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Dr. Mark
Dr. Mark, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5220
Experience:  Dr. Mark is a PhD in psychology helping with relationships
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Hi , this is my second marriage we have been together 13 1/2

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Hi , this is my second marriage we have been together 13 1/2 years, my hubby had a workplace accident that finished he's career . He isnt wheel chair bound or anything like that, he suffers from depression post traumatic stress syndrome and he's neck and shoulder ache, its been 7 years since the accident . The man I fell in love with has changed, he is now grumpy and doesnt sleep well , he recieved a payout that brought us a lovely home, I kept things going since the fall and my health has deteriorated with the stress. he has retrained himself in hospitality and thats fantastic but he can not get work where we live, its got to the point that I asked him togo to he's brothers to find himself again and there is more chance of work from him there. I have become tired and resentful of handing my pay ot to keep us going and all our fights are financial, I dont cope with financial stress at all never have. we got on great the last two weeks before he went and the night before he left I wanted to be intament with him as we have never had a problem in that area we both know we love each other but can not continue the wy we was . He said it was two hard to be with me sexually and it cut my heart in two, I wondered is that he's way of seeing me hurt? I told him I want our relationship to work and I didnt want this to be forever. I tell him daily I love and miss him and it has only been two weeks and I am starting to feel like he will be gone forever. The only time I hear from him is when he needs something it hurts. where do you see this heading or is there anything I could do to help save my marrige ?

reeling

Hi! I'll be glad to be of help with this issue.

I can imagine how distressing this situation must be for you. You are clearly a loving and caring woman. You've tried hard to make this work given his changes emotionally. That is very, very difficult.

It sounds as though he also loves you and wants to make the marriage work. And so it would be a tragedy if the marriage dissolves because the two of you don't have a way to communicate effectively. Because it sounds as though he doesn't have a way to release his worries and emotions. That would be consistent with a diagnosis of PTSD.

Given how serious his condition is, I don't think that self help tools are going to be enough to get through this problem. The two of you need professional help in how to adjust to the new (relatively new) situation in your marriage. You two need help in communicating more positively and effectively.

He may also need individual therapy to help him, but couples therapy is crucial as the place for the two of you to start. Here is an online therapist finder for Australia that I like because you can see a picture of the person and read about them a bit. Seek out someone who does couples therapy. I hope there is someone in your area. Interview the therapist first and make sure you feel comfortable and confident with him/her.


http://www.findatherapist.com.au/



The Australian Psychological Society has a search. Scroll down and put in self-esteem in the search window.

http://www.psychology.org.au/FindaPsychologist/Default.aspx

 

Okay, I wish you the very best!

My goal is for you to feel like you've gotten Great Service from me and the site. If we need to continue the discussion for that to happen, then please feel free to reply and we'll continue working on this. If the answer has given you the help you need, please remember to give a rating of 5 (Great Service) or 4 (Informative and helpful), or even 3 (Got the job done) button. This will make sure that I am credited for the answer and you are not charged anything more than the deposit you already made by pressing any of these buttons. Bonuses are always appreciated! If I can be of further help with any issue now or in the future, just put "For Dr. Mark" in the front of your new question, and I'll be the one to answer it. All the best, XXXXX XXXXX

Customer: replied 3 years ago.

Dr.Mark,


 


I feel like I need the individual counselling as well my husband says that I always am there for others when I should give more to our family? What do you think?

I think two things:


First, I care very much that the marriage be given the best chance possible to survive and then thrive. I hope very much this will be the case for your sake and his. Therefore, the question of whether you need individual therapy/counseling is not as urgent in my view as couples therapy. Even his need for individual therapy, which is a need for sure given what's happened to him and the PTSD he has, needs to take second place right now so that the marriage can be stabilized.


Second, I am not looking for you to get into more arguments together. He is clearly feeling very defensive, whether he realizes it or not. And so if he feels better saying you need individual therapy, fine. Perhaps it's true, perhaps not. But right now, he's hurting a lot and there is nothing to be gained by arguing over this point as long as he is willing to go to couples therapy and try to work on the marriage skills needed at this time.



Again, I am concerned for you two and hope that he will be willing to get the professional help together to make the marriage thrive.


I wish you the very best!

My goal is for you to feel like you've gotten Great Service from me and the site. If we need to continue the discussion for that to happen, then please feel free to reply and we'll continue working on this. If the answer has given you the help you need, please remember to give a rating of 5 (Great Service) or 4 (Informative and helpful), or even 3 (Got the job done) button. This will make sure that I am credited for the answer and you are not charged anything more than the deposit you already made by pressing any of these buttons. Bonuses are always appreciated! If I can be of further help with any issue now or in the future, just put "For Dr. Mark" in the front of your new question, and I'll be the one to answer it. All the best, XXXXX XXXXX

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