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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7663
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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Dear Sir My wife and I have been married for 2 years. We

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Dear Sir

My wife and I have been married for 2 years. We have a very healthy relationship which both of us invest well into. My wife also is bipolar and has self esteem and childhood issues, she refuses to go to a psychiatrist. Our problem is that we are suffering from infertility, and where we live there aren't too many infertility specialists. Therefore most of our vacations are for fertility treatment, and we don't have enough money or days from work to go on vacation. I try to have fun with the resources we have, but 2 days ago something happened. We have 5 days from work to go on vacation, she asked me to plan a vacation in less than three days. Our citizenships must get a visa beforehand for most countries. So we decided to go the Maldives since it was a short vacation and we could go there with Visa on arrival. 2 days ago she woke up fine while I have been making the phone calls, and we were chatting and joking. I discovered that there are serious weather issues in the Maldives, and it'll be a horrible experience if we go in this weather. I said we are lucky we discovered this here, imagine what would it be like if we discovered this issue down there. Then she stopped talking, she withdrew from me, she wouldnt talk about any other vacation possibility, she wouldnt even say good morning or good night. I tried to open a dialogue with her, but she won't discuss anything with me. I even tried to apologize in case I did anything that could've upset her. I understand the infertility and stress that is building up. But kindly advise me, I think that this is a petty issue to get depressed about. How should I alleviate the situation, I'm trying not to take it personal very hard, i'm worried that this could persist, please advise.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 1 year ago.
Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective

Dear friend,

I am so sorry that you are having these problems with your wife. They are not due to anything that you have done, but are a result of some childhood trauma, perhaps neglect or abandonment.

She does not have bipolar disorder, but rather a personality disorder known as Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD).

Those with BPD tend to view their relationship partner as either idealized and wonderful, incapable of doing anything wrong, and then can change to seeing them as totally devalued and incapable of doing anything right.

They get very angry and they sulk a great deal as your wife is doing now. Living with these individuals is very trying and is like trying to walk on eggshells. There is nothing you can do except wait for her mood to change.

You have not caused this and her infertility does not cause it.

Going to a psychiatrist is not what she needs because he or she is likely to give your wife medications. She needs psychotherapy (talk therapy) instead, particularly Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT).

Let me recommend some books that will clarify the issue and help you to manage this situation. They are availabe by post or can be electronically download from amazon.co.uk.

Product Details

Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder... by Paul T. Mason and Randi Kreger



and this self-help book:


Product Details

Mindfulness for Borderline Personality Disorder: Relieve Your Suffering Using the Core Skill of Dialectical Behavior... by Blaise Aguirre

 

I do hope that this will help to heal her, and it will give you the knowledge and understanding to better able to adapt to her condition.

 

I shall keep you family in my prayers.

 

Warm regards,

 

Elliott, MAE, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC

Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7663
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC
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35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.