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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7662
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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I have a question about post-breakup. Me and my ex have been

Resolved Question:

I have a question about post-breakup. Me and my ex have been broken up for about 5 months. She would not to long after the breakup get involved in another relationship. So soon that im thinking its a rebound. The thing is she still wanted to be friends and keeps in contact on and off. She has reached out to wish me happy birthday, good luck on an exam I was about to take, congrtas on an award I received, and congrats on a promotion I made. She even wished my mother happy birthday on facebook and still likes a lot of her post and pictures. What I don't understand is if she wanted out of the relationship, why continue trying to be friendly with my mother or even continue reaching out to me here and there. Doesn't make any sense. I don't know of any ex's still trying to be friendly with there ex's parents after they have broken up. Especially since she is involved with someone else. She still hasn't even returned some of my things I left in her house along with the only picture she has of me. When you break up you normally would return each others belongings back right. We work together as well and I receive a lot of hot and cold behavior from her as well. Its like she wants to be close but then would back-off and act like I don't exist. I swear women are confusing.

Submitted: 11 months ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 11 months ago.
Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Dear friend,

It seems that she already knows that she had a good thing with you and does not to let go.

However, it must be difficult for her to live this duality. She cannot fully commit to the new guy if she is still so involved in your life.

She has made you the backup guy and this is not fair. She has not found the courage to completely break from you and is unfairly giving you false hope by her behavior. Because of this you are hanging on to her, eternally hopeful because she keeps tossing these crumbs out to you.

She is not being fair to you and is acting quite selfishly because she knows that she is keeping you in the wings.

If you are content continuing to be assigned to this understudy role who may never be called back into the act, then you can do nothing.

It seems, however, that this is preventing you from moving on with your own life.

If you want to move forward you need to tell her that you want to get the rest of your possessions and end the contact because it is keeping you from moving on with your life, while she is developing and working on a new relationship.

She may not feel so secure in this new relationship, but she needs to understand that you are done and do not like this new "relationship" with her and want to end it because it is only bringing you down and keeping you from starting the next chapter in your life.

If she lets you go then you will be free to move on with your life. If she is really in love with you she will beg you not to leave her.

I would not compromise with her or she will keep stringing you along.

I wish you great wisdom and strength and hope that you can resolve this in your favor, whatever the outcome.

To that end I shall keep you in my prayers.

Warm regards,

Elliott, MAE, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC
Customer: replied 11 months ago.

The thing is i still love this women but im not going to wait forever. I dont know how i could get this women to realize what me and her had was good. When we were together she loved me to death. We were unseperable but the thing is she wanted to rush things as far as possibly getting married instead of letting things happen natural. I broke things off at first because i wasnt sure if i was ready to take that step just yet. Dodnt know if i wanted to see otherwomen but me and her were still close during that break. When i finally came around and decided that she was the one for me, she was reluctant to put her heart out to me. She wanted to see change which i believe was to get married.

Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 11 months ago.
Dear jp,

It seems that both of you are not going to wait for the other. She was waiting for you to be ready for a further commitment and you are waiting for her to drop the new relationship and come back to you.

Sometimes when the timing is way off you cannot reach the goal or hit the home run. Each one of you has seemed to have missed opportunities that came and went.

She may have moved on and if so then the best thing to do is to move on yourself.

She was perhaps ready for marriage before but you were not, and even though you believe she is the one for you, you may still not be ready to commit.

I suggest you start to date again, if you have not done so already. If you two really love each other and are meant for each other you will still get back together.

I wish you great success.

Warm regards,

Elliott
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7662
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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