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Kate McCoy
Kate McCoy, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5419
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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I got divorced 2 years ago right after I had my son, who is

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I got divorced 2 years ago right after I had my son, who is now 3. the reasons for our divorce is because my husband cheated on me and also tried to make me out to be some crazy nut after he was caught. Basically the damage is done. Since I left and started a new life, which he is not a apart of at all. He has become worse, an enemy almost. I am accomodating to his parenting request, I never tried to keep our son from him etc. Basically I am really nice and in a good place. I even was nice to the girl he cheated on me with. However as I said he is nothing but evil towards me. He has lied about me, refused to financially help me with our son, kept our son from me, lied about me some more, called me names and even kept my son away from me on mothers day. He snubs me, as in the silent treatment during parenting time exchanges. Im nothing but nice to him. I offer a good deed when I dont have to and he cant return it. I wonder what is going on in his head. My guess is that he thought that I was so loyal to him and that because I was his wife and the mother of his son that I would never leave him? And now he is angry about the fact that I dont care. I recently talked to the woman that he cheated on me with and she said that when she confronted him about me and all the woman he has dated that he was fine talking about everyone else but me he started to tear up. If he feels that much emotion about me, then why not be nice. Im nice to him???? We had ten good years together and he decided to up and cheat on me and be a coward about it. I just want to know what the heck I did wrong?


 


Also how can he be sooo happy and smiles on the outside and then when he sees me or has to interact with me, his devil tail and horns have to come out!! What the heck? Can he be miserable and just be good at hiding it?

Submitted: 11 months ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Kate McCoy replied 11 months ago.
Hello, I'd like to help you with your questions.

In the situation you described, you did nothing wrong. When someone is cruel to you in words and deeds, it indicates a problem with them. You have been very accommodating to him even though he hurt you. That should have affected him to the point that he was at least nice to you. Since he cannot be kind and still remains mean to you, that indicates an issue with him that he cannot cope with.

What exactly is causing him to be this way is unclear. Without talking to him directly, there is no way to know for sure what is fueling his anger towards you. The best guess is that because you were closest to him and he had deeper feelings for you, he took out old issues on you, most likely from childhood. It doesn't make much sense, but it often happens in close relationships.

There is also a book that may help you to understand him better:

Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men by Lundy Bancroft

Along with understanding why he acts as he does, try to continue to take care of yourself. Dealing with someone who is always trying to hurt you can take a toll on you causing anxiety, depression and feelings of hopelessness. If you feel that the situation is getting worse, consider legal help and seek out therapy. Both can help you cope better.

I hope this has helped you,
Kate









May I please request that if you find the service I provided helpful at all that you rate me with three or above? Your rating is the only way I am reimbursed for my answer. Thank you so much!
Customer: replied 11 months ago.

Thank you! Do you think that his actions are sings of regret, guilt, etc.

Expert:  Kate McCoy replied 11 months ago.
You're welcome!

They could be. But most likely they are because of past issues he has not resolved, such as childhood abuse or neglect of some sort. That is where behavior like this usually stems from.

Kate
Kate McCoy, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5419
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
Kate McCoy and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

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