I'd appreciate it.
You'r very welcome. No problem, it is always hard to cope with relationship issues, even more if they are about trust and respect; and having to type your words requires extra effort since it demands you to become more insightful, objective and to assess your feelings, behaviours and reality, which could be tough, since they are about your relationship.